And yet…
There was no going back. I didn’t fit in that mould anymore. I may still be haunted by memories of the old Kat’s lessons and rules, but I didn’t live by them.
When I shot Rose a look, she gave me a reassuring smile.
Swallowing, I drew a deep breath. “I’ll just take this one.”
Elthea smiled at that, shoulder sinking.
Before I lost my nerve, I removed the cork and downed the fortified antidote.
It slithered over my tongue, making me gag as it wriggled against the back of my throat. I covered my mouth, afraid of coughing up a precious drop. It burned on the way down, and I braced for pain, but it faded a moment later as my gift fought back. Magic hummed over my skin, my body sucking it in on instinct.
Then, nothing.
In fact, I felt… good—better than I had in months.
“Kat?” Rose leant in.
I blinked, touching my belly. “It’s… it’s gone.” A constant feeling of wrongness in the pit of my stomach—only now it was gone did I realise how much I’d forced myself to ignore it.
Elthea smiled wide enough to show her canines—I hadn’t seen them before—and Rose leapt up with a crow, like my victory was hers. Tears stung my eyes as I laughed and let her grab me in a hug, secure in my ability to hold in my magic and not hurt her.
I was free. From Robin. From needing a daily antidote.
I wasn’t bound to Bastian by an accident of magic. Every touch between us was our choice.
Everything that happened now was for us to decide.
81
Bastian
For the second time in as many days, Kat burst into my office. Anyone else, and I’d have destroyed them, but for her I preferred the kind of destruction I’d enacted on this desk yesterday.
I looked up from another dull report. A delivery of guard weapons missing… or perhaps not. It wasn’t clear if this was a clerical error or if they’d really disappeared. Thankfully this was the last of the reports, since the wedding was tomorrow.
I arched an eyebrow as Kat shut the door. “Don’t tell me—you’ve found the Crown of Ashes this time? I wouldn’t put it past you.”
She shook her head as she caught her breath and approached. “She did it.”
With a gasp, I sprang to my feet. “Elthea. Your appointment.”
Half laughing, half panting, she clutched my arms and gave them a little shake. “I’m cured.”
My pulse tolled loud in my ears. She’d wanted to be rid of her magic and the poison, and she looked so happy…
I swallowed, searching her grip. Her nails dug into my shirt, still purple. “But you’re still marked.”
She nodded, smile widening. “The poison in my system is gone—it isn’t killing me. But I chose to keep my gift.”
As she made the stain spread over her fingers, she looked just as happy to have her magic as she was to no longer be poisoned.
I exhaled my relief and bent, kissing her fingertips. Her poison tingled on my skin, a pain I’d grown to enjoy. A shiver skittered through me. “And I’m still immune to it.”
Eyes bright, she nodded. “Poisonous, but not poisoned. At last.”
“And you don’t need me anymore. You’re free to go where you wish.” I smiled as I said it, like I wasn’t torn apart by the idea. I didn’t want her bound to me, as she’d put it. I wanted her to be free.
But I also wanted her… maybe even needed her.
Her lashes fluttered, and she swallowed. “I… I am.”
A long moment passed, and I tried my best to look entirely happy. Maybe she could read me—maybe despite my efforts she knew that I was crumbling as I held this smile.
“And…” She spoke very softly, gaze flicking away before edging back to me. “What if I wish to be right here?”
My breath hitched like I’d just found solid ground. I cleared my throat and managed a laugh. “Well, it would be a little inconvenient to have you in the middle of the floor, but I’m sure I could work around you.”
“Bastian!” She swatted my arm. “I’m being serious.”
Grinning so much my cheeks hurt, I pulled her close. “I know. I’m sorry, I just…” I bent close to her ear. “I was afraid.”
She arched back and gave me a wide-eyed look. “That I’d leave?”
I nodded, cheeks warming.
“Idiot Shadow.” She grinned and squeezed me. “I don’t want to go anywhere… not for the foreseeable future, at least.” She winced. “I might need to travel to Albion to settle things with the estate at some point. I haven’t heard anything about whether he has any living relatives.”
“I mean… if he does, we could always get rid of them.”
“Bastian.” Another swat. “We are not killing some random person because they’re a little inconvenient.”
“Very inconvenient,” I muttered, catching her hand. I planted a kiss on her palm. “If they take that estate from you…” I let my glower complete the sentence.
“With a little luck, he has no relatives left, and the queen will decide I should have it. Service to the crown and all that.” She shrugged, but I spotted her brief wince, like she wasn’t at all convinced.
“You did stop unCavendish.”
“As I recall, I was lying on the floor when you killed him.”
“But I wouldn’t have known to kill him if not for you. Your queen owes you. We should petition her to give you the estate on that basis. I could draft a letter and ask Braea to sign it.”
This time her face scrunched up in more than a brief wince. “Perhaps.”
“We’ll fix this.” I took my time kissing away her wince.
When I pulled back, she made a little sound of complaint, fingers digging into my back.
This was what I’d seen in the woman who’d held herself so tightly in Lunden. Passion. Pleasure. A thirst for beauty—for life in all its expressions that had been kept locked away.
And now here she was, coming in to all of that.
Heart full, I kissed the tip of her nose. “Since you’re staying, I can show you this.” I disentangled myself from her and locked the door leading to Brynan’s office.
She watched, brow furrowed, as I went to the panels depicting the Celestial and Tellurian Serpents and opened the hidden door. “A secret passage? You really are a spymaster.”
She followed me into the darkness, letting me guide her and whisper the directions in her ear so she’d know in the future. When we reached the courtyard door, I took her hand and showed her how the ring I’d had made for her fit the indent and opened it.
As we stepped into the secret lodestone, she gave a soft gasp at the shift from one plane to another, and her mouth fell open when she saw the courtyard, which was no longer overgrown. I’d planted it with aconite, foxgloves, hemlock, and other poisonous plants—ones I was fairly sure she could touch, despite her magic. Ones that could hurt as well as kill, as my itching wrist reminded me. I’d even managed to get the fountain working, and lily pads crowded the edges of its pool.
“What is this?” she asked, bending over the purple bells of deadly nightshade.
I held my breath as she stroked its petals. The plant didn’t so much as droop.
“Yours.”