It’d taken her a while to realise that sarcasm went over his head, completely misunderstood. He was a literal kind of guy.
“That’s not what I mean,” she grumbled. “It’s something humans say when we don’t want to talk about something.”
“Why do you not want to talk about it?”
“Because it’s not a nice story,” she bit out.
It wasn’t often she got frustrated with Ingram because he didn’t understand social etiquette, but this was one of the times it grated on her nerves. Most humans would have let it go by now.
His steps slowed before he stopped walking completely, his arms tightening. Since her legs were resting on top of one forearm, and her back against the other, it made her knees almost rise to her chest.
“Do you not want to share with me anymore?” he asked, the deep, solemn tone of misery quietening his voice.
Damnit, Emerie mentally sighed. She peeked at him to find his orbs had turned a swallowing blue. “It’s not because of what happened last night.”
“I said I was sorry for hurting you and trying to attack you. I do not know how else to please you.”
“It’s not you, Ingram,” she tried to explain, rubbing at her unmarred cheek in annoyance at herself, more than him. “It’s just... when this happened, it was a really bad time in my life. It hurts to talk about it.”
“I am here, though,” he argued. “I will try to soothe you as you do for me.”
Emerie rubbed at her closed eyes, wishing she’d never started the topic of her scars.
I’m going to have to tell him, aren’t I? If I don’t, he’ll think it’s his fault. He’ll think I don’t want to share with him because I don’t like or trust him. She wished she could turn her emotions off for it, but what bothered her was that she was probably going to fucking cry. And she hated when she cried.
It had been eight years.
People thought she’d be over it by now. She thought she’d be over it by now, but every time she talked about it, it was like a scab was torn off and she was stuck with an open wound.
No one knew she was black and blue inside. If it were possible to see her soul, she wondered if it would be bruised.
Emerie thought she’d rather sit through physical torture. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t.
She glanced up at the Duskwalker again, and her heart made up her mind for her. Screw her own sadness, she couldn’t handle the way his made her feel.
This big, silly goofball would get what he wanted.
“You’re lucky you’re cute when you sulk,” Emerie grumbled with a pout, causing his head to perk up. “Can you at least promise not to look at me while I tell you?”
“No. I cannot promise this. I like looking at you.” Then he loosened his hold and held her out from him – like she weighed nothing. “Especially when you are in the sun. Your hair and skin glow bright and shiny.”
Uggghhh! Fine! See me ugly cry then. She wriggled in his arms and folded hers across her chest. Probably won’t find me pretty after that.
For a moment, she considered giving him the most watered-down, flavourless version she could, but knew that wouldn’t be fair. This story was a big part of who she was, and it explained much about her.
So, where to start? From the beginning, she guessed.
“Like I said a few days ago, Fishket is east of the southlands. It’s a pretty isolated town closer to the sea, and we had more Demons coming from the water than the Veil. Water Demons aren’t really adept at climbing, so we were mostly safe from them so long as we didn’t leave our protective walls.”
Emerie paused and unfolded her arms so she could clasp her hands in her lap and fidget with her fingers. Since Ingram started walking again, she gazed out at the bright forest, glad she had something other than him to look at.
“I... did something really silly. I was young, though, which I don’t think excuses me, but it at least explains why I acted like a hormonal idiot.” She gave a humourless laugh, doubting he understood all of that, but she wasn’t going to explain it. “I was nineteen, had a boyfriend, and thought I was invincible. I’d never seen a Demon before, so I just did whatever I wanted. Well... one night, I decided to sneak out in the middle of the night, knowing my parents wouldn’t approve of me going out in the dark. It seems so foolish now, but I wanted to go to my boyfriend’s house and then come back. Maybe he was stupid for letting me leave, or didn’t truly care enough about my wellbeing to convince me otherwise. It wasn’t the first time I’d done it.”
“What is a boyfriend?” Ingram asked.
“It’s a boy you’re dating to see if you have a future together. Someone you hope you will form a bond with, and maybe marry and have a family with.”
“Have you had... many of these boyfriends?”
Emerie blushed a little, especially since his tone was somewhat... darker than usual. She peeked at his face before staring completely.
His orbs are green. I’ve never seen that colour before.
“I’ve had a few,” she grumbled honestly.
“Are these like those special people you said were allowed to see and touch you?” His tone was even darker than before, with an obvious growl radiating from his chest. It even vibrated him, as his orbs brightened in their green hue.
“Yeah, I guess you can say that.” When his growl worsened, she narrowed her eyes into a glare. “Do you want me to tell you my secrets, or would you rather continue a conversation that is upsetting you? Because pick one, and I’ll never speak of the other willingly again.”
His beak opened, just so he could clack it in annoyance. He turned his skull partially away from her.
“Continue,” he bit out.
Good boy, she thought with mirth.
“Like I said, I was nineteen and had never seen a Demon before. I had it in my mind that we couldn’t be infiltrated.” She lowered her gaze to her fidgeting hands. “I was walking home with an oil lamp, and when I got there, Gideon was waiting for me. Since he often went outside the walls to cut down timber with the other workers, he was more aware of the dangers. He started arguing with me right out front of the house, but I didn’t want to listen to him. I wanted him to be quiet because our parents were sleeping and I didn’t want them to know what I was doing.”
She could still vividly remember her and Gideon whisper-arguing out front of their home.
She’d been too stupid to realise he was just trying to protect her as her older brother. She’d thrown it in his face that he had his own partner, and it wasn’t fair to intervene in her relationships. She’d just wanted to hurt him because he was overprotective and annoying her.
“One minute I was telling him to ‘get fucked,’ and the next I was being lifted off the ground.” She cringed when the sound of her oil lamp shattering against the dirt still rung in her ears after all these years. “When we both realised a flying Demon was trying to take me, Gideon grabbed my legs to keep me on the ground and was instead carried off with me.”