Which just so happened to be spending almost every single second of the rest of it with Ingram.
With them secluded in their tent, she’d attempted to teach him how to play one of the board games Mayumi owned. That had gone poorly, as nothing, not even checkers, seemed to really stick in his mind, since they all required forethought and cunning. It did allow her a bunch of giggles, though, especially when he picked up a disk-shaped piece with his claws, and it flicked out between them like a projectile – straight into her forehead.
Her giggles had erupted into full-blown laughter when he’d grown overly apologetic.
At least scissors, paper, rock was simple enough and based purely on luck. He chuckled each time he won, and him covering her hand when he picked paper seemed to make his chuckle deepen each time.
She even taught him how to count to a hundred, although he often got muddled on the bigger numbers. He was quick to learn. She found it endearing when he started tapping at her freckles, like he wanted to count them all.
Since she’d been teaching Magnar how to read, Delora had lent Emerie a fairytale book Reia had given her.
Teaching Ingram how to read was too big of a task for just one day, although she did start with the alphabet so he could attempt to read along. He did occasionally tap a claw at the page at certain words she repeated regularly.
He’d grown giddy whenever he was correct, scooping his arms around her from behind in innocent joy.
Really, she’d just wanted an excuse to stay curled up in his lap, even until the sun went down and she was forced to light an oil lamp. Emerie wasn’t fond of anything with fire, but she’d grown comfortable with lamps, candles, and campfires over the years.
This was the first time she’d truly been enthralled by one. Once she’d gone through every story, she laid the book down to stare at its flickering flame.
It was a quiet flame as it burned its wick, but the smell of it brought back terrible memories.
Fire, whether she wanted to truly accept it or not, had brought her to this moment. I wouldn’t have joined the Demonslayers if Gideon was still alive. She would never be thankful for it – no person should have suffered what she did that horrible night – but if it didn’t happen, she wouldn’t have ever met Ingram.
Just another reason to regret it, and although the pain in her chest wasn’t physical, it corroded like acid.
She never would have been faced with knowing tomorrow could be her last.
She wished it didn’t have to be.
Does it have to be? Emerie thought when Ingram stroked his claws through her freshly washed and silky hair. Lindiwe said she would try and find another human if I don’t want to. Or, if I bond with Ingram.
But did he want that with Emerie?
It was possible, considering his obvious attachment to her. He hasn’t asked me, though.
It was likely he’d thought about it, considering the three other couples around him. He’d had ample opportunity to ask Emerie for her soul, yet he’d chosen... not to.
She wanted to ask him about it, but she also didn’t. She didn’t want to know the truth if it was terrible, and she didn’t want this day, her final day, to either end in a fight with him, or her in tears.
So, could she find out the truth without having to directly ask it? Because, if she was being honest with herself, the real reason she was doing this was for Ingram. Yes, Delora, Reia, and Mayumi were part of her desire to do this, to help them and be a reason their love continued.
Yet, as selfish as it was, she didn’t think she would have done this just for them.
Her reasonings weren’t so noble.
She’d started this journey for him. She was intending to end it for him as well.
And also for Gideon and her parents. To finally have revenge for the loss of their lives – and how much it had affected her own.
However, her heart was at war with itself.
Half said to go to protect everyone, and the other half told her to give Ingram a chance to change her mind.
“Ingram,” Emerie whispered, as she kept her stare fixed on the tiny flame, letting it entrance her.
The length of his beak was plopped on top of her head, and she wasn’t sure what he was thinking about or even looking towards. At least his strong arms around her felt warm and comforting, and his tail wrapped around her knee was kind of endearing. She needed this hug.
“How much do you want Aleron back?”
His tail tightened on her. “More than anything.”
“And you want to make the world safer for him before that, right?”
“Yes,” he answered firmly. “I want to bring Aleron back into a world where I will not lose him again.”
Emerie took in a deep, strengthening breath. “Would... you do anything to make that happen?”
“Absolutely. Even if it means my own life.”
Okay... that isn’t a good sign.
She swallowed thickly, then lowered her voice even further. “Would you sacrifice anyone and everyone for that?”
“Yes,” he grated, squeezing her waist. She was just about to drop her head when he added, “Except you.”
“Pardon?” she rasped, glancing up and twisting to look over her shoulder.
“I... do not want to lose you. I do not want you to come with us, Emerie,” he admitted. “The other females... they can come back, you cannot. I want you to stay where it is safe.” Then he looked down at her with his orchid-coloured orbs and dipped his knuckles into her hair so he could brush it forward with his claws. “I want you to wait for me.”
This should have elated her. This should have been enough for her to sit her arse down and stay here until he came back.
But that was the problem: until he came back.
If he didn’t want to perish alongside Jabez, Ingram needed to stay behind. There was no way in the world he would be able to control his thoughts and run from the blast. Hell, he was likely to run headfirst into the big shiny ball of whatever the hell was going to come from the stone once it shattered.
“I feel like it is selfish of me,” Ingram weirdly confessed. “I do not understand what I feel or why, but I feel it in here.”
He placed a claw tip to her chest, right where her heart was. Well, where it would have been if he didn’t place it against the wrong side.
But... his orbs have never turned pink like the other Duskwalkers’ do when they look at their brides. And it wasn’t hard to guess what the colour signified.
Whatever Ingram felt, it obviously wasn’t love.
She’d been hoping he would eventually shine that bright flamingo pink at her. He never had.
Maybe he didn’t have enough humanity to understand what the emotion meant, or how to feel it. He could have lost all capabilities to do so when Aleron disappeared.
Who knew? Not Emerie, that was for sure.
She was aware her next question was unfair on him, but she asked it anyway. She needed to assuage her own thoughts and feelings, so she could make up her mind with unwavering conviction.
“If you had to choose between us, Ingram, could only choose one of us, would it be me or Aleron?”
His orbs flashed white, before darkening into a blue. “Neither.”