“If they can’t grow flowers here, how do they grow food?” I asked, peering into the bakery window filled with spun sugar treats and spiced fruit buns.
“They grow flowers here, and many crops, actually.” Ora pointed to the steeples peeking above the distant rooftops. “The Wolves have these glass houses they use for growing, but the flowers and crops are very expensive. Most humans can’t afford them.”
We walked past a grocer, the store lined with jars of pickled vegetables and baskets of salted fish.
“I see.” It was hard to hide the shame in my voice.
The Wolves only grew and hunted as much as they needed for themselves, feeding even the lowest ranked amongst their pack. And for my entire life, I hadn’t questioned it. Wolves took care of their own, and it was the humans’ own fault they didn’t do the same was how I’d always thought. Never mind that they didn’t have the glass houses to grow or enough coin to build one. My na?veté hit me like a slap in the face and, though the logical part of me already understood, I felt even more acutely about how wanting something didn’t translate to having something.
“They also trade with the other kingdoms for certain spices and sugars.” Ora wrapped their shawl around them, the metal beads clinking together. “It’s beautiful, but I wouldn’t want to stay in the cold forever.” They huffed, their breath coming out in steaming whorls as if to emphasize their point. “There’s only so many ice blocks and pickled carrots one can eat.”
Sadie laughed, her footsteps lingering at the front door of the swordsmith.
“You don’t need any more knives,” Hector scoffed, steering his sister away by her elbow.
She frowned. “I was just looking.”
“Oh really? Where did you get that?” He pointed to the belt circling her right thigh where a needle-like dagger was sheathed.
“Hengreave,” she muttered, and Hector rolled his eyes.
My feet stalled as I spotted a silver and white flag waving in the far distance. Upon it, two swords crossed behind the silhouette of a howling wolf.
“Is that the castle?” I pointed to the flag with the Ice Wolf crest. I could only make out the tallest spire disappearing behind the brick buildings of the human quarter.
Ora paused beside me. “It is.”
“I didn’t realize Taigoska was so big.”
“It’s the biggest of all the capital cities,” Ora said, following my line of sight. “You need a sleigh to get from one end to the other. I haven’t explored the Wolf part of town much though. They only let us down Servants Row to reach the backs of the houses we play in.”
Sadie and Hector stilled in front of us, clearly hearing what Ora had said. I wondered if they felt the same pang of guilt, the same unraveling awareness, the longer we spent around humans. When did we stop being their protectors? Hearing all this, it seemed the only monsters humans needed protection from these days were the Wolves themselves.
I glanced around the plaza, searching for a charcoal gray cloak and the tall, muscled prince who had been avoiding me all day. I hated to think Grae was mourning somewhere, punishing himself over what had happened to Aiden. Was he not just devastated, but mad at me, too?
I clenched my fists in my pockets as another terrifying thought speared into my mind: If King Nero disowned Grae, would Briar still be safe? Every second I left her in that castle was a risk. I tried to distract myself with other things, but that undercurrent of fear remained. I needed to get Briar out of Damrienn before she became a hostage. My stomach clenched. Gods, she already was. Our whole lives we’d been used for our kingdom’s gold. I wondered if we brought back enough gold, if we could trade it for Briar . . .
I doubted it. King Nero wanted control of Olmdere, but Aiden’s death would force his hand. He’d need to win Olmdere through his possession of Briar now, not through Grae. Enemies seemed to be closing in from all sides, and here I was, trapped in my own mind.
“We’ve played in the castle a few times and it is truly stunning,” Ora continued, pulling my attention back to them. “You should come to our performance tomorrow night. We could say you’re part of the band.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” I murmured, knowing it would be a bad idea even though I wanted to say yes. I bet the ball would be magnificent and it would be the perfect distraction we’d been searching for to acquire the nitehock, but there would be too many Wolf eyes upon us if we weren’t behind the scenes, and I couldn’t imagine taking the risk.
Sadie and Hector found seats close to the fountain, watching as a little band of brassy horns started to play.
“It’s a masquerade,” Ora offered, seeming to read the hesitation in my expression. “If you’re afraid you might bump into someone you know, like back in Hengreave.”
“I’m sorry we had to leave—”
“It wasn’t any trouble.” Ora held up a hand. Their footsteps slowed, and I looked up into their hazel eyes. “I might seem filled with calm and whimsy, but that was hard won. Not everyone was happy that I chose this life with two hands. I know what it means to need to leave in the middle of the night.”
“I wish I felt that way,” I whispered, dropping my gaze to my clenched fingers. “That I chose my life with two hands.”
“You will when you’re ready,” Ora said. “And when it’s safe to do so. Not everyone can scream their truths from the rooftops, and that’s okay, too.”
My eyes guttered. They didn’t know how close they were. It was true—I couldn’t go around shouting I was a princess of Olmdere or even that I was a Gold Wolf. But there were other truths about myself, too . . .
I looked at Ora, with their perfectly painted lips, neatly trimmed beard, and flowing velvet shift.
“That’s a beautiful dress,” I murmured instead of the truths in my head.
We wove our way toward the fountain and I admired their rope belt, golden tassels waving in the breeze.
Ora smiled. “You can borrow it sometime if you like.”
“Oh, I don’t know.” I snorted, feeling strange nerves bubbling up in me. “I’m not very appealing in dresses.”
“Appealing to who?” Ora cocked their head, their hazel eyes cutting straight through my defenses. “The first person you should be appealing to is yourself. You wear the things that make you happy.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know what that is . . .”
Ora took off their fur-lined hat and plopped it on my head. I smiled, smelling their citrusy floral scent in the fabric. “Maybe it’s time to try on a few new hats and see which ones fit.”
I had never really considered it. All of Galen den’ Mora knew me as someone other than the person I insisted I was in my own head . . . and it seemed they liked me without any other name or label. Just me.
Ora and I joined the others at the table by the fountain, and I kept my jittery hands in my cloak pockets. It felt freeing and confusing all at once. If I gave myself permission to be anything, who would I want to be? No answers jumped immediately to mind, but I knew one thing for certain, though I didn’t know what it meant: I didn’t want to wear dresses like Briar.
I wanted to wear them like Ora.
Twenty-Six