I allowed myself to fall apart in his arms, knowing he would hang on to me. I purged that sorrow from me, that festering pain that threatened to swallow me whole, some of it building within me my whole life. My sobs slowly morphed into sniffles, riding over the sharp cliff of pain and tumbling down into exhaustion. The tension in my body eased and finally I could take a deep breath.
With each slower breath, I saw the road ahead with new clarity. I’d defeat Sawyn and spend the rest of my life making it up to them. No more people would risk their lives fleeing my kingdom. I’d give them something I’d never truly felt myself—home.
“How long have you two been together?”
I lifted my eyes to meet Malou’s assessing silver gaze. Grae bristled beside me, sitting a little straighter at the question. The back of the wagon was packed with the twins and Navin on one bench and all four of us Wolves across from them.
“It depends when you’re counting from,” Grae said. “Some might say we’ve been together our whole lives.”
Mina smiled dreamily. “That’s so romantic.”
I coughed, trying to cover my laugh. She seemed more besotted with my mate than I did at that moment. My eyes scanned down her satin half-shirt, a sheer top over it revealing the peeks of skin on her shoulders and belly. It tucked into a pink pleated skirt, the fabric billowing at her feet. The garment was designed for hot Rikeshi summers, not the brisk air of Taigos, but she didn’t seem to mind, her long thick hair wrapping around her back like a shawl.
I’d always wondered how people knew what to wear. The colors and patterns Mina wore now suited her perfectly—everything from the way she styled her hair to the golden rings on her fingers to the hue of her painted lips. I wished I could feel that way—so steady in my appearance. My clothes never looked right on my body, the shade of the fabric, the cut—it was always just off, as if my clothing was as confused about what I was trying to be as the rest of my soul.
“Where’s your ring?” Malou nodded to my hand and I folded my arms.
“Lost,” Grae and I both started at once.
Sadie and Hector snickered, and Grae gave them a look like a tutor scolding children.
“Are you going to get her a new one?” Malou looked between the two of us.
“It depends,” Grae said.
I twisted toward him before he could carry on that sentence, worried he’d reveal something about who we were. I placed my hand on his knee and that seemed to catch him off guard.
“Shall we go ring shopping in Taigoska?” I cocked my head, putting on a honeyed tone that I knew he’d know was fake.
He dropped his hand on top of mine, holding it there, calling my bluff.
“Splendid,” he said with equal charm. He leaned in and kissed my cheek, whispering, “Why haven’t you looked at me all morning? Are we back to that?”
I blushed, pretending what he had said was a sweet nothing murmured in my ear. I batted him away playfully, but forcefully. “Oh you,” I tittered, trying to sound like Briar. I had no clue how to play these cat and mouse games.
His observation cut, though. I hadn’t been able to meet his gaze after our shared moment in the tent. That storm within me was too raw to relive in the daylight. I couldn’t look at him without falling apart all over again. He probably thought it was directed toward him, but it was me I was protecting. That moment was too delicate to touch without it falling to pieces.
“I can’t believe it’s summer in Damrienn, and look.” Sadie tipped her head to the half-moon window at the back of the wagon.
Flurries of snow danced in through the open window, melting before reaching the ground. With the insulated walls and press of so many occupants, they’d needed to open the window even in the blizzard. Galen den’ Mora seemed to flex with each changing season, contort to the weather and the temperature, as if the magic applied not only to the oxen and the wheels but to the comfort of the occupants inside. I, for one, was grateful.
“Are you cold?” Navin asked, standing and turning to the bench before Sadie could object. He flipped up the wooden seat to reveal a compartment filled with pillows and blankets. “Here.” He opened a blanket and leaned over to place it on Sadie’s legs, but Hector snatched the corner, pulling it over both of them.
“Thanks,” he said, covering his and his sister’s legs with it. I pressed my lips together. Now he was just being childish. “Will we reach Taigoska tonight?” he asked, clearly having paid little attention to our many conversations about our travel plans.
“We’re stopping in Hengreave,” Malou replied. “We’re scheduled to play for the Lord. We’ll spend the night there and leave for the capital the following day.”
Navin looked at Hector’s pinched expression. “How long did you expect it would take to traverse an entire kingdom?”
“I don’t know,” Hector murmured, his shoulders rising to his ears as he stared. I could almost see his Wolf in the way he looked at Navin—hackles raised, snarling maw, vicious golden eyes. But, to Navin’s credit, he kept his unwavering, open, kind face as he stared back.
“He’s just eager to see Olmdere.” Sadie covered for her brother, shifting her weight in front of him to break their stare down.
“It’s a big climb into the Stormcrest Ranges, even for magical oxen,” Malou said.
It felt like time we didn’t have, yet the choice seemed out of our hands. Not with King Nero’s hounds and Sawyn’s Rooks out there looking for us.
Thinking of Nero, I released my hand off Grae’s leg as if it were burning me, suddenly regretting the weakness that I showed him. I shouldn’t have let myself go like that—shouldn’t have cried in his arms. A life with him would mean being under King Nero’s control, whether Grae wanted it that way or not. And if he promised me he’d stand up to his father this time, I still wouldn’t believe him. There was just too much evidence to make me feel otherwise. And that little seed of doubt in his promises and actions was enough to undo any hope rising in my heart. I couldn’t be happy with someone I didn’t trust.
Grae cleared his throat as though trying to ignore my action. He lifted his arm and rested it across the back of the bench.
“There’s not much to do in Hengreave,” Malou said. “The tavern’s halfway decent if you need somewhere to entertain yourselves while we’re rehearsing, but . . .”
“We might hike the crater,” Grae said. “Rumors say its waters have magical healing properties.” He tipped his head toward me, and I felt keenly aware of the bruises on my face. “Worth a try.”
“You’ve been to Hengreave before?”
“A few times,” Grae hedged.
I’d imagined Wolves had invited him to all the important houses and towns in neighboring kingdoms as an ambassador. But Hengreave was a human town, ruled by a human Lord . . . it wouldn’t make sense for the heir of Damrienn to be visiting there.
“I wouldn’t hike up that crater for a thousand griftas,” Malou said. “But suit yourself.”
“It’ll probably take you all day.” Navin stretched his fingers out in front of him. “And that’s if you’re fast.”
With a sudden rock of the wagon, my chest moved forward and slammed back into the unyielding wood bench. Grae’s hand slipped from the backrest and caught my head just before it smacked into the wood.