A Fire in the Flesh (Flesh and Fire, #3)

I stopped, my eyes closing.

Shaking my head, I opened them again. How was I going to do this? Bitter sorrow rose, stirring the embers. They thrummed.

I knew how.

Folding my arms across my waist, I began pacing once more, giving my mind time to calm—well, to get as calm as my head would ever be. More like my mind was manageable and clear enough that I could face the reality of the situation and approach all of it logically, which wasn’t exactly a skill of mine, but I knew there were two possible outcomes from here.

Either I found another more reasonable and thought-out plan to escape, one that actually included a strategy, and I managed to reach Ash so he could take the embers.

Or I was unable to escape and killed Kolis.

Both options required the same thing, and gods, didn’t knowing that just make me want to vomit? It fucking hurt somewhere deep, felt like a dagger repeatedly plunging into my chest. But I couldn’t let myself dwell on it. Instead, I breathed through it.

I had to.

Which meant I would have to exploit Kolis’s love for Sotoria, and I knew what that would involve. The only difference now was that I didn’t have to seduce Kolis into falling in love with me. That part was already done thanks to Sotoria’s soul—as long as he remained convinced I was her.

I would only have to earn enough of Kolis’s trust to gain some level of freedom to make my escape.

“Only.” I laughed hoarsely.

Successfully escaping so Ash could take the embers was the option I was shooting for. It was the only way the Rot could be stopped from destroying Lasania, my home, and eventually, the entire mortal realm.

And even if the kingdom didn’t know I existed, they still mattered. Ezra and her Consort, Lady Marisol—and every other living person—were worth any and all sacrifices I may have to make. Even my mother was.

A short, weak laugh left me. Okay, maybe she wasn’t exactly worth it, but the mortal realm was, and the people there had no idea their doom approached.

And if I couldn’t gain freedom from this cage? Then I would have to kill Kolis.

I needed to do better than what I’d managed on the beach near Hygeia.

Common sense told me that escaping was the least likely outcome, leaving me with killing Kolis. That wouldn’t fix everything. It wouldn’t prevent the catastrophic damage that would hit both realms or end the Rot, but it would stop him from hurting those who survived. It would end his tyrannical rule where he could force dozens of innocents to sacrifice themselves.

But maybe killing Kolis would slow the Rot. Another dry laugh left me. I knew better. The Rot had begun with my birth, which signaled the eventual death of the embers. If Ash didn’t Ascend to become the Primal of Life, mortals were, well…fucked. But it may give Ash and the others time to figure out what, if anything, could be done regarding the Rot. There had to be something. Because, eventually, it would spread from the Shadowlands to all of Iliseeum.

Until then, killing Kolis protected Ash and the people of the Shadowlands—Aios, Bele, Reaver, little Jadis, her father, Nektas, Saion, Rhahar, and so many others, including those in the city of Lethe. Even Rhain, who I still wasn’t sure liked me.

They mattered.

They all deserved a life worth living. And Ash? Gods, he deserved to live without the threat of Kolis’s boot on his neck, where his innate kindness was rewarded instead of punished. A life that hadn’t made him fear falling in love so strongly that he’d had another Primal remove his ability to do so.

But there was something I had to accomplish as soon as possible.

I needed to gain Ash’s freedom.

He could not remain imprisoned. It wasn’t as if him being kept in a cell made him easier to reach. That required me escaping one cage to enter another—likely a well-guarded one. But even if it were easier, I couldn’t bear the thought of him being held captive, subject to whatever cruelty Kolis devised.

Ash needed to be far away from the false King. He needed to be home with his people, especially if Kolis was serious about a war starting.

And I knew how to accomplish all of that.

My hand fell to my side as my heart kicked sharply. It wasn’t the knowledge that I might fail in an escape attempt or that I needed something to actually kill Kolis with that made me feel like vomiting. It was the fact that I knew what I had to do.

I needed to become that blank canvas. The empty vessel. No emotion. No personal needs or wants. Only skin-deep. It was the only way.

My chest clenched, and my head fell back. I stared at the gold bars above me.

Resolve sank in, entrenching itself as I opened my eyes. Slowing my breath once more, I stopped again. “I’m sorry,” I whispered to myself and Sotoria.

There was no answer.

Not from her or my annoying inner voice. I looked down where my toes peeked past the edge of the gown.

Wait.

My gaze lifted to the bed. The key. Gods, I’d nearly forgotten all about it.

Crossing the short distance, I lowered myself to the floor and peered under the bed. Relief swelled as I spied it. They hadn’t seen it yet.

I wasn’t sure how useful it would be now, but I couldn’t leave it there.

Glancing at the closed doors of the outer chamber, I went down on my belly and scooted as far as I could. I stretched out my arm, trying not to think about the dreams I’d had as a child of monsters beneath my bed. My fingers brushed the cool metal. I grabbed it and quickly rose, looking around the cage. Where could I hide it?

The chests couldn’t be that secure. Nothing in this cage was secure, except…

I thought of the one place very few men traversed.

Smirking, I hurried into the bathing area and knelt at the shelf. There were baskets on the bottom. I opened one lid, finding the feminine cloths used to protect the clothing during menstruation.

Speaking of menstruation, when was my last? Gods, I was always terrible at keeping track of them. I knew I’d had one…last month? Though I wasn’t quite sure how long I’d been here. The sky beyond the windows near the ceiling was light, but that told me nothing since I knew the sun could shine much longer in Dalos than elsewhere. I could’ve been out for a day, but based on the finally Kolis had tacked on when I woke, it could’ve been longer. So, who knew?

It didn’t matter.

It wasn’t like I was having sex with anyone that could get me pregnant. Or sex at all.

I unwound the slim bundle of cloth and slipped the key inside. Once I was sure it was hidden, I rose and caught my reflection in the mirror.

“Gods.” I winced.

Blood spotted my cheeks and forehead. The bruise on my swollen jaw was a lovely shade of purple edged in red. The split in my lower lip was raw. I could see the bruises, the imprint of fingers on my throat, even from where I stood. I looked over my shoulder at the arms of the white chair and felt sick.