Kept killing.
I witnessed the final confrontation with Gnut through the eyes of his men. Coated in blood and gore with my teeth bared, I was more monster than woman, and a shudder of relief ran through me as Bjorn’s axe cleaved Gnut’s head from his shoulders, and the last stanza of Steinunn’s song flowed away on the wind.
Prying my fingers loose from their death grip on Bjorn’s shirt, I turned to find the crowd shifting and shaking their heads as the vision cleared from their mind’s eye. Ylva hugged her arms around her body, her face a mask of revulsion that didn’t fade as she looked to me. Snorri alone seemed unaffected, moving to rest a hand on Steinunn’s shoulder as he shouted, “Saga foretold that the shield maiden’s name would be born in fire! Foretold that she would unite all of Skaland beneath the one who controlled her fate. And now you have seen what it means to defy the will of the gods!”
The crowd shifted, turning to look at me. Not with respect, but with fear.
“Tomorrow, Steinunn will leave Grindill to spread word of our battle fame. She will travel through Skaland, moving from village to village, and in her wake our people will come in droves to swear oaths to me, their king,” Snorri roared, calling their attention back to him. “And those who fight at my side will be sung about for generations to come!”
The crowd cheered, and a heartbeat later drums began to pound. Jugs of mead were passed around as Snorri broke open Gnut’s stores to reward those who followed him. I stared blankly at the festivities, horror rooting me in place, because that couldn’t have been what I’d done. Wasn’t how I remembered it all, because in the moment, it had felt like justice. Like I’d been righting a wrong.
Like I’d been punishing those who’d taken Bodil from me.
Bile burned my throat. Afraid that I’d vomit in front of everyone, I twisted on my heel and muttered, “I need air.”
I walked with no destination in mind, knowing only that I needed to be away from the crowd. Needed to be away from all those people who’d stared at me like I was a monster. Who’d follow me not out of respect but fear. Vaguely, I felt Bjorn on my heels, a silent shadow watching over me. My shoes slid as I skidded to a stop and rounded on him. “It’s a lie. I don’t know if Snorri made her do it or if those who she spoke to lied, but that wasn’t how it went. The people I killed…they were the enemy. They were attacking me. They…” I trailed off as I took in the look on Bjorn’s face. The exhaustion. The grief.
“A skald’s magic can’t depict lies.” His voice was low. “No matter what people told Steinunn, the magic of her song reveals only the truth as seen by the gods.”
My lip quivered. “Is…is that what you saw, then?”
Bjorn’s silence was all the answer I needed.
“I don’t know how you can stand to look at me,” I whispered. Spinning away from him, I took one step before he caught me around the middle and pulled me into a narrow space between buildings.
“I saw you lose yourself.” His breath was hot against my face, forehead pressed to mine and hands gripping my hips, holding me in place. “To grief. To the battle.”
I wanted to accept his excuses, except that I’d seen how my eyes had burned red, nothing about them human. “What if I didn’t lose myself, Bjorn? What if I found myself?”
Lifting my chin to meet his shadowed gaze, I whispered, “Since the moment I learned of your mother’s foretelling, I’ve questioned how my magic has the power to unite a nation. What if this is it? What if…what if my power is fear?”
His fingers tightened on my hips, body pressing against mine. “You have the power to change your fate, Freya. You can leave. We can leave. Let me take you away from all of this. Force the Norns to alter our futures and to Helheim with everything my mother says.”
We can leave. A tremor ran through me at what he was offering. Not just a chance to escape this madness, but to do it with him at my side. “You’d leave?”
“Yes.”
“But…” I swallowed hard. “You’d be giving up so much. Your family. Your people. The chance for vengeance against Harald. The chance to rule Skaland.”
“I don’t want to rule,” he answered. “I want you.”
Bjorn’s mouth claimed mine then, one hand abandoning my hip to tangle in my loose hair. I whimpered, allowing him to part my lips, our tongues entwining. My body’s reaction to his touch was swift and fierce because it was always lurking beneath the surface. Always wanting.
I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeding that need with the feel of his hair on my skin, of the hard muscles of his shoulders beneath my nails. Liquid heat throbbed in my core, and I pressed my hips to his, desperate to drown the terror threatening to consume me. “Prove it.”
I felt as much as heard his intake of breath, and I buried my face in his neck, biting at his throat. “Prove that I’m what you want.” I ran my hand down his chest, down the hard muscles of his stomach, and cupped his cock. He groaned and I stroked the thick length, liquid heat rushing to my core. “Claim me.”
“Freya, not like this.” He caught hold of my wrist, pinning it to the wall of the building. “Not here.”
Frustration flooded me. “Why not?” I demanded, kissing him. Biting him hard enough that I tasted blood, his groan of pain and pleasure spiking my desire. “Is it because of your father?”
“Freya—”
“Because he’s never had me. Never will have me.”
Shock broke through the haze of desire, because I’d sworn an oath not to tell anyone of the deal Snorri and I had made. But it was as though someone else held control of my tongue. Someone who’d say anything, do anything, to get what she wanted. Panic rose in my chest, but she had too much control and shoved it away.
She kissed Bjorn, hard enough that our teeth clicked. “Our marriage is a lie, a farce.” She raked the nails of my free hand down his back. “We made a deal, Ylva and I. That he’d never touch me and that in exchange, I’d lie to everyone. But the gods know the truth, Bjorn. I am a free woman.”
Never had a greater lie been told, but she told it anyway.
“Then leave with me.” His hand slid up my ribs, cupping my breast. “Right now. Once we’re somewhere safe, I’ll give you everything you want, Freya. I swear it.”
She wanted to say yes. But beneath the want, the covetousness that was consuming me, a more familiar voice screamed, You can’t leave them!
“My family.” The protest came between desperate kisses, my hands roving down his body. “Snorri will make them pay if I run.”
“Then perhaps they should have treated you better.” Bjorn kissed my jaw, my throat. “Geir built his own barrow.”
He’s right, the new voice whispered to me. All they ever did was use you.
But the old voice, the familiar voice, pleaded, Your protection shouldn’t have to be earned.
“I can’t leave.” The words croaked out, my throat trying to strangle them and my tongue wanting to twist them into something else.
“Then we can’t do this.” Bjorn pulled out of my grip, retreating a step so that his back pressed against the building opposite. “I won’t do it, Freya. I won’t skulk around with you in the shadows, living every day a lie while I watch you be changed by my father’s ambition. I’ll have all of you or none of you.”
Fury boiled up in my chest, the purest form of rage that he’d deny me what I wanted. “If you want me free of your father’s shadow, perhaps you should find your balls and get rid of him yourself.”
Bjorn recoiled.
“Can’t stomach it?” I hissed, part of me, buried deep inside, repulsed by the words exiting my lips.
He was silent for a long moment, then said, “Your eyes are red, Freya. Same as they were when you attacked Grindill.”
Burning with crimson fire.
Nausea and revulsion drowned my anger, and I staggered a few paces away before dropping to my knees. “I’m sorry.” I dug my nails into the dirt.