“The same. Yet entirely different.” He hesitated, then added, “It’s hard to explain, but if you were to go there, I think you’d understand.”
Nordeland was Skaland’s greatest enemy, the most vicious of raiders, and I struggled to reconcile that truth with his words, for all I saw were monsters who slaughtered families and burned villages, stealing everything of value. “They treated you well?”
“Yes. Very well.”
His voice was tight, but I pressed anyway. “Snorri wishes to make war against them. Will that be difficult for you? To fight those who raised you?”
Bjorn didn’t answer, but I kept quiet, waiting, and eventually he said, “No matter how I feel about the people, vengeance must be had against the one who hurt my mother. I’ve sworn an oath to take everything from him, and anyone who stands in the way is nothing more than a casualty of war.”
A shiver ran over me, and I started to turn to look up at him, but his grip tightened. Holding me in place, he murmured, “Go to sleep, Born-in-Fire. In a few hours, we’ll finish the climb to the summit and see just what the gods have in store for you.”
“Freya, wake up.”
I groaned and pried my eyelids open, my body protesting movement as I straightened. “How long was I asleep?”
“Only a couple of hours,” Bjorn answered, climbing to his feet. “But we can’t stay any longer. It’s already midday and you need to be at the temple for the full moon.”
“How can you tell the hour?” I winced as he pulled me to my feet, everything hurting.
“Instinct.”
He rubbed at his eyes, and I noticed the shadows beneath them. “Didn’t you sleep?”
“My axe disappears if I fall asleep,” he said, “and you were cold.”
I should’ve felt guilty, but instead a rush of warmth filled my core at the kindness. “Thank you.”
Bjorn shrugged. “Be glad you weren’t born in Nordeland. You wouldn’t survive your first winter with how you deal with the cold.”
I couldn’t really argue with that, choosing instead to sling my pack over my shoulders. “Let’s climb.”
Neither of us spoke as we continued our way up the mountain, which unfortunately gave me time to dwell on the conversation we’d had before I’d fallen asleep. On the tension between us.
I knew I wasn’t imagining it. Knew that there was an attraction between us that wasn’t one-sided. What I didn’t know was what I should do about it. Satisfying the lust was a stupid risk. Not only because of the consequences of being caught, but because I didn’t think it was an itch that would disappear upon scratching, rather one that would intensify with each pass of my nails over my skin. Or his skin, to be more precise. Having him would only make me want him more, and adulterers always got caught.
Adulterer.
The word made me cringe but at the same time made me want to spit in anger, because it wasn’t accurate. Snorri and I weren’t truly wed, so how I felt for Bjorn wasn’t a betrayal of a marital commitment. But it was most definitely in violation of the blood oath I’d sworn.
I frowned, for though I’d not forgotten the oath I’d made the night of my wedding, I’d been more concerned with the consequences that would be visited upon my family if I violated it than the implications of the magic. Would the spell Ylva had cast keep me from violating my word like some sort of magical chains? Or would I somehow be harmed if I broke my oath? I didn’t know, and asking such a question of Ylva would only draw her attention to the very thing I was desperate to hide.
It doesn’t matter, I reminded myself. You’re not going to do it.
Bjorn chose that moment to look back at me. “You’re quiet.”
“Nothing to say.” I winced at the lost opportunity as he shrugged and faced forward again.
It will be easier once we are out of these tunnels, because we won’t be alone together, so there will be no temptation. Even as the thought passed through my head, I knew I was only lying to myself. It would be there, and with Snorri insisting that Bjorn had been divinely mandated to guard my every step, we’d constantly be together, which meant we’d be constantly tempted.
Deal with it, I told myself sternly. You’re not an animal to be ruled by lust. Quit thinking these thoughts and they’ll go away.
Only a fool would be thinking about sex anyway. There were far, far more pressing concerns, such as what would happen when I reached the summit for this ritual. Far more pressing questions, such as why I, of all of the gods’ children, was to play such an important role and how I’d accomplish all that had been foreseen of me. That was what I should be thinking about.
Yet my mind shied away from those questions because all of it felt out of my control. What good was dwelling on something I didn’t understand and couldn’t influence? It would only drive me to madness, especially in this moment when there was no way to discover the answers to any of those questions.
Hiding from it won’t make it go away.
I ignored the thought and glanced up at Bjorn, who led the way. My chest tightened as I drank in his broad shoulders and tapered waist, his sleeves pushed up to just beneath the sleeves of his mail shirt to bare the thick muscles of his forearms. He held his axe slightly away from him to keep from igniting his trousers, and I admired the focus it must take to keep his magic constantly burning. The effort it took must be exhausting.
It was this admiration that concerned me, because the things I was feeling…they weren’t just physical. I liked him. Liked how he was both terrifyingly ruthless and heartbreakingly kind. Liked how he made me laugh and how his wit kept me on my toes. Liked the way I felt not just safe in his presence, but strong. I wanted to be close to him, and I was terrified of how my feelings might grow if I kept feeding that want.
Talk to him.
Gods help me, but that was the logical thing to do. Bjorn stood to lose as much as I did in betraying his father if we succumbed to the tension between us. Perhaps if we discussed the issue and came to a unified stance that we’d not pursue any of this, we’d save ourselves a great deal of heartache.
Say something, I urged myself. Now is the time.
My lips parted, but rather than anything useful coming forth, I only gaped like a fish with my tongue frozen. What if I was wrong? What if this attraction was entirely one-sided and the admission of my feelings horrified him? In my mind’s eye, I imagined saying, Bjorn, I know I’m married to your father, but we need to address how we both want to strip naked and have sex, and a look of panic and disgust filling his eyes as embarrassment slowly buried me with barrow stones.
Better that than the alternative, a voice whispered. Quit being such a coward and broach the issue.
Gathering my courage, I said, “Bjorn—”
But he was pointing up the steps to where the faint glow of sunlight illuminated the walls. “It appears we’ve reached the top.”
For the first time in what felt like an eternity, I inhaled clean mountain air. We’d made it to Fjalltindr.
Which meant the moment to speak, and the moment to act, was over.
A crushing wave of relief washed over me, and pushing past Bjorn, I all but sprinted up the last set of stairs and stepped out onto a mountaintop.
All around was cloud and mist, and I waited for my eyes to adjust lest I accidentally fall off the edge of the cliff I’d just fought so hard to climb. As I blinked away stinging tears, trees came into view, as well as ground covered with a light dusting of snow.
Standing on that ground was a man who gaped at me, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.
“How…?” he said, reaching out to touch me as though to ascertain whether I were real. “How…?”
“The draug are vanquished,” Bjorn announced, stepping up next to me and causing the man to jerk back. “For which you may give your thanks to Freya Born-in-Fire, child of Hlin and lady of Halsar.”
I bit the insides of my cheeks, wishing with all my heart that I might shirk that last title.