“Star, you’re jabbering. Stop it,” said Simone, blowing her nose after having sobbed unashamedly for the second time in as many days. Maggie was crying too. Their sister’s sudden uninhibited displays had left the other two without an emotional rudder, and the result was blubbing havoc.
“Sorry.” Star took a breath. “The thing is this. I could have it for you, your baby. I could have your baby for you if you’d like me to.”
Maggie let out a breath in surprise, while Simone glared at Star, as though this was a joke that she didn’t find funny. When no one spoke for a full minute, the vibe in the room began to feel uncomfortable, and Star wondered if she’d made a monumental faux pas. But she rode the discomfort because this felt like the right thing to do, something she knew she could do for her sister that maybe no one else could.
“You mean, like surrogacy?” Maggie ventured.
“Yes. Only, I wouldn’t want paying. I might need help with expenses, but otherwise it would be a simple case of me growing your child for you and then handing it over.”
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” said Simone.
“Of course.”
More blank looks.
“When you think about it, it’s actually very simple. You really want children, you haven’t been able to get pregnant yet, and I know that I can get pregnant, so it makes sense.”
Simone winced but recovered herself and said cautiously, “A somewhat generalized statement, but there is truth to it, unfortunately.”
But Maggie had picked up on something else. “What do you mean ‘you know you can get pregnant’?”
Star shifted in her seat. She looked at Simone, unsure how her next confession would go down with a woman who was desperate to have a baby. But if she was going to do this, it would doubtlessly come out in the course of doctors’ appointments down the line. She took a deep breath and began. “I was fifteen. I knew I couldn’t keep it, I could barely look after myself, I was in no way equipped to have a baby.”
She gave her sisters a moment to let this sink in.
“Was it Troy’s?” Simone was bristling.
“No, it wasn’t Troy’s.” she snapped. “I existed outside of Rowan Thorp, you know.”
“Of course, sorry,” said Simone.
Star shook off her annoyance. She’d never really discussed this with anyone, and though she knew she’d done absolutely the right thing, she couldn’t help feeling defensive.
“I made a silly mistake with a friend of a friend I’d met at a party. We’d both had too much to drink. I’d never really believed the teachers at school when they’d said it only took one slipup. I sort of thought they were just scaremongering. But there we are.”
“Did you tell him? About the pregnancy?” asked Simone.
“No. I didn’t see him again after the party. And anyway, what would be the point? He wouldn’t have been any more ready to become a parent than I was. It would only have complicated things.”
“But your mum helped you . . . sort everything out?” asked Maggie.
“God no! She was in one of her delicate spiritual states. But I told Troy. I’d found out just before I was due to come here for the summer, and although I knew I couldn’t keep it, I didn’t know how to go about getting an abortion. I couldn’t tell my mum. I’d hoped you’d both be here, and I’d tell you and you’d help me. But you weren’t. So I blurted it all out to Troy on my first night back, and together we told his mum. She was great. She spoke to Dad, and between us all we managed to get it done. Simone, you always wondered why Troy and I are so close—that’s why.”
“How did we not know about this?” asked Maggie.
“You weren’t around, either of you. You’d pretty much ditched Rowan Thorp by that time.” And me! she didn’t say, but the inference wasn’t lost on her sisters. She didn’t want to feel her old hurts, but it was impossible not to when reliving them like this.
“You could have called us,” said Simone.
Her signature defensiveness acted like a flame to Star’s touch paper. She’d made calls, but they were never returned.
“Really?” Her chin jutted out in defiance. “I literally didn’t hear from you for like two years, longer for Maggie. You just stopped coming. I was all alone. Summer used to be my favorite time of the year because I got to see my big sisters, and then suddenly it was like I didn’t even exist. I was all alone!” she repeated. She thought she had laid those ghosts to rest, but apparently not; the sting of abandonment was fresh.
Simone shook her head and muttered “Shit!” under her breath and then said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I was a teenager, wrapped up in my own dramas. I guess I never thought about it from your point of view. I just felt like I was too old for playing in tree houses . . .”
Star took a breath and centered herself. “Look, it’s not your fault. I absolutely didn’t mean for this to turn all recriminatory. You had your own lives; I totally get it. I just missed you both.”
“Oh, Star.” Maggie held one hand to her heart. “I’m sorry we weren’t there for you. You shouldn’t have had to go through that alone.”
“I had Troy and his mum, and while Dad didn’t exactly talk about it, he made sure I was comfortable afterward and cooked me soup.”
“That’s not good enough. We’re your sisters! We should have been there. We let you down.” Maggie’s lip wobbled as she spoke, and Star wondered if she was imagining Verity finding herself in the same predicament and having no one to turn to.
“I did wish you were here with me.” Her voice was quiet. “That was probably the time I missed you the most. But I got over it and I’m fine. It was the right thing to do.”
Simone nodded. “Of course it was.”
“Absolutely,” agreed Maggie, dabbing at her eyes. “No question about it.”
“So that’s how I know I can get pregnant. I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, Simone. And I might be the last person on earth you’d want to carry your child. But the offer is there. No strings attached.”
“What if you decide you want to keep the baby?” asked Simone. “You’ll have carried it for nine months, you’ll have bonded with it.”
“I won’t,” she assured her. “It will be your baby. I’m not going to change my mind. I’m healthy; I eat well, I don’t smoke, I haven’t done drugs for years, not class A’s anyway, and I’m still young enough—just. And most importantly, I want to do this for you.”
“I—I don’t know what to say,” Simone stammered. Her face was a flurry of conflicting emotions.
“Quick, put out a news bulletin: Simone North is lost for words!” Maggie joked.
“Can I think about it?”
Star laughed. “Of course! You don’t have to decide right now. I’m just telling you that the offer is there, and it’s a serious one. Take your time, although you know, don’t take so much time that I start the menopause like Maggie.”
“Cheers, Star!” Maggie snorted and gave her the bird. “I’ll have you know that I am in my prime. Hot flashes, sleepless nights, and yo-yoing emotions aside, perimenopause has gifted me with the libido of a horny teenager.”
“No wonder Joe always looks so chipper!”
“I’ll need to talk to Evette, is that okay?” Simone was oblivious to the sidetrack the conversation had taken.