I shake my head.
“Look, you need to know, so I need to tell you.” Nina takes a deep breath. “So here it goes. Three years ago I went to a party at this crazy house called the Mothership. It was the middle of summer, but it looked like the middle of winter in their backyard because someone had somehow gotten ahold of an industrial snowmaking machine and they just turned that sucker on and left it running for two days straight. When I got to the party, everyone was outside going nuts, some girls were building an igloo and there were snowball fights everywhere and some guy was making this insane snowman that actually looked like a person. So I had had this idea to make this sort of fuzzy pink dress for myself and dye my hair light pink, and be a Hostess Sno Ball. So I did, and that’s what I wore to the party, but everyone just kept asking if I was cotton candy or a pink pom-pom or something.
“And then this guy came up to me, really cute, carrying this snowboard. And I’d noticed him before doing these insane snowboard tricks on this ramp they’d set up. Anyway, he just turned to me and, I’ll never forget this because it was the very first thing he ever said to me, he said, ‘Someday I’ll be telling our grandchildren how when I met their grandma she was dressed up like a snack cake.’ And I know that could sound like a cheesy line or something but because of the way he said it and because it was about snack cakes, it didn’t feel cheesy, it was just funny. And then I looked at him and I was like, ‘Well, you know, by the time we have grandkids it’ll be way in the future and snack cakes might not even exist anymore,’ and he was like, ‘Well, if that’s true we should probably start stockpiling now, don’t you think, sweetheart?’ And that was the first conversation we ever had.” Nina turns toward me and smiles.
I smile back.
“That was kinda it for me. We were just together after that. We didn’t have to talk about it or wonder about it, we just…were. So, one day Jason starts telling me about his stepbrother and how he was kind of messed up and how he got sent away to boarding school and how really deep down he was a good kid.” Nina shakes her head. “Jason saw the best in people. Which wasn’t always so good for him, I guess.” She looks back down at her napkin. “Jason said his stepbrother was going to be in town on break from school and he wanted me to meet him. And I was excited, actually. I mean, I had no idea where all this would…” Nina swallows hard. “I had no idea where all this would end up. But anyway, so I met Sean. I remember thinking right when I first met him that there was just something really, I don’t know, different about him, I guess. But I kind of liked that about him. You know what I mean?”
I nod. “I thought the same thing when I met him.” And I smile wryly, because it’s all so ridiculous.
Nina smiles wryly back. “He was really charming sometimes. Charming and weird and I thought, well, good for him for doing his own thing. And to be honest, at first I really liked having him around, it was nice having someone to be a big sister to.” Nina tips her head to the side. “I missed you then, Belly. But you were always so mad at me around that time.”
“I’m sorry.” I nod. “I just wished you were around more then, I guess, and I didn’t really know how to express it.”
“I know that now,” Nina says. “What I’m trying to say is just that I was thinking of him like a little brother. But he didn’t see it that way. He got this crush on me. Right at the beginning I thought it was just kind of innocent and sweet,” Nina takes a breath, “it didn’t take too long to realize it wasn’t.