They walk. Though often in Sewanee you drive a distance that short, Sebastian sets off walking without discussion. The boys run ahead of him and Jennifer lags behind, because her only previous encounter with Sebastian has convinced her that she doesn’t enjoy his company.
To her surprise, when they get to the playground Sebastian starts playing with the boys—chasing them and swinging them around until they’re manic with delight. She’d had him pegged as the type to hang back, checking his phone. She sits on a bench and watches him do the testosterone thing. Sometimes she plays with Milo like this, but she’s too old to sustain the necessary energy long. Tommy wanted to be this kind of dad, and intermittently was, before he died. But a drunk can’t be counted on to distinguish between fun and frightening. A drunk can’t be counted on to gauge another person’s response.
Sebastian flops down next to her on the bench, giving off heat. He makes an animal sound of weariness. He doesn’t look at her, keeping his eyes on the boys. They’re giggling behind the slide, planning something they clearly think is devilish and clever, but most likely isn’t. “I guess that was just a blip on the radar,” he says.
“What was?”
He mimes stabbing.
“Oh,” she says. “I’m really sorry.”
He shrugs irritably, and from this she concludes he wants no further apology. But she can’t think of anything else to talk about, so if they’re to converse the burden will be on him. He props his elbows on the back of the bench, not looking at her. “I need to apologize,” he said. “I’m sorry about how I was at Megan’s party.”
“It’s all right.”
“Not really. It was a little early in our acquaintance to show you my worst side.”
“Better than the reverse,” Jennifer says. “At least then you know what you’re getting.”
Sebastian looks at her like he can’t decide whether to be affronted or amused.
Jennifer watches herself choose to press forward. Something about him provokes her to speech when normally she’d choose silence. “Why do you live here, if you don’t like it?”
“We came for Megan’s job.”
“Oh.”
“If you’re an academic, you have to go where the jobs are.” He sighs. “But also Megan likes it here. She didn’t really like New York.”
“But you did?”
“I did. I was a real photographer in New York, and now I take pictures of toddlers in their Easter clothes.”
“Oh,” Jennifer says again. Then, to her own surprise, she says, “I lived in New York a little while. I wanted to be a dancer.”
“Really? What happened?”
“I got married.”
“Ah.” Sebastian laughs. “Me too.” There’s a silence, and then he says, “At my wedding my aunt told me she had a piece of advice. I thought it would be something like never go to bed angry, but instead she looked at me and said, ‘Endure. Endure. Endure.’?” He tells this like it’s funny, but Jennifer feels no urge to laugh. Maybe because she doesn’t, he gives her that wary look again. “Anyway, I’m sorry. I’m sure you think I’m an asshole.”
“Maybe not.”
“Maybe not?”
“It was just one incident,” Jennifer says. “Do you think my son’s a sociopath?”
He grins. “No. Maybe not.” The grin fades, and he continues, “But I have to warn you that Megan might. She gets very worked up about Ben, very nervous any time she thinks another kid might be a bully.”
“Oh,” Jennifer says.
“We have friends, another couple, with a kid a year older than Ben, and once we had them over for dinner and their kid bit his ear. Now I can’t get Megan to hang out with them. Don’t be surprised if she’s weird with you for a while.”
“But I didn’t stab Ben.”
He shrugs. “Your kid did. Same thing.”
“But not for you.”
“I’m not quite as caught up in the psychodrama of child rearing. Is your kid alive at the end of the day? Did you feed him? Did you tell him you liked his drawing? Good. Great. You’ve done your job. It’s crazy to think you can mold them into perfect human beings, if you just make all the perfect choices. It’s crazy to think you can protect them from pain.”
Jennifer has a stunned, stupid feeling. The only thought in her head is: I ruined it.
“People don’t think it, because she seems so nice, so open, but Megan’s actually pretty unforgiving.”
“I didn’t realize that.” Jennifer must sound stricken, because Sebastian glances at her and groans in dismay.