The Doll's House

‘He had no right. Neither of you have any right to be talking behind my back.’


‘It wasn’t like that. You’re vulnerable right now. Martin explained everything to me.’

I remember him interfering with the letter. He must have taken down Orla’s email address. ‘Exactly what has he explained to you?’

‘Clodagh, it doesn’t matter.’

‘It does to me.’

‘Martin said you were going through …’ She pauses.

‘Through what, Orla?’ I don’t care if I sound harsh.

‘A bit of a breakdown.’

‘Go on.’

‘He said you were recording messages to yourself. He’s afraid you might hit the bottle again.’

‘Orla, I can’t talk to you any more.’ I need to shut her off.

‘Clodagh, please don’t hang up.’

‘You’re on his side.’

‘It isn’t about taking sides, Clodagh. It’s about your well-being.’

‘Did he say anything else?’

‘He said …’

‘Orla, just say it.’ I can’t take much more of this.

‘He said you were talking to …’

‘Talking to whom?’ I wonder if he’s found out about Gerard Hayden.

‘Clodagh, this is difficult to say.’

‘Orla, please.’

‘Dolls. He said you were talking to dolls. That you believed they could see and know things.’

I’m all out of words. I can hear Orla talking, but not what she’s saying. I feel numb. I hang up, hearing the connection die, followed by a darkened screen, zapping it all out. I need to think. I go back to Ruby’s room, unsure of what to do next. It’s then that I hear him calling my name. The way he has done so many times in the past, old and familiar.

He climbs the stairs, and I wait. From the darkness of Ruby’s bedroom, he looks like a large bear in the doorway. ‘Clodagh,’ he says, his tone soft and gentle. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I don’t know, Dominic. I don’t know anything, not any more.’



As he walks into the room, Dominic’s movements are slow. When he sits on the side of the bed, he notices Emma. ‘I see you still have your doll.’

‘In a way, Emma has always been with me.’

For a while he says nothing, giving me some space. Then he says, ‘Do you remember the argument, Clodagh, the one where Emma’s face split in two?’

‘I remember Mum and Dad’s voices. We were sitting on the stairs. You were trying to drag me away.’

‘I didn’t mean for your doll to fall, Clodagh. You believe me, don’t you?’

‘Yes.’ His face is close to mine. It feels like we’re kids again. Dominic, my older brother, looking out for me, protecting me, telling me everything will be okay, even when it isn’t. ‘What happened to us back then, Dominic? Why are there so many bits that I can’t remember?’

‘We had a shitty childhood, Clodagh. Only, for the most part, you were too young to understand a lot of it.’ He looks pained.

‘I couldn’t help that.’

‘Whatever. It was different for you. That’s all I’m saying.’

‘Just as well, considering what a fuck-up I’ve made of things.’ I laugh out loud at myself, keeping my eyes on him. Dominic has had his fair share of crap to contend with too. I was always envious of his relationship with Mum. But after Dad died, she leaned on him. He became the functional man in her life, even if he was too young for the role.

‘Dominic?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yesterday, when I went up to the attic in Seacrest, I had another reason for going there other than looking for Emma.’

‘What?’

‘I remembered you and me and Martin and Stevie hiding up there. It had something to do with Emmaline.’

‘You must have imagined it, Clodagh.’

‘I don’t know. Maybe I did, but I can’t help feeling it’s important.’

A zillion thoughts are rushing through my head now. If Dominic knew about Mum’s infidelity, and the other shitty stuff, he wasn’t like me. He didn’t hate her for it, even though he was on the receiving end of her emotional baggage. My memory’s a mess but I know that much. And, for the first time, I wonder if he had a sense of divided loyalty back then. If he knew about the affair and didn’t betray her, had he betrayed Dad instead?

‘Dominic, did Dad know Mum was having an affair, that there were other men?’

‘Not at the beginning. He was too wrapped up in the business. He wouldn’t have been able to see something sitting on the end of his nose.’

‘So when did he find out? What happened then?’

‘It was after the business collapsed.’ Dominic draws a deep breath and lets it out slowly. ‘One day he was this big success. Then everything started slipping away. His moods deteriorated. You don’t remember it, Clodagh. At least, I don’t think you do. He went to a very dark place.’

‘How do you mean?’

‘Angry outbursts, him wanting to punish the world, keeping his anger behind closed doors.’