The Book Stops Here

By now I could tell that she was teasing me, so I sat and enjoyed my cocktail and chips, while they sampled my special dip.

 

We took turns telling everyone how our day had gone. When it got around to me, I retold the story of my visit to Edward Strathmore’s odd home.

 

“I’ve met Edward a few times at various fund-raising events,” Alex said. “He’s charming and old-fashioned. I never would’ve guessed he lives in a shrine dedicated to Mae West.”

 

“Oh, it’s way more than a shrine,” I said, sipping my drink.

 

“Who’s Mae West?” Suzie asked as she poured more mixer into the blender.

 

There was silence as we all turned and stared at her.

 

“Are you kidding?” I asked.

 

Vinnie looked both horrified and worried. “Suzie, you can’t be serious.”

 

“I am serious,” Suzie said with a shrug, and squeezed limes into the mixture. “I’ve never heard of her.”

 

“Oh, my gosh,” Vinnie said. “I can’t believe it.” She raised her hands in surrender. “But, then, I cannot talk. You thought it was sad that I’d never heard of Ella Fitzgerald.”

 

“That was sad,” Suzie agreed.

 

“Vinnie, how did you hear of Mae West in India?” Alex asked.

 

Vinnie giggled. “It is a good question because we are such a puritanical country. And Mae West was a wicked woman with many lecherous moves and suggestive phrases. Her dresses were much too tight and her sense of humor was blatantly lewd. Naturally, my father was a huge fan.”

 

I laughed. “My father was, too.”

 

“I enjoyed her very much, as well.” Vinnie thrust her shoulders back slowly, let her head sway a bit, and before our very eyes, she switched personalities. She splayed her hands on her hips and began to sashay sensuously in Suzie’s direction.

 

“What are you doing?” Suzie asked, giving her a suspicious look.

 

Vinnie nudged her playfully with her shoulder. “Why don’t you come up sometime and see me?”

 

I let out a surprised giggle. Vinnie’s Indian accent, always so cheerful and chirpy, was gone. Instead, she sounded low and sultry with a slight nasal quality. It was a surprisingly good imitation of Mae West.

 

“I’ve heard that line before,” Suzie said.

 

Vinnie nudged her again. “When I’m good, I’m very good. But when I’m bad, I’m better.”

 

Suzie laughed. “You’re very good, babe.”

 

She batted her eyelashes. “I’ve been in more laps than a napkin.”

 

I snorted a laugh. “I’ve never heard that one before.”

 

“Me, either,” Alex said.

 

Vinnie turned and winked at us. “I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”

 

Alex actually giggled.

 

“Marriage is a great institution,” Vinnie drawled, swaggering around the kitchen. “But I’m not ready for an institution.”

 

Suzie laughed. “How do you know all these lines?”

 

“They’re from Mae West movies,” Vinnie said, dropping the character. “She’s famous for them. But if you did not grow up watching her movies, you probably missed them.”

 

“I missed the movies,” Suzie said, “but somehow I’ve heard a few of those lines.”

 

Vinnie strutted again. “I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.”

 

We all laughed, and I said, “Vinnie, you do a great impression of her.”

 

Suzie shook her head. “You never cease to amaze me, babe.”

 

Vinnie slipped her arm around Suzie’s waist. “That was fun. We will rent some of those old movies so you can see the real Mae West in action.”

 

“Good idea.” Suzie looked at me. “So, this guy you met today is an expert on Mae West?”

 

“Yes. It was really interesting.”

 

“And a little freaky?” Suzie said.

 

“Yeah,” I admitted. “He’s sweet and gentlemanly, but there was definitely a touch of the weird.”

 

“I can imagine,” Alex said. “With mannequins and wigs all over the place? You do meet the most interesting people in your job.”

 

“I do. Just wait till I tell you about the snake.”

 

They stared at me. Alex held out her glass. “I’m going to need a refill first.”

 

? ? ?

 

Monday at noon Derek and I showed up at the television studio and met up with Randy in the parking lot.

 

“You look so much better today,” I said.

 

“I feel a hundred percent better,” he said. “I don’t know what hit me—maybe a little food poisoning or some twenty-four-hour bug—but it’s gone.”

 

“I’m so glad,” I said. “Make sure it stays gone, because none of us wants it.”

 

“I hear you,” he said with a smile, and strolled away to talk to the director. Derek and I took off toward the dressing rooms.

 

“Hey, Brooklyn,” Tom said, stopping us near the makeup room. “I’m glad you’re here. Let’s talk.”

 

Derek gave me a curious look and I shook my head. I had no idea what he wanted to discuss.

 

“The first show aired over the weekend,” he said as he led me back toward the studio door.

 

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