Now move into downward-facing dog, said the lilting voice in Aria’s headphones.
Aria placed her hands on the carpet and pointed her butt in the air. She heard footsteps and looked up. Meredith leaned against the doorjamb, her fingers worrying an apron around her waist. “I thought you said you weren’t into yoga.”
Aria sat up quickly, feeling caught. “Uh . . .” She trailed off, not able to find an appropriate excuse.
Meredith sat down on the edge of the couch and flicked the tassels on one of the pillows. “It was really nice to talk to you about that stuff between me and your dad the other day.”
Aria’s mouth twitched. “Um, yeah,” she mumbled, not sure if she meant it.
“I’ve never been able to tell anyone about how hard things were,” Meredith went on. “I realize you weren’t the right person, and I understand that you probably don’t care if things were difficult for me or not. But I do know that I hurt you. And I want you to know that I never meant to. I didn’t want to break up your family. I feel terrible about that every day.”
“Think about how I felt,” Aria said, feeling a rush of anger. “I felt like I would break up my family if I didn’t keep the secret. But I also felt like I was betraying my mom for not saying anything.”
“I know,” Meredith said earnestly. “And I’m sorry about that. But after things were out in the open, did you feel better?”
Aria arched her back, examining the wooden pendant light hanging from the ceiling. “It was awful hiding it. The anticipation of getting found out was even worse than people knowing the truth. I guess I did feel better eventually.”
Meredith twisted the promise ring Byron had given her around her finger. “Can I ask you something? Did you ask me all that stuff because you were curious about me, or because you were dealing with a secret of your own? Something you didn’t want to tell anyone?”
Aria’s head shot up, and for a moment, she feared A had sent Meredith a message, telling her everything. But Meredith’s expression was innocent—caring, even. Like it mattered to her what happened to Aria. For a moment, she almost felt like—well, not a mother, exactly, but family.
“Something like that,” Aria mumbled into her chest.
“Are you okay?”
Aria shrugged, not answering.
Meredith sighed, then touched Aria’s knee. “I’m really sorry. Secrets can eat you alive. They break down your soul. It’s always better to have things out in the open.”
Aria nodded, wishing Meredith would have told her that a few days ago instead of blathering on about how keeping secrets was sometimes in one’s best interest. No more secrets, Noel had said to Aria last week. Of course he had a right to be furious with her—she’d kept something huge from him, something he deserved to know. How could she expect to have a real relationship with him if she didn’t share her most intimate feelings, those things that either made or broke a couple? It was what Noel wanted. It was what Aria wanted, too—with him.
All of a sudden, a door opened in her mind. She checked her watch. Noel probably hadn’t left for school yet. With any luck, she could catch him . . . and try to fix things.
Noel’s telltale stomping footsteps sounded from the other side of his front door. “What are you doing here?” he said gruffly when he opened it and saw Aria.
Aria fiddled with the mohair scarf wound around her neck. “I came to apologize and explain.”
Noel turned away. “Save your breath.”
He was about to shut the door on her, but Aria caught it. “Hear me out, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what happened with your dad. I was afraid of what it would do to your family. I hated the idea of us being together with me knowing a secret about you, so I thought it would be better if we were apart.”
The Kahns’ phone rang inside the house, letting out a couple of shrill peals. “Noel, can you get that?” Mrs. Kahn called. But Noel’s gaze remained on Aria. He didn’t say anything, just stared.
“I was trying to protect you.” Aria went on, filling the silence. “I had already hurt my family because of a secret. I didn’t want to do that to your family, too. I care more about you than I do about us, if that makes any sense. And I knew family means everything to you. That’s why I did it.”
She closed her mouth, her heart racing. Even though it wasn’t the whole truth, it was as close as she could come without telling him about A. Because there was no way she could do that—not with A on the loose, not with A so willing to murder people. Aria loved Noel too much to put him in danger.
There was a long pause. Noel stared at his feet, seemingly weighing his emotions. Aria sucked in her stomach nervously. What if he slammed the door in her face? What if he didn’t care?