Or had she gained weight?
Hanna thought about the cookies she’d eaten at the Christmas party. And the leftover party snacks she’d gorged on last night while watching TV in her room, hiding from her dad, Isabel, and Kate. And the pieces of fudge she’d grabbed from the open box on the island when she passed through the kitchen.
Her skin began to prickle. She felt one step away from backsliding into the chubby, ugly, dorky loser she’d been before Ali had befriended her in sixth grade. She peeked at her reflection in the mirror again, and for a split second, she saw a girl with poop-brown hair, pink rubber bands on her braces, and pimples on her forehead. It was the old Hanna, the girl she swore she would never, ever be again.
“No,” Hanna said in a gurgling whisper, covering her eyes with her hands and sinking to the chair.
“Hanna?” Lauren’s platform heels appeared under the door. “Is everything okay?”
Hanna eked out a yes, but everything was very, very far from okay. All of a sudden, it felt like everything in her life was spiraling out of control. And she had to do something about it—fast.
Chapter 5
Down from Mount Olympus
The next morning Hanna cycled around and around the elliptical trainer at Body Tonic, the upscale gym she’d been attending since the end of eighth grade. Each machine had a built-in TV with a zillion cable channels, a juice bar and spa stood next to the checkin desk, and the locker rooms boasted a eucalyptus steam room, a whirlpool bath, and Kiehl’s products in all of the showers. All around her, fit men, women, and the occasional student from one of the many elite private schools in the area jogged on treadmills, pedaled on recumbent bikes, or did slightly vulgar-looking squats on exercise balls. A yoga class was taking place in the exercise room at the back, and at that very moment, the class was attempting the half-moon pose, their bodies making T shapes, their legs wobbling.
Sweat was in Hanna’s eyes, her arms and legs burned, and she’d just seen an upsetting newscast on TV that mentioned Ian Thomas was proclaiming his innocence from behind bars. But she couldn’t stop exercising now. There was no way she would remain a size six. She wouldn’t let a salesgirl snicker at her ever again.
Her phone buzzed and she reached for it eagerly, checking once more to see if Lucas had called, texted, posted on Facebook, anything, but it was just Aria, asking to borrow Hanna’s notes from English.
Hanna’s chest felt tight. It made her feel unbelievably lame, but she missed Lucas—and it didn’t seem like he missed her at all. She threw her phone back into the little plastic cup on the machine intended for water bottles, and cranked up the resistance another few levels. It didn’t matter. She’d lose ten pounds, look fabulous again, and withhold all affection when Lucas returned.
Then again, she thought, what if Lucas didn’t even care about her when he got home? What if he’d decided to ditch her for Princess Puke-a-tan?
“You’re really going for it, huh?”
Hanna jumped, looked down, and saw a buff guy in a tight Body Tonic T-shirt, long mesh shorts, and gray New Balance sneakers standing next to her machine. He had the bluest eyes she’d ever seen, close-cropped dark hair, and gorgeous golden skin, and his muscles bulged without looking too bodybuilderish. Hanna recognized him instantly—when she and Mona used to come to Body Tonic together, they’d nicknamed him Apollo, for obvious reasons. He prowled around the exercise room, grinning at girls, occasionally lifting a weight or doing a stomach crunch, and training all of the super-rich Main Line female clientele. But the clincher was when they’d caught him sitting in his car in the parking lot, rocking out to “Stairway to Heaven,” pretending the steering wheel was a drum kit. Apollo was a reformed dork, just like Hanna and Mona were.
Hanna glanced behind her to see if Apollo was speaking to someone else, but she was the only person on this row of elliptical trainers. “Uh, pardon?” she asked, trying to sound breezy. She wished she’d brought a hand towel to mop off her face.
Apollo grinned and gestured to the LCD readout on Hanna’s machine. “You’ve been working out for eighty minutes. That’s intense.”
“Oh.” Hanna kept pedaling. “I’m trying to get back into shape. I’ve been to a few too many holiday parties.” She laughed self-consciously, then cursed herself for drawing attention to her Christmas-cookie bubble butt.
“The holidays can be tough.” Apollo leaned on the machine next to hers. “I’m leading a fitness retreat that starts today designed specifically to get people through the holidays. It focuses on exercise, nutrition, and mental wellness.”