The sensation of being filled by him rent a moan from her throat. Jess threw her head back, and her hips rose to meet his. Bracing his arms on either side of her, he began to move in long, sure strokes that hurled her to the razor’s edge a second time.
The intensity of the pleasure overwhelmed her. Finding his mouth with hers, she kissed him deeply, offering everything that made her a woman. And still he moved within her.
A growl rumbled up from his chest. His strokes quickened, his arms began to quiver. Never taking his eyes from hers, Madrid lowered himself onto her more fully and took her face between his hands. Overwhelmed by sensation, by the truth she saw in his eyes, Jess couldn’t speak. But at that moment she didn’t need words to know what was in his heart.
Lowering his mouth to hers, he spilled his seed into the deepest reaches of her body.
And touched her soul.
Chapter Fifteen
Madrid lay in the darkness and watched the moonlight dance on the wall. Next to him, Jess lay warm and still. It was so quiet he could hear the soft whisper of her breathing. He should have been asleep himself, considering he was working on two days without it. But his mind refused to give him respite.
He’d done the one thing he’d sworn he wouldn’t do. He’d let himself get close to Jess. He wanted to believe what had happened between them was about sex. But the physical joy he’d experienced with Jess went far beyond sex. Far beyond anything he’d ever experienced with another human being. She’d touched something deep inside him. A part of him he’d guarded for the past five years. A part of him he’d vowed never to share again.
Yet here he was, physically sated and lying next to a beautiful woman who had no idea what she was getting into. Little did she know that his touch—his love—was the kiss of death.
Love?
The word echoed inside his head like a killing shot. The thought frightened him more than facing down any killer. It frightened him because he knew what happened to the people he cared for. It was a truth he had accepted five years ago when he’d lost two people he would have given his own life to protect. Now he’d put Jess in the very same position.
How in the name of God had this happened?
“If you frown any harder your head is going to explode.”
He actually started at the sound of her voice. Turning slightly, he risked a look at her. She was propped on an elbow, her expression soft and amused. Her face was pale and lovely in the thin light filtering through the window. Her eyes were liquid and dark and moisture glistened on her full lips.
He wanted her. They’d made love twice and already he was hard and aching. He wished he could forget about the past so he could put his arms around her and make love to her until nothing else mattered in the world.
His conscience wouldn’t allow it. Besides, he had neither the luxury nor the freedom. Tonight he’d crossed a line he’d sworn he would never cross. Now the time had come for him to pay for his transgression.
“You should be sleeping,” he said.
He stiffened slightly when she snuggled against him, closing his eyes against the quick swipe of pleasure. Oh, how he wanted to reach for her and kiss her until they were both mindless with pleasure.
“You’re tense.”
“Yeah, well, in case you’ve forgotten there are a few people out there who’d like to see us both dead.” He hadn’t meant the words to come out so harshly, but she was making him want her and that was ticking him off. What he had done went against everything he believed in.
“Madrid.”
He knew what was coming, so he didn’t acknowledge her. He didn’t even look at her, just continued staring at the ceiling, hoping he had the discipline to do the right thing and stay the hell away from her if she reached for him.
Too late.
“What happened five years ago?” she asked.
Madrid said nothing.
“Don’t shut me out.”
He did look at her then, drinking in the soft beauty of her face, the determination in her eyes. And he knew no matter how much he wanted her to, she wasn’t going to let this go. “I screwed up, Jess. I got two people I cared about killed.”
Sympathy scrolled across her features, but she didn’t look away. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah. Me, too.”
“Why do you blame yourself?”
He sighed, closed his eyes briefly. “Because I’m the one who killed them.”
Jess felt the words like a brass-knuckle punch. Until an hour ago she’d had no idea Madrid had been married or that he’d been a father. He’d never spoken of his past. She couldn’t imagine the horrific pain of losing both a spouse and a child. Or the agony of blaming himself.
“How did it happen?”
Her instincts told her not to prod. She could plainly see that his pain was like an open wound. But Jess sensed this was something that had been festering inside him for a long time. Something he needed to get out so he could heal and, if he was lucky, move on with his life.
Lacing his hands behind his head, he lay back on the settee and looked up at the ceiling. “I was a hacker with the CIA back then.”
“A hacker?”
“I worked with encryption mostly.”