“That must have been harrowing work.”
He smiled, but it felt tight on his face. “I was into the adrenaline of it back then. There was no assignment too dangerous. I knew how to handle myself, think fast on my feet. I had that nine-lives thing going.”
“What went wrong?”
“The French government was also working to infiltrate this cell. They sent in a female opera tive. Her name was Monique. It took months of hard work to get close to this group. Months of isolation. Being surrounded by radicals and murderers. Pretending to be one of them. Knowing Monique was one of the good guys helped get me through it. We became friends.” He grimaced. “We became more than friends.”
“You were lovers?”
He nodded. “It was unprofessional. Reckless. I knew it, but by then I was so burned out I couldn’t stop seeing her. She was the only light in my life. I saw things during those months…” Remembering, he let his voice trail. “This group was brutal. Fanatical. Dangerous as hell. I knew they were planning something big. Once I figured out what that something was, I could get out. But until I had the goods, I had to hold on. Monique helped me do that.” Bitterness rose inside him. “Or so I thought.”
“What happened?”
“By then I was living in North Africa, sleeping in an underground bunker with about twelve other men, all of them terrorists. I’d been inside for about eight months when it happened.” Sweat broke out on his skin and he threw the covers from his chest. “Six armed men stormed the bunker in the wee hours. They woke me up. The Jaguar was there. One look, and I knew my cover had been blown.”
“That must have been terrifying.”
“I did my best to convince them otherwise. I simply couldn’t figure out how they’d made me. The CIA had been meticulous. I’d been careful.” He blew out a sigh. “Well, I’d been careful in every area except for one.”
“Monique,” Mattie guessed.
Cutter nodded and tried not to feel like a fool. “They took me to an old prison, part of which was underground. The room was windowless. There were restraints. Electricity. Instruments of torture. I knew what was going to happen. The Jaguar was in charge, and I knew he was going to try to make me talk. Either that or kill me trying.”
THE HORROR HE MUST HAVE FELT knowing that he was going to be tortured, probably to death. “Oh Cutter.”
“It never entered my mind that Monique was the one who’d given me up until I saw her there. In that terrible room. At first I thought they had found her out, too. That she would be tortured. Then I realized she was a double agent for The Jaguar—and his lover, as well. The Jaguar has a reputation for being wildly jealous. He knew I’d slept with Monique. And he took great pleasure in having me at his mercy.”
Mattie couldn’t speak. She hurt for him. Snuggling closer, she set her hand against his chest, where his heart pounded out of control.
“I spent fourteen hours in that room with that son of a bitch.”
Tears burned her eyes. She could feel the sweat slicking his skin. The hammering of his heart. The tremors ripping through his body. To see such a strong man in the throes of a panic attack broke her heart. She wanted to stop the memories from torturing him, but didn’t know how. The best she could do was hold him and hope he could take comfort in her closeness.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” she said.
“I won’t lie to you, Mattie. It was…bad. Those hours were like death. They were worse than death. In the end I prayed for death.” He looked away, gathered himself, then met her gaze. “That’s why I don’t want you anywhere near The Jaguar.”
“Cutter, he needs to be stopped. He’s a maniac—”
“I’ll get him.”
“And let this opportunity slip by?”
His lips tightened, but he said nothing.
“I’m your ace in the hole.” Mattie tapped her finger against her temple. “He wants what I have in my head. The next phase for the EDNA Project. You put me on a hook and he’s going to bite.”
“And take a piece of you.”
“Not if we don’t let him.”
“Two years ago I thought I had a safety net. I thought the agency would look out for me. Well, guess what, Mattie? They didn’t get there in time.”
“I know you can keep me safe.”
“When it comes to The Jaguar, safety is an illusion.”
“You’d rather I go to prison?”
“Until I can find what I need to exonerate you.”
“What if you don’t find it, Cutter?”
“Look, I’m not saying this is going to be easy.”
“I’m not willing to risk spending the rest of my life in jail for something I didn’t do!”