“Use me as bait.”
“No.” The single word was out of his mouth before he could stop it. A decision made on emotion, something he’d only done once before in his life. It was ironic as hell the only other time he’d acted on emotion alone, it had been with regard to this woman.
“It worked six years ago, why wouldn’t it work now?” she asked.
“Things were different six years ago.”
“You still want Ian Rasmussen. He still wants me. I don’t see that things have changed that much.”
Except I can’t bear the thought of your getting hurt. He banked the thought before he could voice it. “He wants to hurt you, Leigh.”
“He hurt me six years ago and that didn’t stop you.”
Jake wasn’t proud of the way things had gone down six years ago. He felt sick with guilt every time he thought of what he’d put her through. He swore he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice.
“I’m sorry you got hurt.”
“Sorry isn’t going to keep us alive.”
Needing to look into her eyes, to make her understand, he grasped her shoulders and gently turned her to face him. He’d almost forgotten that she’d removed her shirt. But she was clutching the blanket to her breast as if it were a lifeline.
“Six years ago it was all about the job,” he said. “It was about me getting my suspect. Good against evil. Black and white. You were with him. I thought you were like him.” Looking into her eyes, he couldn’t imagine how he’d ever believed that about her. “Then, when I was assigned to protect you, when we were together in that safe house for five days—” he looked away, then forced his gaze back to hers “—when I got to know you, everything changed.”
Her eyes searched his. Tears shimmered in their depths, but she didn’t let them spill. If only she would open up to him, believe him. Forgive him.
“You slept with me,” she said. “Then you sent me back to Rasmussen. You knew what I’d have to do, but you didn’t care.”
“That’s not true,” Jake shot back. “I didn’t mean for things to get complicated between us.”
She blinked back tears. “I had to sleep with him.” A sob escaped her. “It’s the worst thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.”
Jake felt the words like a punch to the solar plexus. He’d spent six unbearable years wondering what had gone down that night.
The harsh reality of what she’d had to do—of what he was partially responsible for—hurt far more than he ever could have imagined.
Chapter Ten
Leigh had never forgiven Jake. She’d given him her body, her heart. She’d fallen in love with him. In turn he’d hurt her so deeply that she’d thought she’d never recover.
But he wasn’t the only one at fault. She’d found out about the plan from another agent, who’d told her the sting had been Jake’s idea. She hadn’t given Jake the chance to change his mind. She’d told herself then she’d gone along with the plan because she’d known it was the only way to stop Rasmussen. But as time passed, she’d finally admitted to herself that a part of her had also wanted to hurt Jake because he’d been the one to devise the plan. So was it really fair to continue to hold that against him?
“By the time I found out Cutter was going to go through with the plan, you were already wired and on your way to Rasmussen’s penthouse,” Jake said.
He grasped her arms and forced her gaze to his. “I tried to stop it, Leigh, but Cutter wouldn’t pull you in.” He sighed. “We came to blows over it. Two agents had to pull me off. I came within an inch of losing my job with the agency.”
“Jake, I’d never felt so…used. So alone in my entire life.”
He could only imagine how terrifying it must have been for her being alone with a killer. The wire the agency had used was the size of a safety pin and hidden in an earring. But if Rasmussen had found out what she was doing, he would have killed her before an agent could have gotten in to save her.
“You were in that penthouse for five hours.” He’d been wild with fear for her safety for every second of those torturously long five hours.
“It seemed like forever,” she said.
He ran his hands up and down her arms. “Cutter had put me on administrative leave. I didn’t know where you were. I couldn’t listen in, and I was insane with worry.” His gaze went to hers. “And sick with guilt.”
Even now the thought of her being with the international arms dealer filled him with a rage so black he could barely contain it. “I’m sorry you had to go through that,” he said. “I’m sorry I hurt you. But I can tell you, Leigh, it nearly killed me knowing you were with him. That you’d risked your life.”
That they were facing the same thing now filled him with dread.
“I’m not going to let you do it again,” he whispered.
“It’s not your decision to make.”
“It’s my decision as long as I’m breathing.”