Wrong. Wrong. Blackness. Dying. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
The man leaned closer, right into her face, so she could see him clearly. As her heart ceased to beat, in that space between the end of the pumping and the connection to her brain that told her she was done, she heard the words. Whispered, as if on a breeze.
“Hello, Mom.”
CHAPTER 41
Daisy came from blackness. She was crying. Inconsolable, hysterical. The nurse summoned Tom, who rolled in, bleary-eyed, and tried to make sense of Daisy’s ramblings.
Which pissed her off. She was making perfect sense in her head, but no one could understand her.
Josh is alive. Josh is here. He came to visit. He stood over my bed and stroked the hair back off of my face. Why can’t you understand me?
“Blum, gargh, ssssive.”
“What’s going on? Is she having a stroke?” Tom was shouting; he was so loud, so loud.
And that’s when everything inside broke.
She felt it, a tearing in her chest. Like something pulled away from its proper spot. She said, “Oh!”
“Daisy, my God, Daisy. What’s wrong?” She saw the panic in Tom’s eyes. The nurse was struggling to pull him away.
“Daisy, are you in pain?”
But Daisy couldn’t answer. The pain was too intense, too strong. Too . . . too . . .
The sirens were going off, clarion loud. A mechanical voice rang in her ears.
“Code Blue, Code Blue, room 566, Code Blue.”
The pressure hurt. She was smashed, run flat, the air leaking out of her.
She couldn’t see. It was fuzzy and dark.
Screaming. Her chest was on fire. No breath, couldn’t get any air.
Hands, everywhere.
“Intubate.”
“Charging to two hundred.”
“Clear! Everyone clear!”
Her body leaped into the air and landed back, hard.
“We got her back, we got her back.”
“Wait, wait, wait, wait, not yet, not yet. She’s still in V-tach. We’re going to have to shock her again.”
“Get the epi.”
“Shit, we’re losing her. Come on, hurry, hurry.”
The pain stopped.
Daisy drifted now, in and out. She felt so light, so free. She looked down on her body. There were eight people surrounding her, shocking and pumping and sticking needles into her veins, pumping air into her lungs. Frantically trying to save her life. She almost wanted to sneer, See? I told you something was wrong. But she didn’t feel any of it. Just floating, like she’d done earlier, when the nice doctor had listened, actually listened to her. He was the first person in ages who had. He’d known Josh, known he was a good boy. And now she could go to God, unburdened, free. She could go . . .
She couldn’t go yet.
She forced herself back into her body, to feel the sticks and thumping and pain.
It was an agreement she had with herself. A deal. A deal she’d made with the devil. She couldn’t go without telling the truth. To someone. To anyone. Whether they believed her or not.
“Son,” she croaked.
“What’s she saying?”
“She’s asking for her son.”
She couldn’t shake her head. The damnable device was screwed into her skull so she couldn’t. She tried again.
“Sonssssss.”
“Sons? Are you saying you want to see your sons?”
She managed to get her eyes open, blinked twice, for yes. Tom was hovering nearby, his face coated in tears.
“She’s only got the one. Had the one, I mean,” he said.
Daisy blinked fast, hard. Tom edged closer. “Daisy, what are you saying?”
“Sons. I. Have. Two. Sons.” She grunted out the words, hard and fast, with no doubt left as to what she was saying.
And then, her truth told, her conscience clear, she let herself slide away, into the black. It wouldn’t matter now. It wouldn’t ever matter again.
Dear Josh, I am back on my feet.
I may have worried you in the past few months of letters, and for that, I am truly sorry. I wasn’t really as serious about it as everyone thought. And last week was an accident, really. I slipped. I had too much to drink, and too many pills, and not enough to eat. I have gotten rather skinny; all the running has shaved off most of my body fat. No more curves. But if you come back, I promise I will put on weight.
I really thought I’d gotten past this. But I feel you everywhere, and see you everywhere. You lurk on the street corners, wait for me as I leave school, haunt my runs. And the tree, I see you in the tree. I know you’re out there somewhere. I know it.
I just want to be with you. That’s all I was trying to do.
Always,
Aubrey
CHAPTER 42
Aubrey
Today
Aubrey was attempting to pull herself together when her cell phone rang. She recognized Tom’s number and answered, trying to keep the terrible knowledge she’d learned from her voice.
But Tom was crying, too. “Aubrey, you need to come. Daisy’s in a coma. She had a massive cardiac arrest. I don’t know if she’s going to make it. We’re back in the intensive care unit.”