It might have ended there, but something about the heat and her state of irritated exhaustion had gotten to her through and through, and she snapped at Keith again as he got into the van.
"Keith! Damn it, get in and get your seat belt on. You've been dawdling for five minutes now."
Keith hurried into his place in the back seat, snapped on his seat belt and stared at her with hurt eyes.
Although the boys had been fighting like cats and dogs, now they joined together against a common enemy: her. Three pairs of green eyes stared at her with silent reproach; all three sets of little lips were compressed in hostile silence.
Bryn didn't say anything then, but as she walked around to climb into the driver's seat, guilt overwhelmed her. As soon as she turned the key in the ignition, she twisted around to face Keith with a grimace.
"Sorry, Keith.I've had a bad day." That was no excuse, she reminded herself.Especially for the "damn."
If she said it, the kids said it.
He gave her a half smile, and she sighed. "How did swimming go today, Adam?"
"Don't like it!" Adam, at her side, replied, scrunching up his little nose. "Mr. Beacon tried to drown me!"
"He isn't trying to drownyou, he's trying to make you learn. Keith, what did you get on your spelling test?"
Keith started to answer her, and she listened to him ramble on for a while, not hearing him. Suddenly she did hear something: the dead silence in the van.
At the next red light she stared around at their faces. They were all looking at her reproachfully again.
"What's the matter with you, Aunt Bryn?" Brian, the spokesman for the group, asked.
"Nothing, nothing," she replied quickly. Someone was beeping at her; she was ignoring the turn light.
"Damn!" she muttered, but this time the oath was beneath her breath. "Aunt Bryn..." Brian persisted.
"Really, guys, nothing is wrong.Nothing at all.Just that stupid red-skinned tom-tom player.""Red-skinned tom-tom player?"
"Oh, God!"Bryn groaned. What had she said?And in front of the kids..."No one, honey. Please, pretend Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html
I never said that." They were all looking at her; she sensed it. "Really-- please, I was being horrible, and I didn't mean what I said. I was just angry and frustrated, so I was searching for anything to say to bemean
. Do you understand?"
"Of course," Brian said. "Daddy always said not to say anything at all if you couldn't say something nice.
Is that it?"
"Sort of," Bryn murmured uneasily. "But it's a little deeper than that. You don't need to...to..." She paused, wishing she had thought before she had spoken. "You don't ever need to attack someone for what he is just because he's made you angry-"
"I see," Brian agreed sagely, nodding. "You shouldn't have said that a man was a stupid red-skinned tom-tom player because you were mad."
"Right," Bryn said.
"What's a red-skinned tom-tom player?" Keith asked.
"The American Indians were called 'redskins' by the early settlers," Brian educated him. "Don't you ever watch 'RinTin Tin' on TV?" he asked with impatience.
Bryn wanted to crawl under her seat. What would Jeff-- with his absolute impatience for intolerance of any kind--think of her, or the way she was raising his children now?
"Brian!" she said sharply, ashamed of herself, yet hoping to make a point. "You're watching too much television. Keith--"
"Is it wrong to be an Indian tom-tom player?" Keith interrupted innocently.
"No!" Bryn gasped out. "Oh, please! Let's forget this. Stick with the 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.' I was wrong, very wrong, and I didn't mean what I said." Quickly she continued.
"I...uh...Fm working on a videotape--''
"Oh, wow!" Keith said. "You mean like on MTV?"
"Yeah, like onMT--"
"Wow!" Brian leaned up as far as he could.
"For who, Aunt Bryn?"
"Lee Condor."
"Wow!" Even Adam echoed their excitement.
Brian turned to Keith. "Mrs. Lowe told us to watch his last video if we wanted to see the Middle Ages recreated perfectly!"
"Perfectly," Adam imitated his older brother. "Perfect," Bryn muttered. "Everything's just perfect!" It was almostseven o'clockbefore she made it home, and almost nine before she had the kids fed, bathed and in bed.
Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html
Then she had to spend another hour in the darkroom. She had done a wildlife layout for a Tahoe tour folder, and only after having chosen five shots from the proofs had they decided on a different set of animals. But the folder could lead to more work in the future, so she didn't want to take a chance on quibbling with the nervous exec from the ad company.
At least, when she finally got to bed, she wasn't haunted by dreams, or by visions of strange dark and golden eyes. She fell into an exhausted slumber the minute her head touched her pillow.