The dark-haired woman was young and fairly attractive in jeans and a camel jacket. She didn’t appear to be hurt, just livid. She pointed with urgency in our direction as she continued screeching. Looking both ways up and down Brannan, she caught a break in traffic and started running across the street.
“Jeez,” Robin muttered, glancing around. “She’s ready to kill someone.”
I looked around for the target of her wrath and noticed a heavyset woman dressed in black pants, black trench coat, head scarf, and dark glasses, standing in front of my building. Was the other woman yelling at her?
As the screaming woman from across the street got closer, the trench-coated woman took off running up the block and disappeared around the corner.
What was that all about? She looked vaguely familiar, but I didn’t have time to worry, because at that moment, the screaming woman rushed onto the sidewalk, stormed right up to Robin, and punched her in the face.
I gasped and tried to grab hold of the woman, but she knocked Robin down to the sidewalk, then jumped on top of her. It was surreal. She was pummeling Robin, slapping and beating her in the head and face as she babbled and cried in some foreign language.
Robin yelled back as she swatted at her attacker, trying to push her away while also trying to protect her face. I managed to grab the woman by one shoulder and arm and yank her back, so she turned and slapped me. Robin got to her knees and grabbed hold of the crazed woman by both arms so she couldn’t swing out and hit either of us. Robin struggled to a standing position, yanking the woman up with her and away from striking distance.
“You keel him, you beech!” the woman screamed in English as she wiggled and squirmed to get away. “You keeller! You keel Alexei!”
“What the hell?” Robin cried, struggling to keep a grip on both her arms. “I didn’t kill him!”
The woman slammed her foot down on Robin’s, causing Robin to release the wildcat and swear loudly as she hopped around.
Crazy Lady was stretching her arm back to slug Robin again when I grabbed hold of that arm and clutched it tightly in mine. Robin snatched her other arm, and between the two of us we got her under control for the moment.
She kept repeating something in her language. It sounded like, “Date-eh it-eh om you! Date-eh it-eh om you!” Something like that. It was hard to understand, since she was belting it out at the top of her lungs.
“Can you hold her?” I yelled, and reached onehanded into my purse for my phone. “I’m calling the police.”
“Hurry.”
“Nooo!” the woman screeched, and ripped one arm away from Robin’s grip. “Keeller!”
“Jesus, shut up!” Robin shouted.
True to California life, people were staring at us, but not stopping. Heck, in this neighborhood they probably thought we were doing a street performance.
She whipped her arm away from my grasp and turned to slug Robin again. I came from behind and shoved my knees into the backs of her legs, causing her knees to buckle. Robin pushed her down to the ground and sat on her back, straddling her so she couldn’t escape. But she bucked and rolled, making it look like Robin was riding one of those mechanical bulls.
“Call the police!” Robin shouted.
“Already got them,” I said, and rattled off my address to the 911 dispatcher.
The crazy cow kept trying to buck Robin off her. She tried swinging her arms around to smack Robin, but it was useless.
I noticed Robin’s eye was beginning to swell badly. Her strength was ebbing.
I heard sirens. “Police are on their way.”
That news caused the woman to bellow and rear up again, so I sank down and sat on her legs to keep her from kicking. Together Robin and I managed to hold her down.
But the woman wasn’t finished. She swung her elbow back and connected with Robin’s thigh. Robin howled in pain but didn’t give an inch.
Robin was usually the nicest human being on the face of the planet, but she’d had a hard week and wasn’t willing to be pushed anymore. She grabbed a thick clump of the woman’s hair and yanked at it. “Chill out or die, bitch.”
Over an hour later, Robin lay on my living room couch, her left eye swollen closed and most of her cheek dark red and bruised. She was holding a bag of frozen peas to her face and whimpering only a little. I knew I had bruises, too, but nothing compared to Robin’s. Her face would turn black and blue and purple over the next twenty-four hours, and it wasn’t going to be pretty for a week or so.
I walked to the kitchen sink and filled a plastic bag with ice and wrapped it in a soft cloth. When I laid it on the other side of her poor face she grimaced, then whispered, “It’s too cold.”
“That’s why we call it ice.”
“Funny,” Robin murmured.
“We want the swelling to go down, sweetie,” I said softly. “I’m so sorry it hurts.”
“Me, too.”
“We’ll only leave it on for about ten minutes at a time.”
She gave a determined nod. “I can take it for ten minutes.”
“We shouldn’t have gone outside,” I lamented. “You wouldn’t be hurt if I hadn’t insisted on getting out of here for a while.”
“Who knew she was watching the place? Freakazoid.” She groaned. “Hurts to talk.”