‘She could have been the love of my life.’
‘Regret can be a terrible thing.’
‘Exactly, Kate. That’s why I now adopt the direct approach.’
‘Nothing wrong with being direct, as long as no one gets hurt.’
‘Kate, what you do, your job, I mean …’
‘What about it?’
‘Does it ever mess with your head?’
He’s back talking work, she thought. ‘Sometimes.’
‘In what way?’
She let out a deep sigh. ‘I don’t know. I guess I look at people who are messed up, and I wish I could turn back the clock, bring them back to the beginning.’
‘Some people are born evil, Kate. It’s in their DNA.’
‘I’m not sure about that. There are genetic influences, for sure, but it’s like that experiment we were talking about earlier, the Tronick one.’
‘The one with the mother’s still face.’
‘The mother stripped herself of emotion, and the baby reacted within seconds, but do you know what the most frightening and upsetting part is?’
‘What?’
‘Not so much how upset the baby got, although that was tough. It was how the baby, even at twelve months old, turned its face and body away from the mother’s. It withdrew; a few minutes of apathy, and the baby’s life fundamentally changed.’
‘But it was all right when the mother interacted again.’
‘You asked me if my job ever messed with my head.’ She swallowed a large gulp of cognac, feeling the kick in her throat. ‘When I think about babies, young children, when I see the aftermath of messed-up, abusive domestic situations, or wonder what would have happened to that baby in the video if the mother had held that still face for longer, and ignored the child’s emotional needs on a systematic basis or, even worse, inflicted pain, emotional and/or physical, I think about the life that could have been. I also think about the aftermath, and the amount of pain that will ensue.’
‘You believe that’s what happened to the killer of Rick and Pierre?’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘It’s too late for her, Kate. You do know that?’
‘As I said, often there is no turning back the clock.’ Again she looked around the cellar, taking in the faces of people at ease with themselves and their company. ‘Adam, our killer is damaged. She could potentially be the most dangerous person either of us has encountered.’
‘And you, Kate, what about your childhood?’
‘What about it?’
‘That thing you mentioned to me before – when you were twelve and you got separated from your friends and were attacked by that stranger.’
‘I got away, didn’t I? I wasn’t hurt.’
‘But it left its scars.’
‘I know it did.’ Another pause. ‘Do you know the worst thing about it all?’
‘Tell me.’ His voice was gentle.
‘I can’t remember his face.’
‘Is that not a good thing?’
‘You said I was attacked by a stranger.’ She took a deep breath. ‘What if he wasn’t a stranger? What if my mind played tricks on me? What if, in reality, I knew him, had always known him? He could even have been someone close to me. I could have blocked the memory out. It would explain why I can never recall his face. Yet I remember so many other details.’
‘You would know.’
‘No, I wouldn’t. The mind is capable of a great many things. It can trick you into believing whatever it wants to, especially if it needs to protect you.’
‘I wish I could turn back the clock for you, Kate.’
‘I don’t.’ She swirled the cognac in the glass. ‘The thing that happened to me, and all the other stuff along the way, has made me the person I am.’
‘You mean the bad stuff can make you stronger?’
‘I don’t know about stronger, but it forms part of who you are, and who you will become.’
‘Earlier on …’ he hesitated ‘… why did you get embarrassed when I complimented you?’
‘I guess I’m no longer used to getting compliments about how I look.’
‘It’s not about your makeup or your dress, or any of that. I thought the same thing when we met at Reception earlier, before we went to the H?tel du Maurier.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I was caught unawares. It was like I was meeting you for the first time, and somehow I knew you would be part of my life.’ He laid his hand on her bare arm.
‘I don’t know if this is the right time.’ She stared back at him.
‘There’s never a right time.’
‘It’s not just Charlie, it’s me too. Things are still raw with Declan.’
‘Do you still love him?’ He took his hand away.
‘No, it’s not that, but it’s taken me a while to accept things. You don’t spend so long with someone, start a family together and do all the things we did without …’
‘Without what?’
‘Without beginning to doubt yourself, and your feelings, how one day you can be head over heels about someone and then it all changes. It gets harder to take that leap.’
‘You know as well as anyone that there are never any guarantees.’
Another silence.
‘Kate?’
‘Yes?’
‘Do you trust me?’