I could stay with Lori for a while, but I remember how odd she was earlier, and I’m not sure about Alice either: Think, Sandra, has Alice given you any real reason to doubt her, other than her off-handedness and Lori’s accusations? I can’t risk it. Nor can I go to Karen’s, her husband would be bound to tell Edgar.
It takes me a while to work things out, but finally I ring Edgar’s mobile again. When it goes to voicemail, I leave a message. I tell him I’m going away for a couple of days. That I’ve been thinking about things and, considering everything, it’ll do us both the world of good to have a break, and that he isn’t to worry. I can’t afford for him to come after me.
I pack enough clothes to keep me going for a couple of nights, checking that I have my passport and credit cards. I have no intention of using the cards to do anything other than withdraw money from cash machines. I can take out enough to pay the hotel bill, and use the passport as identification. Our cards are on a joint account, and I can’t take the risk that the credit-card company would share the information with Edgar. I check I have my mobile and diary. The last thing I put in my overnight bag is a kitchen knife. I have no intention of using it, but I feel better having it with me.
Driving away from the house, I realise I’ve put no thought into which hotel I will stay in – certainly not the one on the note. Part of what I said to Edgar in the phone message is true. Time alone is exactly what I need: time to work out who this woman is, and what she really wants.
I ring each of the girls. Edgar is bound to phone them. I need to make sure they’re all saying the same thing. Afterwards, I think again about Alice being distant, Lori acting strange, and Karen’s gushiness during the last call, almost as if she, too, has something to hide. For the first time since this whole sorry mess began, I ask myself the question I should have asked from the beginning. How much of this is my own fault? Hadn’t Edgar only wanted what any other heterosexual male would want? Hadn’t I been the one to deny him?
I could cope with an affair. But there is more to this. I know it as sure as I know she’s been watching my every move. She wants more from Edgar than sex. She wants my life.
DUBLIN AIRPORT
KATE REACHED DUBLIN airport with less than an hour to the flight take-off time. There was no way she could avoid it being tight, her plans having to be put in place so quickly. It hadn’t been as bad as she had feared talking to Declan, the two of them resigned to the inevitable, and in a strange way, that morning, she felt as if she was starting afresh, a new beginning of sorts.
Charlie had been delighted with the unexpected change of arrangements, and his obvious relief at seeing his parents getting on together, instead of the usual strained conversations he witnessed, caused her another pang of guilt.
When she finally got through to the departure lounge, Adam was leaning with his back to the windows at gate twenty-six. Spotting her, he unfolded his arms and waved.
‘They didn’t arrest you, then?’ were his first words.
‘Not quite, although if looks could kill for cutting it close to the wire, I’d be on Death Row by now.’
‘We still have another five minutes before boarding. We can grab a coffee over there.’ He pointed to the coffee dock opposite.
She looked at the queue already forming at the boarding gate.
‘Never mind that,’ he said. ‘We’ve been allocated seats.’ Then he glanced at her small suitcase. ‘And we’re travelling light. I hate bloody queues.’
She was glad of the coffee, knowing they would talk about the investigation on the flight, welcoming a few minutes to settle and gather her thoughts.
‘No problem getting Charlie minded, then?’ he asked.
‘I think he was happy to get rid of me.’ For the first time in ages, she really smiled.
‘I know that feeling.’ His response was somewhat downbeat.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to …’
He put up a hand to stop her. ‘It’s okay. You don’t have to walk on eggshells with me.’
‘I know that.’ She blew on her coffee. ‘How are things between you and your son?’
He shrugged his shoulders. ‘So-so.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘It beats the hell out of shit, that’s what it means.’ He turned to the departure gate – the crowd at their gate was dispersing. ‘Come on,’ he said. ‘We’d better go.’
After a final check of the passports, they walked in silence through the tunnel to the aircraft door. Their next conversation would be about work, safer ground for both of them.
The flight to Charles de Gaulle airport was under-booked, so there were only the two of them in a row for three. Kate took the seat at the window, and Adam the one beside her. She sensed he was still tetchy after their brief conversation about his son. He surprised her when, during the safety demonstration, he said, ‘I envy you, Kate, the relationship you have with Charlie.’