One of the most difficult aspects of a long-term investigation—especially a case in which someone’s life is in jeopardy—is knowing when to call it a night. I know it’s a self-defeating mind-set; everyone needs sleep. But I invariably feel as if I’m turning my back on the victim when I go home. The truth of the matter is, I don’t know how to stop being a cop. How can I go home to eat or sleep or sit on my sofa and watch TV when a young girl is depending on me to find her?
The answer is a simple matter of human endurance. No one can work around the clock indefinitely. If people try, there will come a point when they’ll become ineffective, or, worse, a detriment to the investigation. They reach a point where exhaustion and emotions cloud the decision-making process, reaction time, and good old-fashioned common sense. I’m loathe to admit it, but I’ve been there. I’m not the least bit proud of the way I handled some aspects of cases past. The only positive gleaned is that I learned my limits.
It’s nearly 1:00 A.M. when I unlock the door of my house and step inside. The aromas of stale air and the overripe bananas I left on the kitchen counter greet me.
Flipping on the light, I carry my overnight bag to the bedroom and drop it on the floor outside my closet. Physical exhaustion presses into me as I peel off my clothes and toss them into the hamper. But while my body is crying for sleep, my mind is wound tight, and I know sleep will not come easily.
In the bathroom, I crank the water as hot as I can stand it and step under the spray. I soap up twice, knowing I’m trying to wash away more than just the dirt of the day. I haven’t let myself think of Sadie in emotional terms. I haven’t let myself think about how this could turn out or what she might be going through at this very moment.
Now that I’m alone with my thoughts, all of those gnarly beasts come calling. I can’t help but compare Sadie’s disappearance to the murder of Annie King. The possibility that the outcome will be the same terrifies me. Another young life snuffed out long before its time. Another family shattered. And all I can think is that I can’t let that happen.
In the bedroom, I pull on an old T-shirt from my Academy days and a pair of sweatpants. Padding barefoot to my office, I flip on my computer. While it boots, I pull out my Rand McNally road atlas and turn to a map of northern Ohio. Tearing out two pages, I take both to the bulletin board I keep on the wall adjacent to the desk and pin them up side by side. With a black marker, I circle the location of each disappearance. Monongahela Falls. Sharon, Pennsylvania. Rocky Fork. Buck Creek. Painters Mill. I draw a larger circle encompassing all the towns.
Leaning over my desk, I open the pencil drawer and pull out a red Sharpie, snap off the lid, and go over to the map. I circle Buck Creek, where Stacy Karns, Gideon Stoltzfus, and Justin Treece are located. I circle Salt Lick, where Frank Gilfillan and the Twelve Passages Church are located. I draw a larger circle to encompass each location and go back to my desk.
I stare at the map. The two large circles overlap each other and include much of the same area. All of the towns, the locations of the victims and suspects, are roughly within a one-hundred-mile radius. In rural terms, that’s less than a two-hour drive. Chances are, the killer resides somewhere within that circle.
“Why do you do it?” I whisper.
I turn to the whiteboard and write, Why? with a double underscore. Then “No ransom demand. Sexual in nature? Fetish related?” I think of Annie and Sadie and write, “Vulnerable? Runaways?” Then I add, “Blood found at scenes.”
“Where are they?” I’m thinking aloud now, letting my mind run with random thoughts and undeveloped theories. “Why did we find Annie King’s body and not the bodies of the others?”
I divide the board in half with a bold line. Below the delineation, I write, “Suspects: Stacy Karns, Frank Gilfillan, Gideon Stoltzfus, Justin Treece.” Finally, I write, “Unknown perpetrator.”
“We don’t know you yet,” I say.
I circle “Unknown perpetrator.” Next to it, I write, “Motive?” And then add, “Why?”
“Why do you take them?” I say aloud.
And I know that once we know why, we will find the who.
*
The sound of pounding drags me from a deep and dreamless sleep. A hard rush of adrenaline sends me bolt upright. For an instant, I’m disoriented, uncertain about the source of the noise. Then I realize someone’s at the door. My mind registers that the doorbell didn’t ring. Back door, I think, and something else niggles at my brain. A glance at the alarm clock on my night table reminds me that 3:00 A.M. visitors are almost always the bearers of bad news.
Jerking the robe from the chair next to my bed, I work it over my shoulders and tighten the belt. I open the top drawer of the night table and snag my .38, cock it. Holding the weapon low at my side, I pad silently to the kitchen, sidle to the back door, and peer through the curtains.
John Tomasetti stands on the porch with his hands in his pockets, looking out over the backyard as if his being here in the middle of the night is the most natural thing in the world.