Never go beyond the wall.
But no gang of men or hungry wolf den beyond the wall could be worse than the fate I faced locked within it. In the wild there would be choice—however dangerous, however frightening. I would decide what I wanted to eat, where I wanted to go. The sun would still warm my skin.
Maybe I could get out the gate, like Arden had. Wait until morning, when the last shipment of supplies came in for the celebration. A window would be harder. The one by the library was close to the wall, but it was a fifty-foot drop and I would need rope, a plan, some way to lower myself down.
Inside, I crept toward the narrow, dimly lit staircase, careful not to make a sound. It would be impossible for me to save everyone. But I had to get to my bedroom and wake Pip. Maybe we could bring Ruby, too. There wouldn’t be much time to explain, but we’d pack a bag with some clothes and figs and the gold-wrapped candies Pip loved. We’d leave tonight, forever. There would be no looking back.
I bounded up to the second floor and down the hall, past room after room of girls tucked neatly into their beds. Through a doorway I could see Violet curled up, smiling in her sleep, oblivious to what awaited her the next day. I was steps from my bedroom when the hallway glowed with an eerie light.
“Who’s there?” a gravelly voice asked.
I turned slowly, the blood cooling in my veins. Teacher Florence stood at the end of the hall, holding a kerosene lantern. It threw black, looming shadows on the wall behind her.
“I was only . . .” I trailed off. The lake water was dripping from the hem of my skirt, forming a puddle around my feet.
Teacher Florence came toward me, her sun-spotted face grimacing in displeasure. “You went across the lake,” she said. “You saw the Graduates.”
I nodded, thinking again of Sophia in her hospital bed, how her eyes retreated into the blue-ringed hollows of her face. The bruising on her wrists and ankles, where she pulled against the leather straps. The pressure was building inside me, like a kettle just before the boil. I wanted to scream. To jolt everyone upright in bed. To grab this frail woman by the shoulders and bury my fingers into her arms until she understood the pain that I understood then, the panic and confusion. The betrayal.
But all those years of quietly sitting, my hands folded neatly in my lap, of listening and speaking only when spoken to, kept me in practiced obedience. What if I yelled now, into the silent night? There was nothing I could say that would convince the other girls. They would never believe the trades were a lie. They’d think I’d gone mad. Eve, the girl who broke under the stress of graduation. Eve, the lunatic who ranted about pregnant Graduates. Pregnant Graduates! They’d laugh. I’d be sent to that building a day earlier than everyone else, forced into permanent silence.
“I’m sorry,” I offered, “I was just . . .” The tears slipped from my eyes.
Teacher Florence took the palm of my hand in hers, tracing the creases where blood had pooled and dried. “I can’t let you leave the compound like this.” Her stiff white hair grazed my chin as she examined the punctured skin.
“I know, I’m sorry. I’ll go back to bed and—”
“No,” she said calmly. When she looked up her eyes were glassy. “Like this.” She pulled a handkerchief from the pocket of her nightgown and wrapped it around my hand. “I can help you, but we’ll need to clean you up. Quickly. If Headmistress finds out, she’ll punish us both. Go get your things and meet me downstairs.”
I would’ve hugged her then, but she nudged me toward my door. I was taking off into my bedroom, preparing to get Pip and Ruby, when Teacher called after me, her voice still a whisper.
“Eve, you’ll go alone—you mustn’t disturb anyone else.” I started to protest, but she was firm. “It’s the only way,” she said solemnly, and then she was halfway down the corridor, the lantern swinging in her hand.
I moved around my room in the dark, noiselessly packing up the only knapsack I owned. Pip lay motionless in the bed. You’ll go alone, Teacher’s directive rang in my ears. But I’d spent a lifetime doing what I was told, only to be deceived. I could wake Pip and beg Teacher to help us both. But what if Pip didn’t believe me? What if she woke the others? And what if Teacher said she couldn’t help both of us, that two of us would never make it out together unnoticed? Then it would be over for us both. Forever.