My whole life had been spent in the confines of the School’s walls—eating when I was told, drinking when I was told, swallowing the slick blue pills that rocked my stomach. What was one night outside? Couldn’t I allow myself that?
“What if I still want to go?”
“Then you’ll go,” he said. “But I wanted you to know the danger.”
“There’s always danger.” His green eyes met mine.
I was starting to see it, how it could happen—Caleb and me. Out in the wild there was no thinking, only Califia ahead of us, the swift travel that consumed the days. But underground, teaching the boys in Benny’s room, leaning against the mud wall at night, after Arden had fallen asleep, I imagined staying here. I needed more time. With Caleb, with the younger boys. A stretch of weeks or months didn’t feel like enough . . . I wanted more. And what if it did work out, what if it could? What then?
We could live together here—it was possible. At least until Moss had assembled enough rebels to combat the King’s troops. At least until I could retrieve Pip. It would be dangerous, but we’d be careful to remain hidden. Caleb and I could build a life, however small. A life together.
“Just stay close to me and if anything happens we’ll break off from the group.” His gaze traced the lines of my mouth, his eyes finally settling on mine. His breath filled my ears and I smelled the charcoal again as I leaned closer. He was just inches away, those pale green eyes still looking at me, watching. I couldn’t stop myself. I pressed my mouth to his. A warmth spread through my body and into my fingers as we moved into one another, his lips giving way.
In an instant, I realized what I’d done. I pulled back, my hand breaking free of his to rest on my forehead. “I’m sorry, I just—” But he pulled me closer. I rested my forehead lightly on his cheek. His fingers worked their way down my head, threading my thick brown hair between them, until they settled in the tender hollow behind my neck.
“Don’t be sorry,” he said. He held me in the dim cave. I wrapped my hands around his back and gripped his sides. We didn’t move until the sound of voices echoed down the tunnel, calling out for the raid.
Chapter Nineteen
I HELD ONTO CALEB, LETTING MYSELF RELAX INTO THE musty cushion of his jacket. Arden clutched my shoulders as we rode through the thick wood, the trees just visible through scattered starlight. She’d questioned me before we’d set off, noting the sudden pink wash over my cheeks, the way I kept bringing my fingers to my lips, touching them to confirm they were still there. She’d laughed when I’d eagerly jumped on the horse, settling into the middle spot, where my head nestled into Caleb’s back. Anyone could see that things between us had changed. But I kept the news close to my chest anyway, wanting it to exist a little longer, just mine, to have and to wonder over.
In front of us, Leif steered his horses around boulders and in between fallen tree branches on the way to the southern outpost. The horses pounded the dirt, their hooves keeping a steady beat. We made our way around the rocky shore of the lake, its slick, inky surface mirroring the moon. “It’s only a little farther,” Caleb whispered. A hawk swooped down in front of us, cutting a path across the sky.
A gun fired miles off, echoing through the mountains. Arden pulled me tighter, her fingers digging into my skin. Ahead, Leif turned his horse into a patch of overgrown grass. Six other horses followed, black silhouettes, carrying the older boys and the four new Hunters. Silas, Benny, and the younger boys had remained in the dugout, sleeping soundly with the morning’s promise of chocolate bars and sucking candies.
Leif glanced around, his face half in shadow. “The outpost is a hundred yards ahead,” he whispered. “If anything happens, do not use force, no matter what.”
“If anything happens?” I repeated, whispering into Caleb’s ear. “What does he mean?”
“It’s only a precaution,” Caleb said. I could feel his heartbeat as I rested on his back. “Killing a New American soldier, even in self-defense, is an offense punishable by death.” He brought the horse into a slow trot. “An incident happened at another outpost a year back. The King retaliated by executing an escaped orphan.” I winced, imagining a young boy, alone and afraid, coming up against the King’s troops.
We left the horses in the clearing, their necks bent as they chewed on grass. Caleb took my hand in his own and that familiar warmth returned. I’m okay, we’re okay, everything’s okay. The repetition calmed me. Beyond the trees I could make out a converted house, its facade barely visible in the moonlight that slipped between the branches. The windows were boarded up with corrugated tin, and the metal front door was chained and padlocked. Leif canvassed the building and appeared on the other side. “All clear.” He nodded to Caleb.
The boys started up the wraparound porch. Michael pried at the windows with his knife, wedging it under an old shingle. Kevin picked at the padlock but couldn’t unlock it.