Without a word, the cop spun and lumbered away. Slamming the cruiser into gear, he whipped it around, almost clipping the van’s bumper, and fishtailed out of the Family Dollar lot, tires smoking and siren shrieking.
Satterfield took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, then bent forward and rested his head on the steering wheel. After three more such breaths, he straightened up. Lifting the hinged lid of the console, he took out a pack of unfiltered Camels and a lighter. With shaking hands he tapped out a cigarette and lit it, taking a deep drag and holding it, forcing the nicotine into his bloodstream as he replaced the pack and the lighter and closed the lid. Then, expelling a tight plume of smoke, he turned his right palm upward on the console. “You stupid piece of shit,” he whispered, in a voice that he hadn’t heard in years.
The flesh hissed and smoked as he pressed the burning cigarette to his palm. Satterfield flinched, but he did not whimper or cry out. He hadn’t whimpered since he was twelve, and he’d be damned to hell if he’d ever whimper again.
CHAPTER 24
Kittredge
KITTREDGE FROWNED, RUBBING HIS left hand across his mouth, the stubble on his upper lip and chin rasping like sandpaper across his fingers and palm. The stubble rubbing was the detective’s version of a worry stone; the sound and sensation distracted his mind, turned down the distracting, unhelpful inner chatter. Kittredge rubbed his chin religiously, ritualistically, the way a baseball player might tap dirt from his spikes with the bat before stepping into the batter’s box, focusing on his shoes instead of the cowhide-covered cannonball about to come screaming in at ninety-five miles an hour—and by distracting himself from it, giving himself a better shot at hitting the damned thing.
“I’m having a little trouble here, Ms. . . .” Kittredge stole a glance at the complaint form on his desk. “Ms. Mayfield. You’re saying this man raped you. But you also say you got into his car with him. Agreed to have sex with him. For money. You see my problem here? How am I supposed to arrest a man for raping a woman who agreed to have sex with him?”
The woman looked away, appeared to be wavering. Probably deciding to cut her losses, Kittredge figured—just get up and walk out, knowing she was lucky to be alive. Instead, she turned and looked him in the eye. “But I unagreed,” she said. “I canceled the deal. I said no.” Now her gaze did not waver. “Look, Detective, I know I’m just a whore,” she said bluntly. “I sell my body on the street. I let strangers screw me for fifty bucks—twenty if I’m desperate.” She pressed on. “It’s not much of a life, and you probably think I’m scum. I sure as hell do, lots of the time. But there’s one tiny little scrap of dignity I still cling to, and you know what that is, Detective?” He could tell she didn’t expect him to answer—didn’t even want him to answer—so he waited. “It’s that I get to decide. I get to say yes—and God knows, I say yes just about every chance I get. But every once in a great while, I say no. Out there today, I said no, and you know what happened when I said no? That sick sonofabitch damn near broke my arm, and then he busted my face open with a belt. And then he forced me to strip naked and kneel down at his feet and take his dick in my mouth. After I said no. After.”
She stared at her hands, which had started to tremble on the table, as silent tears rolled down her cheeks and plopped onto the metal surface. Kittredge expected to see sadness in her face, but what he saw instead was fury. Fury at what had happened to her out in the woods? Fury at how her life had gone off the rails so badly? Fury at her own complicity in annihilating goodness and grace from her life? “I said no,” she repeated through clenched teeth, still looking down, as if speaking to her quaking fingers. Then she looked up at Kittredge again and resumed speaking, her voice clear and strong now: “Tell me, Detective. If some strange man did that to you—knocked the shit out of you, and made you strip and kneel down and suck his dick, and tell him you loved it—how would you like it?”
Kittredge had never thought about it, and didn’t want to think about it now, but there it was, the unwelcome and disgusting image in his mind, like some sort of brain STD he’d just caught from her. “I wouldn’t like it,” he finally said. It was a vast, absurd understatement. Kittredge felt something shifting inside him—something besides the contagion of the image. Kittredge felt something opening up, making room to accommodate this woman’s sense of injustice, enough to admire her for not giving up and just taking what the guy had done. “Honest truth, Janelle? I’d hate it like hell.”
“SO,” KITTREDGE SAID AS they took the Asheville Highway exit off I-40, “left here?”