She couldn’t stop thinking about her mother, about her father, about Lester, about the baby, about how her life had spun totally out of control in the last year. It didn’t seem to her as if it was going to get any better.
She thought about the press conference. She remembered how strongly her father had felt she should not be a part of it.
‘Don’t do this,’ he’d told her. ‘Don’t put yourself through it. It’s not necessary. I can handle it.’
‘No, I should do it.’
‘Melissa, I’m telling you—’
‘No, Dad, I have to do it. You can’t stop me.’
She recalled how he’d gripped her arm and how it had almost hurt. He’d looked into her eyes. ‘I’m telling you, it would be a mistake.’
‘If I don’t do it,’ she’d said, ‘people will think I don’t care.’
And so, reluctantly, he had relented, but he was very firm with her. ‘Let me do the talking. I don’t want you saying anything, you understand? You can cry all you want, but you’re not going to say one word.’
So she hadn’t. She wasn’t sure she could have, anyway. Just as he’d guessed, she cried. The tears were genuine. She hadn’t been able to stop. She was so terribly sad. In fact, she was not just sad.
She was scared.
She knew her father loved her very much. She believed that in her heart. But it didn’t give her comfort, not now.
He’d told her what to say. He’d rehearsed it with her.
‘Your mother went shopping and that’s all we know,’ he’d said. ‘She went off as she always did. Anything could have happened. Maybe she ran off to be with another man, or—’
‘Mom would never do that,’ Melissa had said, sniffing. She was trying to hold back the tears long enough for her father to drill into her what her story was going to be when the police talked to her. Because the police were going to want to talk to her, she could be sure of that.
‘—or maybe that guy who’s been doing the car-jackings, maybe he did this. It could have been any number of things. The world is full of disturbed people. The police will have all sorts of theories, and if they never solve it, they never solve it.’
‘OK.’
‘The main thing is, you just don’t know. You have no idea. Are we clear on that?’
‘Yes, Daddy.’
She crawled into the bed, lay on her side, and rested her head on the pillow. She grabbed a couple of tissues from the box on her bedside table and dabbed her eyes.
‘I can’t do this,’ she said to herself.
What was it her mother used to tell her?
You have to live your life as if someone’s watching you all time. You should behave in a way that means you can never be ashamed.
She turned on to her other side, then back again. It was so hard to get comfortable because of the baby. Finally, she threw back the covers and put her feet on the floor. She sat there on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands.
‘I can’t do this,’ she said again. ‘I have to do what’s right, no matter who it hurts.’
She wondered, if she should call a lawyer. But she didn’t know any lawyers. She didn’t want to pick one at random out of the phone book. Was there really any point? If her plan was to tell the truth, did she really need one?
Melissa decided to take a shower first, and make herself presentable. Before she stepped under the water, she phoned for a taxi. She asked for it to be outside the house in an hour.
She was standing on the curb when the yellow cab came around the corner. When she got in, the driver asked where she’d like to go.
‘The police station,’ she said.
‘OK,’ he said, then laughed. ‘I was thinking maybe you were going to say the hospital.’
‘I’ve got another couple of months to go,’ she said. ‘I’m not having a baby in your taxi.’
‘That’s good to know,’ he said and put the car in gear.
She didn’t say anything for the rest of the journey. Mostly, she just thought – about how angry her father was going to be with her.
Nine
Keisha
Garfield seemed to take a long time in the kitchen, but when he returned he had a cheque between his thumb and index finger. Keisha smiled as she took it from him, glanced down at it, and saw that it was for the right amount. She folded the cheque once and slipped it into her handbag.
‘Is everything all right?’ she asked.
‘Fine, fine,’ he said. ‘I couldn’t find a pen.’
‘You should have asked me. I have a couple in my bag here.’
‘I finally found one in the drawer.’
‘Well, that’s fine.’ She put her handbag down on the floor next to the chair. ‘Shall I continue?’
‘Would you like some coffee?’ he asked.
‘No, I’m fine, thank you.’
‘I was actually just about to make a cup of tea when you knocked on the door. Would you prefer tea?’
‘No, thank you.’
Garfield sat down on the settee. ‘So, do you live around here?’
Keisha wondered what was going on. She’d brought Garfield right up to the edge of the cliff with that thing about his wife’s car not being on the road. She had him then. He was curious, there was no doubt about it.