“Because I’m trying to understand you. I’ve been trying to understand you for a few years now. The religion. The lack of hope for Caitlin’s return. Moving out. Now I want to understand this, but I’m not sure I can. I’m not sure you could say anything that would make sense.”
Abby brought her hands up to her face and covered her mouth with them. She looked like she was cold, like she needed to blow on her hands for warmth, but I knew she was thinking and choosing her words carefully. She lowered her hands and spoke. “I was afraid, Tom. I was afraid to see Caitlin. Right before you went back there, it went through my mind that she’s been gone for four years. She’s changed. And who knows what has happened to her. And I got scared just thinking of that.” She reached up and moved her hair out of her face. “I probably felt guilty, too, for thinking she wouldn’t come back. But the longer I sat out there, thinking about Caitlin being just a few rooms away, the harder it was for me not to go back there. I needed to see her. I guess it had been a long time since I really felt like a mother, and that instinct finally kicked back in for me.”
“Then you should go with that feeling,” I said. “It’s a good one.”
“She seems so cold, so cut off from us.”
“You should come home with us, Abby. The three of us, back in our house. The way it’s meant to be.”
Abby started shaking her head before I even finished the sentence. “Oh, Tom . . .” She kept shaking her head. “She doesn’t need two unhappy parents.”
When Ryan returned two hours later, Abby and I both asked how she was doing before he could even sit down.
“They’re finishing up. She’s getting dressed,” Ryan said. He settled into a chair. “The physical exam shows no real problems. She has a bruise on her abdomen that could have come from a fist, but it’s not a serious injury. She wouldn’t say what caused it. No broken bones or evidence of past broken bones. Her teeth are in good shape, although it doesn’t look like she’s been to a dentist in a while. She’s a little on the thin side for a girl her age and height. But her vital signs are normal. The lab will process the blood work over the next few days. It’s possible she’s anemic, but other than that, I don’t think they’ll find anything. Bottom line—wherever she’s been and whatever she’s been doing, she’s been pretty well taken care of.”
“That’s a relief,” I said.
“What about . . . the other things you tested for?” Abby asked.
“The doctor did a rape kit to check for any evidence that might be left behind after a sexual assault. We won’t know those test results right away, but based on the exam, she doesn’t think it will reveal anything. There’s no obvious evidence of sexual assault. No vaginal bruising or bleeding. No defensive wounds on her hands, no scrapes or scratches. Just the one bruise I mentioned. And the pregnancy test was negative.”
“Thank God,” I said.
“That doesn’t mean there wasn’t a sexual assault at some time in the past. It just means that there hasn’t been a recent one. Now, the exam did reveal something that I feel I must share with you. It could be difficult to hear, especially considering all you’ve already been through.” He paused. “The examination revealed that Caitlin’s hymen is no longer intact. That would most likely indicate some type of sexual activity. Again, we can’t say if it was consensual or not, but it’s a fact we’re all going to have to deal with.”
I started to feel sick. The room, which to that point seemed perfectly comfortable, started to feel hot and close. My clothes clung to my body as though they were shrinking.
“What did she say about it?” Abby asked.
“Nothing,” Ryan said. “The doctor didn’t press, considering the situation. In fact, Caitlin didn’t respond to any of their questions about her health. She acted like she couldn’t hear them. She’s been like that ever since we brought her in. She’s barely spoken. I was wondering if she said anything to either of you when you were with her.”
Abby shook her head. “Nothing of substance. Right, Tom?”
I felt sweat beading on my upper lip. “Nothing.”
“Are you okay, Tom?” Ryan asked.
“I’m fine. Just a little overwhelmed.”
I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes, trying for just a moment to escape. But I heard another voice speaking to Ryan, and when I opened my eyes again a man was standing there. He wore a polo shirt, khaki pants, and loafers, and looked like he was on his way to a golf game. His thinning hair was cut close to his head and his face was round and his cheeks smooth and rosy, giving him the appearance of an oversized baby. He must have been in his thirties, but he could have passed for much younger.
“Tom, Abby, this is Dr. Rosenbaum,” Ryan said. “He works with the police department as a psychiatrist, and he specializes in adolescent cases like Caitlin’s. He’s going to help you with the transition as you take Caitlin home.”