You pulled a chair over and sat by my bed. ‘Do you want to talk about this girlfriend?’ you asked. You probably weren’t supposed to ask, being just an aide. ‘What was she like?’
‘It was so long ago,’ I said. ‘And we hadn’t told anyone we were together. It was wrong, really. She was with someone else. My best friend. They were engaged.’ I glanced at you out of the corner of my eye. Your Kay essence hadn’t fully worn off yet.
‘And what happened to her?’
I took a deep breath. ‘She was in a car accident,’ I said. ‘She broke her neck, and was in a coma for four weeks, on life support. Then she died.’
‘Oh gosh,’ you said quickly. ‘I’m sorry.’
My mouth felt electrified. There was a strange humming in my stomach. For the first time, I felt I could keep going. I felt I could talk about it and not stop.
We had been at a party. I had something to tell her, she had something to tell me. The thing that I had to tell her was that I had been awarded a college scholarship, a full ride. I would be leaving Cobalt, where we both lived.
I found Kay in the hallway. I knew she’d be happy for me-she was always so encouraging, saying I was so smart and that I had an amazing mother, for it was my mom who’d found out about the scholarship in the first place. But when I told her, Kay’s face fell. She looked like I’d just punched her.
‘I’m pregnant,’ Kay blurted out.
I didn’t mean to burst out laughing, it just happened. ‘It’s not a joke,’ Kay said. ‘I’m really six months pregnant.’
‘Are you sure? How the hell can you be six months pregnant?’ I stared at her stomach. At her boobs. At everything that changes in a pregnant woman’s body. She was wearing a gauzy, flowing top, the same sort all her girlfriends wore. They hid a lot-only, I knew what her body felt like, and I hadn’t felt anything. It was inconceivable.
‘I’ve gained twelve pounds,’ Kay said. ‘It’s low, but the doctor says I’m okay. He says that, sometimes, women gain a bunch of weight at the very end.’
I felt tricked. Bamboozled. I kept staring at her body and trying to figure it out. Where were the twelve pounds? ‘Why didn’t you say anything before?’
‘Because I only found out last month,’ she whispered. ‘I didn’t get my period for a while, but I often skip a few months, so…I don’t know. I thought it was normal. But then I went to the doctor.’ She gave me this look that said Please don’t kill me. Please be happy.
‘Are you sure it’s mine?’ I asked.
Her mouth got very small. ‘I know how to read a calendar, Richard.’
People streamed around us, not paying any attention to what we were talking about. ‘It’s an honest question,’ I said quietly. ‘Six months ago…’
‘…we were together,’ she answered quickly. ‘One of the first times.’
‘You’ve been with Mark, too.’
She smashed her mouth together. Her eyes began to water. I looked around fretfully for Mark, for Andy or Jeanie, someone who might notice. ‘I knew this would happen,’ she whispered. ‘I knew I would tell you this and you would want to leave.’
‘Wait, did you plan this?’ I asked.
‘Of course not!’ Her eyes flickered back and forth, trying to meet mine. Have you ever noticed that, though, that your eyes can’t completely meet someone else’s? You have to look at one pupil or the other. We’re never truly looking at one another at all. ‘What are we going to do?’
‘I don’t know!’ I blurted out. ‘Why do you think I would know?’ I was getting angry now. This was my day, my big news. And I wanted to be having this conversation anywhere but the hallway of Jeff’s parents’ house-the sounds of Leonard Cohen drifted out of the stoner room, and people were dissecting ‘Suzanne’ for its sexual implications. I wasn’t ready for this to be real. I wasn’t ready to have to deal with things like this.
‘I’m so scared,’ Kay said. ‘You’re going to go away. You’re going to abandon me.’
‘I’m not going to abandon you,’ I said. ‘But we have to think rationally. You’re going to finish your senior year here. Break off your engagement. And then you’re going to join me at Penn State. That’s the way it’s supposed to work.’
‘Well, I guess we’ll have to rethink that.’
I let out a small whimper. ‘Those are our plans.’
She widened her wet, already-round eyes. ‘What are you saying?’
‘I’m just saying…I want things to be the way they were ten minutes ago.’
‘Well, they’re not!’