All the Things We Didn't Say

‘We’ll be there in a second.’

 

 

This morning, Stella had been so excited Samantha was coming. Samantha had finally carved out a niche in her busy schedule to see us! How fortuitous that she had a conference in Ohio, and that the drive took her right by Cobalt! ‘I hope she remembers how to get here,’ Stella said, worried. ‘Do you think she’ll remember to look for the McDonald’s off the interstate? The one with the really high golden arches?’

 

I helped her put on makeup. She pulled on her gloves and slid her feet into her green high heels and dug out a set of blue plastic dumbbells to keep on her lap, perhaps to make Samantha think she’d just been working out. And then, after she was ready, I found her on the living room floor, clutching her side. ‘Again?’ I asked. ‘Again,’ she said.

 

She insisted that she didn’t want to take something that would completely knock her out, so I suggested she take a bath to relax. I filled up the tub with bubble bath, laid out her red and black robe, and spritzed Charlie perfume, her favorite, around the bathroom. She told me that when she was younger, she used to take bubble baths all the time, with Skip perched on the toilet, admiring her. She would smoke cigarettes, he would drink Scotch, and sometimes he would climb into the tub with her. ‘Those were the good years,’ she sighed.

 

I pulled the wine cork out of the bottle. A cough of dust came up as well. I poured a shot-glass-full for Stella, and found chipped tumblers for Samantha and myself. ‘We don’t have any real wine glasses,’ I said, noticing Samantha looking at the tumblers with disdain.

 

‘Well, you should get some,’ Samantha insisted. ‘Wine glasses aren’t very expensive.’

 

‘They’d go to waste.’

 

‘Every house needs wine glasses.’ Samantha returned to the living room and perched daintily on the couch next to Stella. ‘I always send my clients wine glasses when they move into their new home. It’s such a chill way to celebrate, you know?’

 

I eyed her carefully. I wasn’t sure I’d heard the word chill used so often in such a small span of time, not even when Andy Elkerson came over to repair the air-conditioning unit. But as she and I continued to nervously watch one another, I wondered if Samantha was smarter than I thought. Even though Stella and I had never talked about it, Stella very well could have told Samantha about my father and the hospital. It was possible, too, that Stella had theorized with Samantha why I was really, truly here, caring for her. Every time Samantha glanced in my direction, I thought I could see it in her face-the pity, the self-satisfaction of how her life had turned out so differently from mine.

 

I handed Stella the tumbler, and she belted it back fast. I felt like I should go and clean something, or prepare something, or hide Stella’s medications. ‘I didn’t know every house needed wine glasses,’ Stella said, picking up on the conversation. ‘I’m trying to remember if I own any.’

 

‘I’m sure you do,’ Samantha cooed.

 

‘Then where are they?’ Stella wondered aloud, adjusting the Magic Bag on her belly. It was a bean-filled cloth bag that we kept in the freezer. We’d recently bought a new cover for it, a scene of the night sky, complete with cartoonish planets. ‘I don’t recall owning a single wine glass.’

 

Samantha slapped her knees with her palms. ‘You know what? I think we should have an outing. Go get you some new wine glasses.’

 

‘Samantha…’ I whined.

 

‘That sounds like a good idea,’ Stella said creakily.

 

‘We could go to the Wreston mall,’ Samantha suggested.

 

‘Oh, honey, no,’ Stella said. ‘That place burned down.’

 

‘Really?’ Samantha scratched her head. ‘Well, where else is there?’

 

Stella and I looked at each other. ‘Well, there’s Wal-Mart,’ Stella said. ‘They have everything.’

 

Samantha winced-Wal-Mart probably wasn’t what she was imagining. But what did she expect? This was Cobalt. ‘Well then.’ Her tone was brisk. ‘Wal-Mart it is.’

 

‘Do you feel well enough?’ I asked Stella.

 

‘Of course,’ Stella said sharply, weakly making a muscle with her arm. ‘Fit as a fiddle.’

 

I resisted laughing. ‘Maybe we should go to Wal-Mart tomorrow. We should just rest today. We could go before we take off on our trip.’

 

‘Where are you going?’ Samantha asked.

 

‘Summer’s taking me somewhere so I can smoke grass!’ Stella cried.

 

Samantha looked startled. ‘No, I’m not,’ I reminded Stella. I faced Samantha. ‘I told you about this on the phone, remember? I’m taking her to this…doctor, sort of. Near Lancaster.’

 

‘He’s a drug dealer!’ Stella announced. ‘He smokes with you!’

 

‘He makes you breathe in things,’ I corrected her. ‘Healing things. Not…marijuana. He’s Native American, I think. His name is Cheveyo. It means “spirit warrior” in some tribal language.’

 

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