What had made her sister change? Why, suddenly, was she so jealous, so desperate to be the only girl in the house? It was probably an answer Ali would never know.
As she ran her fingers over the horse’s molded mane, a surprising thought struck her: She missed her sister. Not the crazy person she’d become, not the threatening presence in the bathroom, but that little girl she once was, her old best friend. Sometimes, in the middle of the night at the Radley and even now, she found herself reaching for something in the darkness. She’d wondered more than once if it was her sister’s hand.
The music started up, and the carousel began to turn. Ali smiled at Nick, wiping the thoughts from her mind. Nick gripped the pole with one hand and held her hand with the other. He didn’t take his eyes off her the whole time. Ali’s heart beat along with the bass drum that accompanied the carousel’s old-timey song.
The merry-go-round rotated several full turns before either of them looked away from the other. As the ride slowed, Nick’s phone chimed, and he pulled it out of his pocket and started texting.
“Who are you writing to?” Ali blurted, then wanted to clap a hand over her mouth. She wasn’t supposed to care who he was texting. She was supposed to act cool and aloof. Guys couldn’t stand girls who wanted to know every detail of their lives.
But Nick turned the phone screen around so Ali could see. “My buddy Jeff.” He pointed to the text-message thread. A guy named Jeff G. asked him what he was up to, and he’d replied, I’m hanging out with my new crush, Alison.
Ali’s mouth dropped open. “I’m your new crush, huh?” she said, trying to sound untouchable and apathetic. But her voice was too full of joy for that. Her fingers were shaking. There was a voice inside her screaming, Yes!
“I hope you are,” Nick said, helping her off the horse and walking her out of the little fence that surrounded the carousel. “I want to know everything about you, Ali.” He laced his fingers through hers. “I like you a lot.”
“I-I like you, too,” Ali heard herself saying, her voice sounding small and nervous—and thrilled.
“Good,” Nick said, leaning in close. And there, beside the pipe organ and the screaming kids waiting in line and the cotton-candy kiosk, which smelled nauseatingly sugary, he edged close and touched his lips to Ali’s. It was over in an instant, but Ali knew she’d remember the feeling of the kiss for a long, long time.
They smiled giddily at each other for a few seconds, but suddenly something behind Nick caught Ali’s eye. A familiar figure stood just inside one of the little mall hallways that led to the bathrooms and the staff offices. Was that her mom?
She squinted, at first annoyed that her mom was spying. But then she saw the second figure standing next to her. A man in shadow placed his hand on Mrs. DiLaurentis’s arm, talking urgently about something. It wasn’t Ali’s father.
Acid rose in her stomach. She breathed in sharply and pulled away from Nick. His brow furrowed. “What’s the matter?”
“I . . .” Ali’s gaze remained on her mother and the man. He turned and touched the side of her face in a gesture so tender it made Ali curl up inside.
“Ali?” Nick’s voice was soothing, but it seemed so far away. “Are you okay?”
“No,” Ali whispered, backing away. Part of her wanted to see who the man was, but another part of her was terrified to find out. Instead, she turned around and sprinted toward the exit, running faster and faster until her legs ached and her lungs burned.
16
PLAYING IT COOL
Later that night, Ali lay in an X shape on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She’d changed the bedroom since she’d taken it from her sister—removing the pictures of Naomi and Riley and replacing them with ones of Aria, Spencer, Emily, and Hanna; reorganizing her sister’s messy closet and throwing out the items she didn’t like; rearranging the desk so that it was by the big picture window that looked out onto the backyard; and hanging a big poster that said FREEDOM over her bed. It was a little inside joke with herself.
The one thing she kept of her sister’s was the ceiling lamp above her head, a mobile of several bright yellow stars and a silvery moon. Back when she was Courtney, she’d given this to her sister as a birthday present, and she was surprised her sister had held on to it. Deep down, did her sister regret what she’d done? Or did she just like the design?
Beep.