Ella snapped the mirror shut. “Pearls, Dirk, I can tell where you are by your breath alone.”
“I hate to interrupt,” Sir Giles said, “but we have to save this poor girl.” He glanced back at the stairwell. “And soon, too. I am starting to think I made the wrong call about leaving Torval behind—”
“Fine,” said Lily as she turned her back. “Kiss the girl. See if I care. I hope the two of you fall in love and are desperately happy and that she bears you a whole breed of little brats that look exactly like you!”
Sir Giles looked over in confusion at Ella and mouthed a silent question.
Ella threw back her head with an exasperated sigh. “Am I really the only one here who isn’t hopelessly stupid?”
Dirk leaned over the girl. “She’s a real looker, for sure. Can I have a go at her?”
“What?” Sir Giles stiffened. “No…absolutely not. It…well, it wouldn’t be proper at all.”
“Why not?” Dirk looked over at Sir Giles slyly. “Who says you’re this girl’s true love? Maybe I am.”
Ella laughed. “You wish.”
“I have just as much chance as Sir Stuffy-Pants here,” said Dirk. He gave a cocky grin. “Besides, you know the girls all love the bad boys.”
Sir Giles raised a hand. “No, Dirk. I forbid you to touch that fair maiden.”
Lily spun around. Her eyes gleamed with tears. “Oh, why can’t we? Why don’t we all just take turns kissing her?” She turned back around again, arms folded.
Dirk raised his eyebrows. “Okay, I vote that Ella and Lily go first.”
Ella shook her head. “You are so sad, you know that?”
A scream echoed up from the stairwell, followed by a large roar.
Sir Giles lifted his head. “Oh, right,” he said uncomfortably. “Torval.”
Ella waved a dismissive hand. “I’m sure he’s fine.”
“Well, tell you what,” said Lily as she grabbed her staff. “How about you all take turns making out with this poor defenseless girl here and I’ll go help Torval.” She started for the stairs. “It’s better than being in here with you cretins.”
Sir Giles waved both arms. “That’s enough, everyone!”
Lily paused. Dirk and Ella both looked at the knight.
“Now,” said Sir Giles with a cough, “I’m going to kiss the girl.”
“Did you want us to break out into spontaneous song and dance for you?” Ella asked sweetly.
Sir Giles ignored her. He crossed over to the unconscious girl, hesitated for a moment, then bent over and kissed her on the lips.
The room was silent.
Sir Giles stood back up. He watched the girl’s face carefully.
She didn’t move. Her eyes stayed closed.
Lily turned her head away.
Ella gave a deep sigh. “Well…this is awkward.”
Sir Giles touched his lips self-consciously. “I—hmm. Perhaps it needs…I mean maybe I have to—”
“My turn!” Dirk dove in and planted his mouth on top of the girl’s.
“Pearls of Talrilla, Dirk,” Ella squealed. “Get off the poor woman!” She slapped him hard on the back of the head.
“Ow!” Dirk pulled away, rubbing the back of his head. “What the blink is wrong with you? I should get a chance too.”
“Oh, sure,” Lily shot over her shoulder. “Let’s sell tickets, shall we?”
“Now that’s enough, Dirk,” said Sir Giles as he pointed a finger at the rogue. “You can’t—” He stopped mid-sentence, staring down at the unconscious woman. “Wasn’t—wasn’t she wearing some kind of crown just a moment ago?”
Ella glanced down. “I believe the proper word is tiara. And yes.”
Sir Giles looked around. “Well…where did it go?”
Everyone looked over at Dirk.
“Oh, sure,” Dirk said angrily. “Go ahead and blame me. I’m a thief, so I must have taken the woman’s jewelry, right?”
“Dirk,” said Sir Giles sternly, “the tiara is sticking out of your vest pocket.”
Dirk glanced down at the glinting gold. “Dragon’s fire,” he mumbled.
“Put it back, Dirk,” said Sir Giles loudly.
“Oh, come on.” Dirk stared down at the woman. “It’s not like she needs it or anything. And we’re not exactly getting paid for this little expedition of yours.”
“You know,” said Ella thoughtfully as she raised the woman’s arm in the air, “this is a nice bracelet. I think those are real sapphires.”
“We are not robbing a defenseless woman!” Sir Giles cried.
“It’s not robbing,” said Dirk brusquely. “It’s…property reallocation.”
Lily spun around again. “Rob her or kiss her, what’s the difference? Should we go get Torval and see if he wants to kiss the girl too?”
Sir Giles turned a deeper shade of red. “Now see here—”
“This whole thing seem a bit suspicious if you ask me, anyways,” said Dirk with a furtive glance around the room. “I mean, how did this girl get here?”
Sir Giles gave an exasperated sigh. “I…don’t know. I imagine some witch or sorcerer cast a spell on her and—”
“But why?” Dirk looked around the room with a frown. “Seems to be a lot of trouble to go to. Why not just kill her and be done with it?”
Ella held out her hand. The sapphire bracelet dangled around her wrist. “What do you think, Lily? Does it go with my armor?”
“Ella!” said Sir Giles, shocked. “What would the goddess you serve have to say about that?”
Ella searched the ceiling for a moment. “I don’t honestly know. I think I skipped that day at the temple.”
“That a girl,” said Dirk. “Come on, let’s get her rings.”
“That’s it,” said Sir Giles furiously. He pointed at the stairs leading down. “Everyone out. Now.”
“Oh, this isn’t about that silly old Torval, is it?” said Ella as she adjusted the bracelet on her wrist. “I’m sure he’s dead by now.”
“I won’t have us profaning this place and this poor woman any longer,” said Sir Giles hotly. “Now everyone out.”
“You didn’t seem so concerned about not profaning her earlier,” Lily said as she stormed out of the room.
Ella started forward, then stopped. She leaned down and gave the unconscious girl a quick kiss.