Your happiness isn’t determined by where or who you live with. Happiness comes from within, and only you can control that.
Mrs. Katie was absolutely right, but I view her words in a different way now that I’m older. All the years I was in foster care and had virtually no one, I repeated her words in my head. Knowing that I could be happy if I chose to be happy, despite my external circumstances, is what kept me going all those years.
Now I actually do have family, thanks to my father, Joel, who stepped in when I was fourteen and finally gave me a stable environment. I have a wonderful group of family and friends who mean the world to me, and while happiness may not be determined by where or who you live with, or the people that surround you…it certainly adds to it. So many people have friends and family who love them, but they spend their lives blaming them for everything wrong in their life.
None of us do that in this room. Maybe it’s because we’ve all been dealt a bad hand once or twice in our lives and it taught us to appreciate what we have. Maybe it’s because we know how lucky we are to have found each other when we did. I don’t know what sets people’s attitudes apart in this life, but just like Mrs. Katie wasn’t worried about me…I’m not worried about any of these people. I’m not worried about a single one of them, because they all know how to find the positive in every situation.
I just hope Gavin can find the positive in what I’m about to tell him.
“You’re last, Eddie,” Layken says. “Suck and sweet.”
I inhale slowly and decide to just get it over with. Rip the band aid off. It’s the best way. I look over at Gavin and he’s smiling at me, unsuspecting of what’s about to hit him.
“My sweet is the same as Gavin’s. That I’m relieved Katie is already three and we’re not having to suffer through sleepless nights anymore.”
“Amen to that,” Gavin says.
I shake my head, silently telling him he shouldn’t be so quick to respond. His eyes grow wider.
“My suck, is that in about seven and a half months…we’ll be eating our own words.”
The table goes quiet. Even Katie is quiet for a change. Gavin faces forward and rests his elbows on the table, then covers his face with his palms.
I know it’s unexpected, but I was kind of hoping he’d react positively. Which may be why I chose to tell everyone at the same time. We’ve both graduated college. We both have good jobs. I’m not sure how unexpectedly having another baby could be all that bad. Especially since we’ve talked about giving Katie a sibling.
Gavin slowly stands and I’m afraid he’s about to bolt out of the house to have a meltdown. He turns to face me and his arms go out as wide as the grin that appears on his face. “You’re pregnant?!” he yells. He wraps his arms around me and lifts me out of my seat, then steps away from the table and spins me around before setting me back down again.
He grabs my face and forces me to look him in the eyes. “Seriously? We’re having another baby?”
I nod and he laughs. He reaches down and lifts Katie out of her seat. “Katie, did you hear that? Mommy has a baby in her tummy!”
Katie looks at me. “Baby Julia in your tummy?” She looks horrified at the thought.
“No, sweetie,” I tell her. “This is a new baby. This baby doesn’t have a name yet.”
Gavin is beaming. “We get to name the baby ourselves,” he says. “Whatever we want. We’ll let you help us pick the name.”
Katie grins. “Poo poo bird.”
Gavin laughs, then reaches toward me and pulls me in for another hug with the two of them.
*
It’s been three hours since we left Layken and Will’s house with Julia. I finally got her to go to sleep and she’s passed out on my chest. I’m watching reruns of I Love Lucy and Gavin and Katie are passed out together on the other couch.
There’s a soft knock at my living room door, followed by it opening slightly.
“Hello?” Will whispers.
I laugh to myself, thinking they did good to make it three hours without her.
“It’s open,” I say.
Will walks in and sees Julia asleep on my chest. He smiles a bashful smile; like he’s embarrassed that they couldn’t stay away from her for eight hours.
“It’s fine,” I say. “I figured you’d be back for her.”
He laughs and reaches down to lift her up. He pulls her to her chest. “Layken couldn’t sleep without her in the room with us,” he whispers.
I nod and watch him as he lifts her away from his chest and adjusts her into the fold of his arms. “Or maybe Daddy couldn’t sleep without you there,” he whispers to her. He brings her forehead to his mouth and kisses her, then turns and walks toward the front door. When it closes behind him, Gavin wakes up from the noise. He looks at the front door, then looks at me and sees I’m not holding Julia anymore.
“Suckers,” he says, laughing. “I knew they couldn’t do it.”
I smile. “Come here,” I say to him.
He rolls Katie onto her back, then stands up and walks over to the couch I’m sitting on. He lowers himself down and rests his head in my lap. He turns toward my stomach and gives it the perfect kiss, then places his hand on it.
“This is one lucky kid, Eddie.”
“Why?”
“Because,” he says. “He’s gonna have the best big sister in the world and the best mom in the world.”
I smile. “And the best Gabin in the world.”
*
Colleen Hoover is the author of five New York Times bestselling novels. Her first series was published in 2012 and includes Slammed, Point of Retreat, and This Girl. Her second series, published in 2013, includes the #1 NYT's bestseller Hopeless and the companion novel, Losing Hope. She has released a free novella, Finding Cinderella, as a thank you to her readers for their continued support. The novella is a companion to her Hopeless series, but can be read as a standalone.