Cathy felt something inside of her snap. The air whooshed strongly out of her lungs. “Do you understand? Do you really! Do you understand that my little girl has been ill for nearly two years? That she spends more time here with needles stuck in her arms than she does with me?”
Her whole body was shaking. She took a step forward and leaned in close, getting in the woman’s astonished face. “There are no more play dates! There is no going-back-to-school shopping for a pink lunch box or colored pencils or crayons!” Fury poured out of her. “She started reading when she was five years old. She’s smart and pretty and funny. She should be in school or playing with her friends. But she’s here instead. And you’re telling me that she can’t have a few pieces of her favorite candy! You stupid, stupid, insensitive bitch!”
The nurse backed away, her professional facade crumbling in the face of Cathy’s rage. The head nurse suddenly inserted herself between the two women. She snapped over her shoulder at her underling. “Get back to the station! I will speak to you later.” Then she turned back around to confront Cathy. Her tone of voice and her manner gentled. She put a restraining hand on Cathy’s forearm. “It’s all right, Cathy. It’s okay.”
Cathy’s gaze locked with the head nurse’s compassionate eyes. The first day Chloe had stepped foot in the hospital, Cathy had met Barbara Beasely, and they had become fast friends over the long, grueling months. “I’m just so tired, Barbara. I’m just so damn tired. Sometimes I—” Cathy’s voice broke, and tears blinded her. She hastily dashed them away. She would not break down. She would not.
“Just let it go, Cathy.” The head nurse gave her a quick, comforting hug. “I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
“Chloe doesn’t have much in her life right now, you know?” Cathy explained wearily. “I brought her a few Skittles. They’re her favorite.”
The head nurse nodded. There was understanding in her eyes. “No one will take them from her, I promise. If Chloe throws up, it won’t be any different than what happens with the chemo. Don’t feel bad. We can deal with it, Cathy.”
Cathy nodded, already burning with shame over her outburst. “I’m so sorry, Barbara. Please tell that poor nurse, okay? I probably scared her to death. I’ll be at work this afternoon. I’ll come back after I get off. I want to talk to Dr. Richards.”
“Okay. I will relay a message to him.” The head nurse looked searchingly at her. “Cathy, are – are you all right? I’ve never known you to lose control like this.”
Cathy swiftly made an excuse. “I didn’t sleep much last night.” She suddenly recalled that she really hadn’t, and why, and warmth scorched her cheeks. Forcing back the untimely memory, she summoned up as bright a smile as she could. “I don’t sleep well most nights, Barbara, as you know.”
The head nurse nodded, ready sympathy flickering in her gaze. “I understand. I’ll look in on Chloe myself in a little while, okay?”
“Thank you, Barbara.” Cathy nodded again. “I’ve – I’ve got to go. I don’t want to be late to work.” She turned sharply away and left the ward.
After work, during her second visit with her daughter, Cathy was able to talk with the oncologist about the possibility of her daughter going home for a few days. Dr. Richards explained kindly that he felt Chloe’s immune system was too fragile to allow her to be away from the hospital. He promised to keep the possibility under consideration since Chloe seemed to have responded better to the latest bout of chemotherapy.