“I’m so happy we can catch up.” Jules sighed and popped a fry in her mouth. “I feel so out of the loop since I got back.” Jules and her boyfriend Josh went on a weeklong trip to New Zealand a few weeks ago, and this was my first time seeing her since she returned. Between her demanding schedule as an attorney and Ava’s constant travels as a photographer for World Geographic magazine, it was hard for all of us to be at the same place at the same time. We still scheduled at least one meetup every month, though, even if it had to be virtual. At least then,
Bridget, who lived in Europe, could join. Adult friendships took work and conscious effort to maintain, but the ones that stayed were the ones that mattered most. That was why it was so hard to lie to Jules, Ava, and Bridget. They knew I’d been fired, but they didn’t know about Christian. At the same time, I didn’t want to burden them with too many of my problems, and the longer I kept things from them, the less I wanted to explain why I hadn’t said something in the first place. The fish tacos I ate for lunch churned in my stomach. “You haven’t missed anything big.” Ava brushed a strand of hair out of her eye. “My life is just work and wedding stuff until October.” Despite her casual words, her face glowed with excitement. Her boyfriend Alex proposed last summer, and they were planning a fall wedding in Vermont. Knowing Alex, it would be the most lavish wedding the state had ever seen. He’d already hired the top wedding planner in the country to coordinate an army of florists, caterers, photographers, videographers, and whoever else was involved in the nuptials. “Hmm.” Jules sounded disappointed that there wasn’t juicier news waiting for her. “What about you, Stel? Any chance you hooked up with a celebrity at an event? Won a million dollars? Got offered a trip to Bora Bora in exchange for pictures of your feet again?” My laugh came out strained. “Sorry to disappoint, but no.” Though I did get a fake boyfriend. The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed them along with the rest of my water. I needed more time to process my situation before I discussed it with anyone else. “Oh.” Jules pouted. “Well, the year’s still young. And oh my God, speaking of celebrities…” Her eyes lit up again. “You won’t believe who we saw at the airport on our way back to D.C. Nate Reynolds! He was with his wife…” I relaxed into my seat as she rambled on about her favorite movie star. That was a safer topic than anything about my life.
The remnants of shame prickled my skin, but I consoled myself with the fact that I wouldn’t lie to my friends forever. I’d tell them about Christian soon. Just not today. We stayed at the restaurant for another half hour before Ava had to meet Alex for some wedding thing and Jules went to “surprise” Josh after his shift at the hospital. I was pretty sure that was code for sex, but I wisely chose not to ask. After we said our goodbyes, I took the train to Greenfield. It was an hour-long ride from the city, and when I’d worked at D.C. Style, I had to rush here after work.
Sometimes I didn’t make it; when I did make it, I usually only got ten or fifteen minutes with Maura before visiting hours ended. That was one perk of being unemployed, I guess. I no longer had to take the train to and from the middle of nowhere at night, and I didn’t have to worry about not having time to see her. I absentmindedly toyed with my necklace as I watched the city’s concrete sidewalks and European-inspired architecture give way to open fields and flatter land. I hadn’t talked to Christian in person since our agreement, though he’d texted me the following day asking me to join him at a fundraiser. I didn’t even know what the fundraiser was for, only that it was a black-tie event and would take place at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. The jolt of the train as it stopped at the Greenfield station coincided with the uprising of nerves in my stomach. It’ll be fine. It’s just a party. You’ve attended plenty of black-tie events. I inhaled and exhaled a lungful of air. It’ll be fine. I stood and waited for a group of tired-looking commuters to pass before I followed them off the train. I only made it halfway before a chill gripped the back of my neck and yanked my head up. It was the same chill I’d experienced in my hallway the night Christian gave me a ride home. My eyes darted wildly around the train car, but it was empty save for an elderly man snoring in the corner and the attendant trying to wake
him up. Some of the tension bled out of my shoulders. Nothing was wrong. I was on edge about the fundraiser and the fake dating arrangement, that’s all.
??
The remnants of shame prickled my skin, but I consoled myself with the fact that I wouldn’t lie to my friends forever. I’d tell them about Christian soon. Just not today. We stayed at the restaurant for another half hour before Ava had to meet Alex for some wedding thing and Jules went to “surprise” Josh after his shift at the hospital. I was pretty sure that was code for sex, but I wisely chose not to ask. After we said our goodbyes, I took the train to Greenfield. It was an hour-long ride from the city, and when I’d worked at D.C. Style, I had to rush here after work.
Sometimes I didn’t make it; when I did make it, I usually only got ten or fifteen minutes with Maura before visiting hours ended. That was one perk of being unemployed, I guess. I no longer had to take the train to and from the middle of nowhere at night, and I didn’t have to worry about not having time to see her. I absentmindedly toyed with my necklace as I watched the city’s concrete sidewalks and European-inspired architecture give way to open fields and flatter land. I hadn’t talked to Christian in person since our agreement, though he’d texted me the following day asking me to join him at a fundraiser. I didn’t even know what the fundraiser was for, only that it was a black-tie event and would take place at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. The jolt of the train as it stopped at the Greenfield station coincided with the uprising of nerves in my stomach. It’ll be fine. It’s just a party. You’ve attended plenty of black-tie events. I inhaled and exhaled a lungful of air. It’ll be fine. I stood and waited for a group of tired-looking commuters to pass before I followed them off the train. I only made it halfway before a chill gripped the back of my neck and yanked my head up. It was the same chill I’d experienced in my hallway the night Christian gave me a ride home. My eyes darted wildly around the train car, but it was empty save for an elderly man snoring in the corner and the attendant trying to wake him up. Some of the tension bled out of my shoulders.