Senior year has been no joke.
I can count on my fingers the days I’ve had time for some fun or to go out with my friends or Ares. We’ve all been consumed by the excellent-grades-required monster in order to have a remote shot at a good college when we graduate. It’s been crazy, and we’re all drained. Now, after a week of testing, I can finally relax a little and enjoy my boyfriend, who’s lying on his side next to me.
The eyes are the mirror of the soul. . . .
Where have I heard that phrase before? It doesn’t matter, I just know that it’s true. I never imagined I could see so much by looking into someone’s eyes, like I’m reading their biography.
Ares doesn’t say anything, he just stares at me, and his eyes look so bright with the morning sun reflected in them. I don’t know how long it’s been since we woke up. His hand rests on the side of my face, his thumb caressing my cheek. I wish I could stop time so we can stay like this forever, without having to face the world or worry about anything else. I realize that happiness is not a perpetual state, it’s just perfect little moments.
Ares closes his eyes and kisses me on the forehead. When he pulls away, the emotions in his eyes are as clear as water: love and passion. It makes me remember the beginning when I couldn’t decipher him at all. And then fear settles in the pit of my stomach. When something is so perfect, the fear that something could ruin it can be overwhelming.
The alarm on his cell phone interrupts our moment.
“We have to go,” he says.
“Argh!” I shout. I guess my little break from school is over. “Remind me why I have to study.”
Ares stands up and stretches.
“Because you want to be a psychologist and help people, and for that you need to finish high school,” he states, making me smile like a fool.
“Good motivation.” I get out of bed with just his shirt on. “I’ll let you be my first patient if you promise I’ll be yours.”
The good mood vanishes into thin air. Ares looks away without responding and starts walking toward his bathroom. I frown but say nothing; the subject of his university studies has been a sensitive one for the past month. He needs to talk to his parents and make a decision about which colleges to apply for soon, as the application deadlines for many schools are passing.
After watching him disappear behind the bathroom door and hearing him run the shower, I look for my backpack, which I find sitting next to a small library of books from school. I take advantage of the evenings when Mom is on night shifts to come and stay with him, and I bring my school bag with clothes so I won’t be late in the morning. At first, it was awkward and embarrassing to be with Ares’s parents and siblings, but as time went on, I realized that this house spends more time empty than occupied. Even when they’re home, they tend to be locked in their own worlds or, in this case, rooms.
The one person I’ve interacted with quite a bit has been Claudia. She and I simply have chemistry, we get along well, and, although at first glance she may seem cold, she’s actually very sweet.
These past three months have been wonderful. Ares has behaved like a prince. We’ve hung out, spent time with my friends and his friends, enjoyed wonderful sex. . . . We haven’t had any fights, and I thank Our Virgin of Abdominals for that. I deserve this period of peace after all I went through in the beginning.
I’m taking my clothes out of my backpack and putting them on the table with Ares’s laptop when several envelopes next to the computer catch my eye. One has a stamp that I recognize: The University of North Carolina.
I press my lips together. That’s where I applied, but Ares has never been interested in going there. He always told me he wanted to study at one of the Ivies. Curiously, I pull out the letter inside, and my heart stops as I read it.
Thank you for your interest in our Business Management program for the semester. We will be reviewing your information and qualifications and will notify you of our decision.
What the fuck . . . ?
Business management? University of North Carolina?
At that moment Ares comes out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, while drying his hair with another one.
“You can go in now, I . . .” He stops when he sees me with the paper in my hand.
“UNC? Business management?” I show him the paper.
“I was going to tell you . . .”
“You applied to UNC? For business management? What did I miss?”
“Raquel . . .”
“What happened to medicine? Princeton? Yale? Harvard? What happened?” I don’t give him time to answer. I don’t know why I’m so upset. Ares looks away.
“I have to be realistic, Raquel.”
“Realistic?” I ask in disbelief. He throws the towel aside and runs his hand over his face.
“Management or law, that’s what my family needs.” I can’t believe I’m hearing him say this.
“What about what you need?” I ask. He ignores my question.
“It’s the same college you applied to. Aren’t you glad to know we’ll be together?”
“Don’t try to make this about me,” I retort. “This is about you and what you want for your life.”
“This is what I want for my life. To be useful to my family, and to be by your side, that’s all I want.”
“No,” I shake my head. Ares raises an eyebrow.
“No?” he asks.
“You’re just taking the easy path. You’re giving up without even trying and taking refuge in the thought that at least we’ll be together.”
“At least?” he repeats. “I didn’t know being together was so unimportant to you.”
“Again, don’t try to make this about me or about us.”
“How can it not be about us? If I apply to those other colleges, do you know how far apart we’ll be? I’m going to have to move to another state, Raquel.”
I know . . .
I’ve thought about it so many times . . .
But I can’t be selfish . . .
“I know, but you’ll be studying what you want to study and following your dream. That’s enough for me.”
“Don’t give me that shit.” He moves closer to me. “You want us to split up?”
“I just want you to do what you want to do.”
“This is what I want to do. This is what I’ll do. This is my decision.”
I run my hands through my hair.
“It’s not. Why are you so stubborn?” I demand. I see him hesitate.
“Because I love you,” he says, and I stop breathing. “And just imagining being away from you tears me apart.”
“I know. I feel that too.” I move closer to him and take his face in my hands before I continue. “I love you, too, and because I love you, I want you to be happy and achieve everything you want in this life.”
He puts his forehead on mine.
“I can’t be happy without you.”
“I’m not going anywhere. We’ll find a way, long-distance relationship or whatever.” I pause. “I’d rather do that than see you every day in a place that has never interested you, studying something you hate. I don’t want to see you suffer that way.”
“My family won’t support me.”
“Have you talked to them? At least try.” I give him a short kiss. “Please?”
“Okay.” His lips meet mine in a soft kiss that’s filled with so many emotions that my heart races. I reciprocate, running my hands around his neck, kissing him deeply. Feeling his wet torso against me, my hormones rage, and it doesn’t help that he’s only wearing a towel. Our mouths move harder against each other, brushing and licking, and I press my breasts against him with desire.
Ares lifts me up, setting me on the computer table, and reaches between my legs. I interrupt the kiss breathlessly.
“We’re going to be late.”