He leans back and reaches for something in his pants, and I watch him pull out a condom and roll it on.
Oh God, I’m really going to do this. I’m going to lose my virginity to Ares Hidalgo.
In seconds, he’s on top of me, in between my legs, and a wave of fear sweeps through me, but he kisses me passionately, taking it away, and making me forget everything. He positions himself and leans back from me, looking into my eyes.
“Are you sure?”
I lick my lips nervously. “Yes.”
Ares kisses me and I close my eyes, losing myself in his soft, rich lips. But then I feel him slowly penetrate me. I moan in pain and tears fill my eyes. “Ares, it hurts.”
He leaves short kisses all over my face. “I know. It’s okay; it’ll pass.”
He sinks into me a little further and I arch my back. I feel something inside me break and then he fills me completely. Tears roll down the sides of my face.
“Kiss me,” he says.
He’s inside me, but he doesn’t move. His kisses are wet, passionate, while his hands touch my breasts gently, distracting me, bringing excitement back to my aching body.
He doesn’t hurry to move, he only focuses on exciting me even more, tempting, kissing, biting my lips, my neck, my breasts. The pain is still there, but it’s lessening and only the burning discomfort of something that has broken remains. I need more, I need something, and I need him to move. I am so ready for him to move.
“Ares,” I gasp.
As if he knows what I want, he starts to move slowly. The friction burns a little, but I’m so wet that it starts to feel delicious. Oh God, the sensation overcomes me, I’ve never felt so good in my entire life.
Suddenly I want him to go faster, deeper. I put my hands around his neck and kiss him with everything I have, moaning and feeling him perfectly hard inside me. “Ares! Oh God, Ares, faster.”
Ares smiles at my lips. “You want it faster, huh? Do you like it?”
He thrusts into me deeply before he starts moving faster.
“Oh my God!”
“Raquel,” he murmurs in my ear as I cling to his back. “Do you like feeling me like this, all inside you?”
“Yes!” I can feel the orgasm coming and I moan so loudly that Ares kisses me to silence it. Suddenly, my body explodes, wave after wave of pleasure invading every part of me.
Ares moans with me and his movements become clumsy and even faster. He comes and falls on top of me. Our quickened breathing echoes throughout the room. Our heartbeats can be clearly felt through our glued chests. As the last traces of orgasm leave me, clarity returns.
Oh my God! I just had sex with Ares. I just lost my virginity.
Ares uses his hands to hoist himself up and gives me a short kiss, pulling out of me. It burns a little, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I see traces of blood on the condom, and I look away, sitting up. He takes the condom and throws it in the trash and then puts on his pants and hands me my clothes. He sits on the arm of the couch and just looks at me without speaking. He doesn’t talk to me, doesn’t say nice things to me, doesn’t even hug me . . . nothing. It’s like he’s impatient for me to leave.
The silence is too uncomfortable, so I get dressed as quickly as I can. I stand up and wince.
“Are you okay?”
I nod my head. Ares’s eyes land on the couch behind me and I follow his gaze. There’s a small but noticeable bloodstain. Ares seems to pick up on my embarrassment.
“Don’t worry, I’ll have it washed.”
I twist my hands in front of me. “I-I should go.”
He doesn’t object; he doesn’t say “don’t go” or “why are you leaving?” He doesn’t say anything at all, so I start walking toward the door. My heart is in my throat, and I feel like crying, but I won’t let the tears form in my eyes. I grab the doorknob, and he suddenly speaks.
“Wait!”
Hope kindles in me, but it shatters right away when I see him walking toward me with the phone box in his hand.
“Please accept it.”
And that gesture makes me feel even worse, like he’s paying me back for what just happened. Unruly tears fill my eyes, and I can’t speak. I open the door and hurry out.
“Raquel! Hey! Don’t go like that! Raquel!” I hear him shouting behind me.
Before I know it, I’m running to the exit. I bump into the redheaded girl again, but I ignore her and continue on my way.
Out on the street, tears run down my cheeks. I know I’m responsible for what just happened. He didn’t make me do it, but that doesn’t make me feel any better.
I always thought that my first time would be magical, a special moment, that the guy I was with would value and appreciate it, that he would at least have feelings for me. The sex was wonderful and increased my feelings for Ares, but this meant nothing to him. It was just sex.
And he warned me, he told me clearly what he wanted, but I was stupid and gave him what was most precious to me. I keep running until my lungs burn. When I get home, I throw myself on my bed and cry inconsolably.
SEVENTEEN
The Message
“Nutella?”
“No.”
“Strawberries with cream?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Ice cream?”
“No.”
“I know, how about all of them? Ice cream, strawberries, and Nutella?”
I just shake my head again, and Yoshi adjusts his glasses.
“I give up.”
We’re alone in an empty classroom. The last class just ended, and Yoshi is trying to cheer me up. It’s Friday, and I’ve spent the week dragging myself around school. I haven’t had the courage to tell anyone what happened, not even Dani. I’m so disappointed in myself. I don’t think I’m capable of talking about it yet.
“Come on, Rochi. Whatever happened, don’t let it bring you down. Fight,” he advises me, caressing my cheek.
“I don’t want to.”
“Let’s go get some ice cream. Give it a try, okay?” His pretty eyes plead with me from behind his glasses, and I can’t say no to him. He’s right. I can’t do anything to turn back time.
Yoshi extends his hand to me. “Shall we go?”
I smile at him and take his hand. “Let’s go.”
We buy ice cream and sit in the town square. It’s a beautiful day. Even though it’s after four o’clock, the sun is still shining as if it were noon.
“Remember when we used to come here every afternoon after elementary school?” Yoshi asks.
I smile at the memory. “Yeah, we became friends with the lady who sold candy.”
“And she gave us free ones.”
I laugh, remembering our cheeks filled with sweets. Yoshi laughs with me.
“That’s the way I like it. You look prettier smiling.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Are you admitting that I’m pretty?”
“More or less, maybe with a few drinks in me I would try to win you over.”
“Only with a few drinks? Nah!”
“What about Dani? I haven’t seen her at school,” he says as he eats a spoonful of ice cream.
“That’s because she’s missed two days. She’s helping her mother with a project at the agency.”
Dani’s mom runs a very prestigious modeling agency. She’s a total badass. She started her own business when Dani was a kid, and it has only grown since. Now her modeling agency is one of the most important in the state. Dani’s dad on the other hand is more of a relaxed and go-with-the-flow type. He’s a college professor in the art department at a nearby community college. I feel like Dani got a good combination of both her parents’ personalities. She’s fierce like her mom, but also empathetic and relaxed like her father.
Yoshi shakes his head. “It’s the first week of school, and she’s already missing classes, typical Dani.”
“It’s good that she’s smart and can catch up superfast.”
“Yeah.”
Licking my ice cream, I notice Yoshi staring at me as if waiting for something.
“Rochi, you know you can trust me?” he asks, and I know where this is going. “You don’t have to deal with things alone.”
I exhale sadly. “I know, it’s just . . . I’m so disappointed in myself, and I don’t want to disappoint anyone else.”
“You could never disappoint me.”
“Don’t be so sure.”