I feel like shit.
The physical discomfort is nothing compared to the feeling of disappointment that pierces my soul. I feel used, rejected, and unappreciated. It’s amazing what Ares can do to me with just a few words. Even though I know I did the right thing by kicking him out of my life, it doesn’t reduce the disappointment and dejection in my heart.
As unexpectedly as he appeared in my life, he’s gone.
The sun is peeking through my window, and I remember Ares disappearing through it as if it happened minutes ago, not hours. I can’t help but analyze every moment over and over again. My poor brain, guided by my heart, tries to look for gestures, expressions, any hidden words that give me hope that he wasn’t just playing with me, that he didn’t just use me, that he’s not an idiot.
During the time I’ve observed him, I’ve realized that his personality isn’t the greatest, but I didn’t expect him to have such a narrow perception of romance. He doesn’t want a relationship, and he thinks women are something to be used and discarded. I know that if I didn’t have such strong views about valuing myself as a woman, I would have fallen into his net. I would have given myself to him completely simply because I like him. I like everything about him. I have never in my life felt so attracted to someone. The things Ares makes me feel just by looking at me are overwhelming.
So I don’t blame the girls who have gone through with it and tried to change him. I would try, too, if I hadn’t experienced firsthand what my mother went through. That memory has always given me strength.
I sigh again, taking a sip of my coffee. I am so tired of being alone.
I want to have love, experience, fun. I want so many things. But I also want someone who respects me, who yearns to be with me, who wants to be with me. I don’t want to be anyone’s toy, no matter how much I might like him.
I lay my head against the edge of the bed and put my coffee cup to the side to watch the ceiling fan spin. It moves so slowly, blowing cool air over my face.
Without realizing it, I fall asleep.
A few hours later, Apolo finally wakes up, and leaves with his head down, mumbling a thousand apologies. I’ve come to realize how much Apolo fears and respects Ares, but most of all how tender and kind Apolo is. I like him a lot, and I hope that this situation, although bizarre, is the beginning of our friendship.
As I watch Apolo climb down the ladder outside my window, I can’t help but remember the moment that Ares left. His eyes had been fixed on me, as if waiting for me to change my mind and tell him to come back.
Ah! Get out of my head, Greek God.
I need to go back to sleep. I cover myself with my blanket and try to do just that.
THIRTEEN
The Incident
I consider myself a hard worker.
I help my mom, and I buy things for myself that she can’t give me. It’s not because she doesn’t want to, but simply because her nursing salary is barely enough to pay our rent, utilities, her car, and the necessities. We’re a team.
Today, however, I don’t want to go to work. I’ve thought of a hundred excuses, but the truth is that I need the money. Classes start on Monday, so these are my last days to work double shifts. When school starts, I’ll only be able to work during the evenings and weekends.
It’s been almost a week since I saw Ares. To be honest, I didn’t expect to miss him. How could I? We only saw each other a few times. But I think I miss stalking him too. It was a weird hobby that gave me an adrenaline rush and now it’s gone. I sigh, gather my things, and stuff them into my backpack. To say I’ve had a bad day is putting it mildly. I’ve been distracted and yawning constantly. My boss has already called me out three times, and we had to give a customer free fries because I mixed up his order.
I take off my Dream Burgers cap and put it in my locker. I consider changing my shirt, but I don’t even bother. I’m too lazy to walk to the bathroom, so I’ll do it when I get home.
“Bad day, huh?” Gabriel’s voice makes me jump, and I hit my shoulder with the locker door.
“Jesus! You scared me.”
“Sorry.” Gabriel takes off his cap, letting his reddish hair escape and allowing me to see his face better. He has that kind of soft face that would make you fall at his feet if he were to make eyes at you. “So, I’m curious. Any reason as to why you gave a milk shake to someone who ordered an ice cream?”
“Oh, you saw that?”
“Everyone saw it. You were like on another planet.” He opens his locker and takes out his things.
“It’s so embarrassing.”
“Relax, it’s happened to me too.” He gives me a meaningful look.
I look at him sadly. “Dani?”
“Yeah.” He stares into his locker, deep in thought. “She and I are from different worlds. I’m just the pretty boy who works at Dream Burgers to her, nothing more.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Relax. I knew it wouldn’t work, but I didn’t expect to care about her so quickly.”
Oh, believe me, I know about that. “I don’t know what to tell you, Gabo.”
“Tell me your story.”
“My story?”
“Why are you so distracted today?”
I close my locker and put on my backpack. “I-I cut a person out of my life a little while ago, he . . .” I remember Ares’s cold words. “He wasn’t what I expected.”
“Disappointment, huh? That hurts.”
“A lot.” I sling my backpack over my shoulder. “I have to go. Good night, Gabe.”
“Good evening, Raquel Milk shake.”
“Really?”
“It will be days before I forget about it.”
I gave him the finger, and he acts surprised. “Bye, silly.”
Walking home has never been as depressing as it is today. The sound of cars passing on the avenue is like white noise, and the orange glow of the street lamps illuminates the route precariously. It seems as if my surroundings have molded to my mood. It’s almost midnight, but I’m not worried because crime is low in this area and my house isn’t that far away.
However, due to laziness, I make a very bad decision.
I take a shortcut.
To get to my neighborhood faster, I decide to cross under a bridge to shorten the path. It’s dark and lonely under there, and I don’t take into account the men who rely on that darkness to get high or sell illegal substances. My feet freeze when I see three men under the bridge. With the darkness serving as camouflage, I don’t see them until I’m almost in front of them.
“Do you want something, pretty girl?” one of them asks. His voice is deep, and he coughs a little.
My heart speeds up, and my hands sweat. “No, I don’t. . . . No.”
“Did you get lost?”
“I … I took the w-wrong way,” I stutter, and one of them laughs.
“If you want to come through here, you have to give us something.”
I shake my head. “No, I’m going the other way.”
I’m about to turn and leave when my phone rings, breaking the silence. Frantically, I take it out of my pocket, silence the call, and put it away again, but it’s too late.
“Oh, that phone looks nice, don’t you think, John?”
“Yeah, that would be a good birthday present for my daughter.”
I try to run, but one of them grabs my arm, dragging me into the darkness under the bridge. I scream as loud as I can, but he covers my mouth and holds me by the hair, keeping me still.
“Shh! Easy, pretty girl. We’re not going to do anything to you, just give us the phone.”
Tears fill my eyes. The man smells of alcohol and other chemicals I don’t recognize.
“The phone. Now,” demands another one of them, but I can’t move. Fear has me paralyzed. I want to move my hand and take out my phone, but I can’t.
The third man emerges from the shadows. He has a cigarette clamped between his teeth and a scar on his face. “It’s in her pocket, hold her.”
No, don’t touch me!
I scream, but the sound is muted by the hands of the man holding me. The one with the scar approaches me and puts his hand in the pocket of my pants, licking his lips. I want to vomit.