“It’s hard to talk about, Nellie. Real hard.”
She spread flour over the tabletop, dumped the dough out while her heartbeat sounded like a hammer in her head. She was about to cry, and if she did, she didn’t think she’d be able to stop. She’d lose that careful control she’d kept hold of so well.
Cornelia said, “You can tell me. I won’t breathe a word. I can see how it causes you such pain.”
Rae Lynn sank into a chair. She buried her face into her arms, her hands still coated with flour. She heard Cornelia move away, but in seconds she was back, pressing a cool rag to the back of Rae Lynn’s neck. Bless Nellie. She was an awful good friend. They’d grown close in a short amount of time, and Rae Lynn had grown to depend on her calm manner, her ability to put her at ease, but she’d held on to this thing she’d done for so long, the thought of telling someone made her sick.
She mumbled into her arm. “I can’t never take back what I done.”
“What you done?” As she spoke, Cornelia flipped the cloth over, and the cool came down on Rae Lynn’s neck again, and Cornelia said, “It can’t be all that bad.”
Rae Lynn sat up and the cloth fell to the floor. She stared at the whorls in the wood of the tabletop and her voice trancelike, empty, she began telling Cornelia.
“After he fell, whatever was wrong, it was like he was dying from the inside out. Spitting up blood, black as that tar made out yonder in the distillery. Like I said, he wouldn’t let me fetch a doctor. He couldn’t get out of the bed. He was trapped in a living hell, and begged me for his gun. Said he wanted to kill himself. Then he asked me to do it, like he’d done for his old dog. I refused, so he quit eating and drinking. Nellie, he looked dead already, but still, he breathed. It was unnatural seeming, and I couldn’t stand seeing him suffer after days of this. I finally give him his pistol like he wanted, and I ran. I didn’t want to stay, only, I changed my mind. I thought I was horrible for leaving him in such a moment. I went back, heard the gun before I got in the house. I thought I would die myself, right there. Lordy, what he’d done to his self. He messed up bad. Gut shot. I reckon it’s where his pain was greatest. Worse, he was still alive. I don’t know how. Laying there, bleeding something awful. It was only a matter a time, but his agony was so great, I done like he asked. Like he was begging me to do. I . . . I . . . took that gun, and I held it here.”
She put the stub of her finger against her temple and stopped talking. She waited for judgment to come, for Cornelia to condemn her actions, for Cornelia to tell her she had to leave. She couldn’t look at her, didn’t want to see her friend’s horror. While she believed she had no choice, did it matter? Wasn’t she still a murderer? They should’ve let her die in that box. Cornelia’s silence was enough. Rae Lynn sighed, prepared to hear the disgust. She heard a rustle, felt the tip of a finger come under her chin.
Cornelia said, “Look at me.”
Rae Lynn did, eyes spilling over, her nose starting to run. She held herself in check, not wanting to sob.
“Now listen. You had call to do what you done. It was an act of compassion. Why, I could a killed Otis more than once, for no good reason other than he’s just plain mean. What you done couldn’t be helped.”
Rae Lynn felt a knot rise up in her throat. She couldn’t speak she was so grateful for the kindness of her friend. Cornelia’s face was close to hers and Rae Lynn clung to the hope she’d tell her more, tell her she’d have done that very same thing. Instead, Cornelia leaned in and pressed her mouth to Rae Lynn’s, an awkward move that lasted only a second because Rae Lynn jerked her head back and jumped up.
She yelled, “Nellie! What’re you doing?”
Cornelia put her hand over her mouth, her eyes as wide as they could go.
She said, “I don’t know! I . . .”
A thump came from behind them. Rae Lynn spun around and saw the broad back of Otis scurrying through the house, hands clenching his head like he thought it might come off. He ran outside. Alarmed, Cornelia gave Rae Lynn a terrified look before she ran after him.
“Otis!”
He’d seen Cornelia kiss her. He would kill her. That’s what he’d do. He’d kill her.
Otis was in the front yard, arms thrown wide, shouting at the sky. “I can’t believe it! What’s this world a coming to?”
He charged one way, then the other, hands back on his head, while Cornelia followed him as he stormed about the front yard. She tried to grab his arm, but he shoved her backward, and she barely caught herself from falling. A few coloreds stopped what they were doing and began to watch the commotion.
Otis paused in his tirade long enough to point at Rae Lynn, who was in the doorway of his house. His entire body shook as if afflicted with some illness.
“You ain’t right! You got to get the hell outta my house!”
Cornelia said, “Otis, calm down. Listen to me.”
He ignored her, his attention solely on Rae Lynn. “You . . . you . . .”
Meanwhile, more coloreds crowded doorways, while others stood in their yards, watching from afar. To make matters worse, Crow, the one person she never cared to see again, came toward them. Rae Lynn hurried over to stand with Cornelia, who’d given up trying to talk to Otis. When Rae Lynn approached her, Otis was like a bear and shoved her so hard, she fell to the ground. He stood over her, one beefy hand pressing down on the top of her head. She twisted to get away, but he gripped her hair, making her eyes water.
Wheezing, his color gone ruddy, he yelled at Crow, “Do you know what I caught her doing? Kissing my wife! I seen it with my own eyes.”
Saying it brought a renewed anger, and Rae Lynn heard her roots tearing as he clenched her hair. She put her hands over his in a futile attempt to loosen his grip.
She tried reasoning with him. “She didn’t mean nothing by it. It ain’t what you think.”
Otis yelled. “She! You’re the one come here dressed like a man, going round trying to act like one. Everything was fine till you got here.”
Rae Lynn let out a small scream.
Cornelia’s pleading voice broke through her pain. “Otis. Please. Don’t.”
Crow acted nonchalant about what was going on.
In a calm tone, he said, “Hell, it don’t surprise me none. I had that one pegged from the start. I knew she won’t right. Goes the other way, if you know what I mean.”
Cornelia tugged on Otis’s hand, trying to pry it off of Rae Lynn’s head, but he only yanked harder, making Rae Lynn cry out. Her scalp was on fire. Cornelia collapsed by her side, and Rae Lynn put her arm around her. At that, Otis let go of Rae Lynn’s hair and tried dragging Cornelia away. To his surprise, she bit him. He yelped and then struck her in the face, but he let them alone.
Crow said, “They have no shame. You gonna stand for such?” He goaded Otis. “Your wife, damn, she’s got to learn respect.”
Rae Lynn said, “Leave her alone. It’s my fault.”
Crow said, “Now, ain’t that a twist. She admits it. Hell, I got just the thing for this situation.”
Crow walked away and Rae Lynn bowed her head, shut her eyes, while Cornelia continued to try reasoning with Otis.
“Otis. Listen to me. He ain’t the boss of you, is he? You’re your own man.”
Otis ignored her, then he chuckled and said, “Hey, now, look a there.”
Rae Lynn opened her eyes. Crow came toward them carrying a bucket where tiny puffs of smoke rose from the top. She began trembling, felt like she was going to be sick. Dread filled her, and her hand tightened on Cornelia’s.
She whispered, “Cornelia.”
Otis said, “Don’t you talk to her!”
She tried to get up, but Otis slapped his hands on her shoulders and held her down. Rae Lynn shut her eyes.
Otis yelled at Crow, “Hurry it up!” then at Cornelia, “Move away from her!”