I’ve suffered those whiplash mood swings too. The type that makes me feel like I’m an emotional headcase and I’m going insane. “Yes,” I sniff, shucking out of her arms and sitting back against the headboard. “Yes to all that, but it’s also the bittersweet feeling that I’m moving on, and why do I feel so fucking guilty? I was the one who was betrayed. Reeve and I have been broken up for almost four months, so why am I wracked with guilt? Why does it feel like I’ve cheated on him?”
“Because you meant forever when you promised him that.” She sits beside me, tucking her petite legs into her chest. “If there’s one thing I remember from that time, it’s don’t try to find logic or make sense of everything you feel. You feel it for a reason. You’re justified in feeling it, and it’s all part of the bigger picture. It’s all part of healing.”
“I really hope you’re right because I’m done feeling like my emotions are playing ping-pong with my head and my heart.”
She turns to face me. “You had a good time with Dillon though, right?” Expectation lights up her pretty face.
A genuine smile crests over my lips. “I had the best time. It was awesome. Dillon was awesome.” I fill her in quickly on where we went and what we did, including the fact we kissed.
“Yes!” she exclaims, making a funny gesture with her arm. “Ro owes me twenty.”
I quirk a brow. “Do I want to know?”
“He said there was no way you’d get on the bike with Dil, but I knew you would, so we bet on it.” She nudges my shoulder, smiling. “Lunch is on me on Monday.”
“You’re lucky you won that bet.” I swipe at the dampness coating my cheeks. “Because it was definitely touch and go at the start.”
She repositions herself on my bed, sitting cross-legged. “I know you have a rebellious streak in you, Viv. It’s not obvious, unless you dig deep, but it’s there. You haven’t had a chance to let loose because of how you grew up and where you grew up, but you can be anyone you want to be here.” She touches my arm. “That’s the other reason I knew you were better suited to Dil and not Ro. He’ll help you embrace that inner part of yourself you’ve never explored.”
“Are you high right now?” I peer into her clear blue eyes.
She laughs before swinging her legs off the side of the bed. “Deny it all you want, but I know what I see.”
I roll my eyes because she’s clearly delusional. I don’t have a rebellious bone in my body.
“Ro will be here shortly to get the bus with me. Why don’t you come with us? You know Mum would love to see you. She was just asking me this week when you’re coming back for dinner.”
“Your mom is one of the sweetest, kindest people I’ve met, and I hate saying no, but I’ll just be a Debbie Downer if I come. I’d rather eat ice cream in my pajamas while watching back-to-back romantic movies.”
Sympathy splays across her face, and I know I don’t need to explain it. Ash understands in a way most girls our age wouldn’t. “Don’t be too charitable. I’m guessing she’s hoping you’ll call your mum again so she can talk to her one more time.”
I grin despite my present heartache. “I have it on good authority that she’s about to receive a special care package from L.A. this week.”
“Get out!” Ash’s eyes widen.
“Don’t breathe a word. Mom wants it to be a surprise.”
She bounces on the bed, jostling the mattress. “What is it?”
“A bunch of DVDs, some signed promo shit, and Mom included some local L.A. produce. Candles, candy, skincare stuff, and God knows what else. Knowing Mom, she went to town.” Mom is delighted Ash’s family have taken me under their wing. I think it helps to reassure her knowing there is a mother figure in my life when I’m so far away.
“Oh my God. Mum is going to go crazy when that arrives.” She gives me another hug. “Thank you! And thank your mum from me.”
“You can thank her in July. My parents are flying over for a week in between work commitments. We’re planning on going to Cork and Kerry, and Mom said to ask you to come.”
“I would love to, provided I can get the time off work. I usually work longer hours during summer break.” She chews on the corner of her lip. “Do you think she’d have time to drop into my house? I think Mum would about die if she got to meet her in the flesh.”
“Mom has a pretty hectic schedule planned, but why don’t we get your mom over here for lunch the day they arrive?”
“That’s a brilliant idea. Message me the date, and I’ll make it happen. It’s a pity they aren’t coming in June. They could’ve come to Shane and Fiona’s wedding with you.” I was pleasantly surprised to receive a wedding invite last week. I can’t wait to experience an Irish wedding; I’ve heard they can be pretty wild. Ash said the hotel they are getting married at is in County Wexford and it’s gorgeous.
Ash glances at her cell, hopping up. “Shit. I need to get a move on, or I’ll miss the bus. Are you sure you don’t want to come?”
“Positive. Tell everyone I said hi.” I grab my purse from my bedside table, rummaging through the contents. “Hang on a sec,” I call out. Finding my keys, I throw them to her. “Take my rental. Mom’s assistant got you added to the insurance. Just don’t wreck it. I know Dil isn’t the only O’Donoghue with a reckless streak.”
She squeals, racing across the room and yanking me into a fierce hug.
“Can’t breathe,” I croak, only half-joking.
“You are the most thoughtful, generous person I know. How did you even manage this?” She takes pity on me, letting me go.
“I snuck a copy of your driver’s license and sent it Moira. She did the rest.”
“Seriously, thank you for organizing this. It sure beats the smelly bus.”
After Ash leaves, I take a long soak in the tub, trying to quiet my hyperactive mind, but it’s no use. I wish I was the kind of girl who took everything in stride. But I’m the kind to overthink everything, and I just want it to stop.
I like Dillon.
A lot.
Even more so after yesterday.
He opened up to me, and I saw a different side to him. A side I want to explore. Yet I’m freaking terrified too. Terrified of getting my heart trampled on again. He’s a moody prick at times, and I have no experience dealing with that. I get the sense he’s hiding something, and that concerns me. What if I place my trust in him and he lets me down too?
“Ugh.” I scrub my hands down my face before dunking my head under the water. When I come up for air, I’m still stewing over everything. Are my fears founded? Or am I letting the past cloud my perspective? Is this what I’m going to be like with every new relationship going forward? Will I doubt every guy because Reeve betrayed my trust? Will I think every guy is hiding something from me if he doesn’t immediately open his heart and spill every vulnerable secret? Is that in any way fair to the guy?
My brain churns these thoughts, over and over, round and round in circles, and I get out of the cold bath, shivering and annoyed at my inability to just go with the flow. As I dry myself, I decide it’s not fair to hold Reeve’s sins and my past over Dillon’s head. I’ve got to give him the benefit of the doubt unless he does something, or says something, that justifies concern. It doesn’t mean I have to trust him out of the gate. No one should be trusted until they’ve proven themselves, but that doesn’t mean I should automatically distrust every guy I meet either.
Wearing fresh pajamas, with my damp hair in a messy topknot, I’m scrolling through the movie options on my TV when the doorbell chimes. I pad along the hallway in my bare feet, startled to see Dillon’s gorgeous face staring back at me through the peephole. He sticks his tongue out, and I’m smiling as I open the door. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m hoping you’re up for some company,” he says, lifting the plastic bag in his hand. “I come bearing gifts. Ice cream, chocolate, and wine.” He waggles his brows, piercing me with that infamous cocky grin.
My heart melts a little, and tears prick the backs of my eyes. Fuck, I’m a hot mess these days, and I’ve got to get a grip.
“Hey.” The grin slides off his mouth as he steps closer. “Don’t be upset.”
Acting on instinct, I fling my arms around him, hugging him tight. “I’m happy you’re here.”