It wasn’t the first time, nor would it be the last, of me disappointing him. He learned to hide it more now that he was older, but I knew he wished I was home on the weekends.
No matter what I did, what choices I made, I always lost. If I only worked one job, we’d be homeless. If I worked two jobs, we’d be back sharing a one-bedroom apartment. If I worked three jobs, I could finally provide my child with a home, but at the cost of our time together.
Sometimes I wondered if the person who first said money can’t buy happiness ever knew what it was like to be poor. To struggle. Did he or she ever have to take a calculator to the store just to find a way to afford a month of groceries?
Inspirational quotes weren’t made for those of us living near the bottom. They were made for people at the top to feel better about their privileges. To tease us bottom dwellers that if we tried harder, reached farther, or if we just learned to appreciate what we currently have and not what we could have, we could be just as happy and content as them.
It was bullshit wrapped in fancy words and a flowery background to overpower the stench. The world wasn’t made for us losers to win. The best we could do was simply finish the game unscathed.
Chapter Seven
I’d lost my mind. I stood in front of my mirror, staring down at my body. A gray button down tucked into black slacks, and a giant, gaudy security badge stared back at me. I’d even been given a flashlight and pepper spray to attach to my belt. Freaking pepper spray.
The only thing that made me feel the slightest bit better was even though I may have been stupid enough to accept this job, Jim Grayson was even more stupid for asking me. Nothing against female guards, women could rock any damn thing they set their mind to. I just wasn’t one of those women.
Throwing a sweater over my uniform, I snatched the scuffed, black shoes I’d worn the night before and stumbled out of my room. Saturday morning was the only day during the week I got to sleep in, but due to this training shift, I’d only been able to steal four measly hours. Taking this shift had me questioning all my life choices.
Thankfully, there’d been zero moaning sounds through my bedroom wall, so I’d at least been able to crash in my own room. They’d either already finished their business by the time I fell face first onto my mattress, or they were especially good at keeping quiet. Even still, I was feeling grumpy.
I made a pit stop at Jamie’s door, cracking it open and peering inside, “Psst, Jamie.” I rapped my knuckles lightly on the wood, “Morning, rise and shine.” Sheets rustled, and I could make out the lump of his body twisting on the bed. He mumbled an incoherent sentence.
“Sorry, bud, I have work today. Up and at ’em if you want breakfast.” A muffled groan was the only reply. Good enough. I shut his door as quietly as I could, trying not to rile Sadie in the next room.
Layla was still crashed and would be for several more hours. She was meeting some guy today to play music with. She’d run into him at a coffee shop in town, and they’d hit it off after discovering their shared love for Martin guitars.
Part of me was apprehensive about her meeting up with someone we didn’t know, but the other part of me was happy for her. I’d been worrying lately that she was going to regret coming to live here, but if she started dating, she’d hopefully put down a few roots and make a home here as well.
A scratching noise caught my attention, and I glanced to the right to see Rugsy dancing in front of the patio door, whining. “I know, I’m coming.”
Dropping my shoes, I put my body weight on the door, shoving it open as far as I could, hissing when the frigid morning air battered against me. “Make it quick, sausage roll, it’s freezing out here.”
I left her to do her business, sliding my socked feet across the kitchen floor and aiming for the coffee pot. There were a lot of things I’d given up over the years to save money, but coffee would never be one of them. I’d shank a bitch if someone tried to take away my caffeine.
I hummed a random children’s song to myself and scooped in the butterscotch-flavored grounds. I was filling up the water reserve when I heard the patio door shifting and creaking and stepped back, looking over the bar to see Jamie. “You got it shut all the way?”
“Yeah.” He rubbed his eyes, readjusting his crooked pajama pants and stomping his big feet into the kitchen. I wasn’t any happier about being awake on a typical day off than he was, so I decided to give him a free ride on the sassy train.
Tossing some bagels in the toaster, I began mixing up a big glass of chocolate milk to help pump up his mood. “Layla won’t be home, so you’ll be staying the night at grandma and grandpa’s tonight.”
He dropped into a chair, crossing his arms over the table and laying his head on them. “I know, she told me.”
I offered up a small smile, hoping he wasn’t too mad about me and her both being gone on our hangout day. “This won’t happen often, I promise. I just have to go in for training today.”
The bagels sprang up, and I plucked them out, tossing them on the counter and sticking my semi-burnt fingers in my mouth. “You’ll have fun, and I’ll try to swing by and see you before I head out tonight.”
He nodded over his arms but said nothing, and the guilt that had eaten me up last night hit me again like a speeding bulldozer. I swallowed it down, putting a smile on my face and telling myself I was doing the right thing.
I handed him the chocolate milk and an apple, the guilt I felt thicker than the topping for his bagel. “Regular cream cheese or strawberry?”
A half hour later, I herded him out the door, amazed we’d managed to walk out on time. We’d both lazed about, daydreaming about our pillows rather than actively getting ready.
We each zipped up our jackets and walked out front. Technically we had a one-car garage, but the door sounded like a herd of stampeding dinosaurs, and I was scared of it breaking and trapping my vehicle inside, so we didn’t use it.
“—so nice. I wish you’d come out more often, you don’t have to stay home all the time.”
My head swiveled to the side at the sound of a woman’s voice. Jamie and I paused mid-walk, looking at the three individuals also walking out of the house next door.
Garrett wore gray sweatpants that hung off his hips in a way that felt indecent, and a black tank that showed off every ripple of muscle all the way to his shoulders. It was unfair how attractive he was without even trying.
His hair was tousled like he’d just rolled out of every straight woman’s wet dream, and when my wandering gaze finally made it to his face, those hazel eyes were fixed on me.
I’d been right, the vehicle belonged to the woman from last night. She stood next to him in the same clothes she’d worn the night before. Normally, that would’ve indicated they’d had a one-night stand, but the third individual threw me off.
He was older than Garrett, maybe around his early fifties. He had what society would label a “dad bod” with a salt-and-peppered beard and matching hair that was pulled back in a ponytail. He stood with a similar air to Garrett and had his arm wrapped around the woman’s shoulders.
Had they all spent the night together? My eyes widened of their own accord. I hadn’t heard a damn thing, and the wheels of my mind were working overtime. How did one have a threesome quietly?
Ignoring Garrett’s continued stare, and the now two extra sets of eyes on us, I opened the passenger door, setting my purse and Jamie’s overnight bag on the seat.
“Are you heading to work?”
The deep, gravelly voice slid up my spine, stopping at the base of my neck. I turned to find him a few steps closer, arms crossed over his chest, glowering at my slacks and work shoes with such intensity that I subconsciously stepped back.