After Minka and Akiko arrived, we made a trip into Poole to Marks & Spencer, Boots, and half a dozen other places to get supplies to make the house livable. Food, firewood, wine, office supplies, extra sweaters and socks—we piled the back of the cars as full as we dared. We swept the dead beetles and mummified mice out of the kitchen and mopped the floor until our feet stopped sticking to it. Helen had unearthed a few rolls of clearance holiday wrapping paper in the back of a pound store and we thumbtacked long sheets of it over the crumbling wallpaper, giving us a clean surface to write on. Natalie heated up the chicken and leek pies we’d bought while Mary Alice made a salad, and the six of us ate, more to fuel ourselves than out of any real enjoyment. After Minka headed off to play a video game and Akiko went upstairs with Kevin—still hungover from his travel tranquilizers—Helen opened a set of markers also from the pound store. They were Barbie knock-offs in violent, sparkling rainbow shades. She made neat lists under each of our names detailing what we were responsible for researching or securing, reading aloud as she wrote.
“Akiko and Minka, maintaining home base and comms,” she said, ticking off home base and comms from the list. Nat and Mary Alice scooped ice cream for our dessert.
“Are you writing things down just to check them off?” I asked.
She shrugged. “We can’t leave anything to chance. Besides, it makes me feel productive to cross things off. After Kenneth died, there were days I wrote get out of bed in my planner just to be able to feel like I’d accomplished something.”
She stepped back and we surveyed her work. Mary Alice and Nat left the ice cream and came to join us. The entire plan was there in shimmering hot pink ink.
“It looks like a My Little Pony murder plot,” Mary Alice said. “Jesus, is that glitter?”
“I like it,” Natalie said loyally.
“I find it hard to take us seriously as agents of vengeance when our plan looks like a kindergarten craft project.”
Helen capped the marker and held it out. “If you would like to take over, Mary Alice, be my guest,” she said.
“We’re tired and jet-lagged,” I said, taking the marker from Helen. “We’re going to sit and eat ice cream and drink wine and see if we can find any holes in this,” I said, pointing to the notes under Günther Paar’s name. It was thick with detail, while the section under the heading thierry carapaz was less comprehensive. Under Vance Gilchrist’s name there was a wide expanse of white.
“What’s that?” Mary Alice asked, peering at the emptiness.
“That blank space represents what we don’t know yet. We’ll get there.”
The ice cream helped settle everybody’s mood, but the wine did the heavy lifting. By the time we’d finished off two bottles of extremely bad Rioja, we were feeling much chummier.
“God, this wine is terrible,” Helen said, pouring out the last of it. She upended the bottle, looking for any stray drops.
“It’s getting the job done,” I told her.
Natalie took the bottle and looked at the label. “Monos Muertos. What does that mean?”
“Dead Monkeys,” I answered, pushing my glass away. “We’ve been drinking dead monkey wine.”
Natalie shrieked and dropped the bottle.
“It’s not made from dead monkeys,” Mary Alice said. “It’s a marketing gimmick.”
“It’s nasty,” Natalie answered.
“Not as nasty as that bathroom upstairs,” I said. “We’ll need to get that sorted out so we can at least shower without worrying about tetanus or Lyme or rabies.”
“None of which they have in the British Isles,” Helen said. She sighed. “I know the house is a shambles and it’s freezing and I’m ninety percent sure there’s a dead rat under my bed upstairs, but I am still glad we came back. I’ve missed this place.”
We looked around the kitchen. When Natalie had been looking for plates, she’d found a stash of jam jars and stuck candles in a dozen of them. She’d clustered them on the mantelpiece, next to an aggressively ugly cuckoo clock, a china shepherdess with most of her fingers broken off so she was flipping the bird, and a basket of dingy wool balls stuck with a pair of vicious-looking knitting needles. But the candlelight had softened the cracked walls and the dirty windows and the fire Mary Alice had kindled in the fireplace had warmed the room and made it seem almost cozy.
Draining the last of her wine, Helen grabbed a fresh marker from the pack—a juicy green that smelled like watermelon—and went back to the wall. problems, she lettered neatly.
We worked through the night, going over the plan and back again. Günther, blessedly, was a creature of habit. He always did a post-holiday detox at his favorite health spa. A few clicks around their website and we had all the information we needed, including a map of the property and a smiling photo of the spa staff in plain black scrubs—austere and businesslike.
By the time dawn worked its grey light through the kitchen windows, we were finished. The details had been plotted out on the murder wall, as Natalie had taken to calling it. We stepped back and surveyed it, plugging various holes and running the plan backwards and forwards until it was smooth as butter in a Texas summer.
“Holy shit,” Mary Alice said, eyes skimming the wall. “I think it’s going to work.”
“Damned straight.” I grinned at her.
“We just have to decide who’s running point,” Natalie said.
Mary Alice raised her hand. “Me.”
She had her stubborn face on and I understood why. If she could get out there and do something about the situation we were in, it would go a long way towards making her feel like she was getting her life back.
We all nodded agreement and she went on. “Helen, we’ll need a second pair of hands—”
“I’ll do it.” I cut Mary Alice off quickly.
Natalie spoke up. “I think that should be up to Helen.”
“I don’t. I said I’ll do it,” I countered.
“Jesus, what did you have for breakfast? A bowl of Honey Bunches of Bitch?” Natalie grumped.
Helen put a hand to her arm. “It’s fine. If Billie wants it, she should do it.”
“I do.” Nobody argued. I wasn’t about to rat Helen out for losing her nerve in Jackson Square, but I wasn’t willing to gamble the success of this mission either. She could take a back seat until she’d proved herself.
Our plan meant another errand run and a fair bit of preparation. I started with the jar I’d unearthed in the garden shed—an old glass carboy that somebody must have kept for brewing cider or storing wine. I scrubbed it out with a long-handled brush and snapped on a pair of vinyl gloves. I filled the carboy with water from the outside tap and opened a fresh pack of cigarettes, breaking off the filters. I used a knife to slit each of the cigarettes, carefully emptying the tobacco into the jar, watching the brown flakes swirl into the water. It was oddly relaxing, disemboweling each cigarette into the carboy. A few of the hardier birds were singing and the winter sunshine was the color of a pale lemon. I might have even whistled a few bars of “American Pie” as I gave the sludge in the jar a good shake and covered it. I set it in a bright patch on the step like I was making sun tea. I would bring it in at sundown and set it on the back of the stove to keep it warm, steeping it as carefully as the best top-leaf Earl Grey.
I went back into the kitchen, stamping my feet and blowing on my fingers, to find Helen making a series of phone calls.
“What are you doing?” I whispered.
“We tried to make a booking online, but the spa is full,” she muttered.
I opened my mouth but she made a shushing motion at me as someone apparently picked up the phone on the other end. “Yes, is that the Spa at Courtempierre-les-Bains?” Helen had adopted a cut-glass English accent, deliberately mispronouncing the French in a way that only British aristocrats can get away with. “This is Lady Henrietta Ridley and I am ringing to see why I haven’t yet received a confirmation email of my booking. Ridley. Ridddddddley,” she said, drawing out the syllable in apparent annoyance. “What? Of course I am certain. My assistant, Cassandra, made the booking last week. For all I know, you are the person with whom she spoke. Now, kindly confirm my booking.”
There was a faint series of squawks from the phone, and Helen cut in sharply. “My good man, do not make excuses. The booking is for four ladies, myself and three companions. We wish to take the waters and perhaps a little light massage, but that is all. We will be coming to rest. I presume you can accommodate that?” More squawks. “I realize it is a busy time of year, but it is hardly my fault that you have lost the booking. By all means, yes. Put me on hold,” she finished acidly.