Go Hex Yourself

My jaw drops and I gasp. “What the fuck?”

“I mean, to be fair, I was trying to curse him.” She shrugs.

My jaw drops again.

“But he did try to have my sister burned at the stake,” she continues. “So I can’t say he didn’t deserve it.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “Dru, what the hell?”

“Ancient Rome, darling. It was a very rowdy sort of place compared to now. All a girl had was some witchcraft to defend herself.” She strokes the tablet again. “People pay you to cast curses with one hand, and then burn you as a witch with the other. So fickle. But at least back then we were needed. Now I mostly cast just to entertain myself.” She looks up at me. “It’s a dying art, witchcraft.”

I think about Ben. “Your nephew casts for investors, doesn’t he?”

Dru nods. “He does, but for me, it’s just not as fun. I’d much rather have a good, meaty curse on someone to sink my teeth into rather than tooting around in the bull market.”

“Bull market?”

She blinks at me. “Bear market?”

“Stock market?”

“Whatever you want to call it.” She taps the blank tablet. “Okay. So, we have our tablet here. Lisa really was the best at making tablets, you know.” Her expression grows wistful. “One of the best, really.”

It seems less like Dru wants to cast magic and more like she just wants to talk. Her mood seems sad tonight. “How many familiars have you had?”

She lifts her chin, thinking, and then shrugs. “More than I can count. The good ones go on to practice magic on their own, like my Caliban, but the bad ones flit in and out of your life quickly. Most apprentices don’t last nearly as long as you want them to. Some get married, some have babies. Some just aren’t up to being a power conduit.”

I think about how I passed out that one time. “I’m your power conduit?”

Dru nods. “Some spells don’t work with offerings. They require something a little more intense. With some spells—like the scrying one—you are asking the gods to show you something. With a power conduit, you’re trying to imbue that power permanently onto an object, and it takes a lot more out of you.” She reaches over and pats my arm. “And by ‘taking a lot out of you,’ I mean you specifically. Most familiars serve to channel their energy to their master so the master can cast the big spells, and in exchange, the master teaches the familiar.”

“So I’m your battery.”

“Yes. I’m afraid I don’t have the energy I used to. I’m getting old.” Her expression grows melancholy again. “My days are numbered.”

“Don’t talk like that,” I tell her. “You’re probably going to be casting curses and scrying long after we’re all dead and gone.”

Her expression brightens. “I can show you how to scry after this. We can have a one-two punch. Unless you already figured that one out on your own?”

Dru’s face is completely innocent, but that’s the second time she’s brought up scrying, and I wonder if she knows I gave it a try. Oh god, I wonder if she knows I was creeping on her hot nephew? Or did he tell her? My face burns. “Let’s just stick with the curse tablet for now.”

“All right, then. Let me show you how this works,” Dru says, gesturing for me to lean in. “Pay close attention.”





19





REGGIE


For the next week, my life revolves around naps.

Now that Dru has decided that I’m going to be her familiar in all ways, she’s not holding back on the spellcasting. It means there’s a lot for me to learn, since this is all new. It also means a lot of naps, since Dru is always imbuing objects and making potions to help out those around her. We curse Livia’s dog to avoid cats. We create a fertility potion for Dru’s driver’s daughter, who is struggling to get pregnant. A small business that Dru likes is in danger of going under, so we cast two days’ worth of luck spells to try to bring business in to them.

“I don’t like taking money for witchcraft,” Dru tells me. “I did for a time, but there’s just something so dirty about it. I can’t shrug it off like Caliban does. I only cast when I want to help someone. It’s far more fulfilling.”

Judging by how much we’ve cast in this last week, Dru wants to help everyone. There’s the grocer at the store who mentions having trouble paying the rent, so Dru casts a financial-windfall spell. There’s the pizza guy that has car trouble. There’s the book club at the library that hasn’t had as many attendees as of late.

And I’m the battery for all of them.

I know some of it is because Dru’s trying to teach me, but each spell sucks the energy right out of my system. I spend most of every afternoon asleep, with Maurice curled at my side. Nights are for Dru’s spellcasting, which means I have mornings to work on the library or to run errands. I have lunch with Penny twice, just because she’s such fun to be around.

Well, most of the time. The last time we had lunch, Penny touched my hand and gave me a worried look. “If no one has told you, remember to stay away from Caliban Magnus. He’s bad news.”

“How is he bad?” I asked.

Penny didn’t have anything concrete, of course. “I’ve heard he eats bats and drinks blood, but he’s a warlock, so that’s not entirely weird? It just means he’s casting a spell or two. Either that, or someone mixed him up with Ozzy Osbourne.” She shrugged. “Lots of rumors and whispers. I’m trying to get specifics, but a lot of people won’t tell me anything, because I’ve never been a familiar.” She twisted her trainee cuff. “Just be on your guard, Reggie. There’s a whole lot going on in warlock and witch society that you and I aren’t privy to.”

The week passes quickly, though, and I’m surprised to receive my paycheck on Friday morning. My first paycheck.

It’s enormous. It’s five figures, all of them before the decimal.

I might have cried a little. I might have also bought pizza and a box of Spellcraft: The Magicking cards and brought them over to Nick’s to celebrate.

He pauses as I appear on his doorstep, his eyes wide. “Reggie! Cards isn’t until tonight!”

“I know,” I tell him. “I can’t make it. Dru needs me tonight.” Apparently she wants to work another spell involving the evil eye (I didn’t ask). “Next week?”

Nick looks disappointed. “All right. I guess I’ll see if Diego wants to go out or something.” He wrinkles his nose at the pizza. “You know this isn’t healthy, right?”

“It has mushrooms.”

“Still not healthy.”

“And olives. And tomato sauce. It’s practically a salad, really.”

Nick just shakes his head at me. “You’re insane, you know that?”

I just breeze inside, grinning. I set the pizza down on the counter, opening it up and taking a slice. “You’ll work it off. So how’s things?” I glance around the apartment. It’s a little messy, which makes me twitch, but I also notice a few things that aren’t Nick’s. There’s a mug on the counter with an air-force logo on it, plus a big khaki-green bag hanging from a hook by the door. There’s a Vitamix by the fridge, along with a couple of containers of protein powder, which I know Nick abhors. Even though I already know the answer, I ask, “Diego been around much?”

“Most nights,” Nick admits, picking a mushroom off the pizza and eating it. “If this works out for you long-term, we might . . . move in together.”

I can’t believe they talked about it already and it’s only been two weeks. I fight back my wounded feelings and pull out the check I wrote earlier. “Speaking of roommates—ta-da!”

His eyes widen. “Oh, shit, Reg. You really are going to pay me rent?”

“I really am,” I retort, stung. Did he think I wouldn’t? “Just because I had to move out quickly for this job doesn’t mean I want to screw you over.”

“It’s been two weeks now?” Nick asks, grinning as he tucks the check into his pocket. “That’s amazing. I’m so proud of you. Are you resisting the urge to reorganize the entire house?”