Maybe it could be a perfect, raging storm.
With all of this anger and worry churning around inside of me, the thought that I could take it out on him sounds sublime. That we could come together in a violent flare where I didn’t hold back. Where I wouldn’t have to be the perfect, most beautiful seductress. But that I could take instead of give, make him work to give me pleasure. He’s the only man I think could handle the real me like that, and that’s why I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s not a client.
“What’s your plan?” he asks, yanking me out of my wanton thoughts. “When we get to Fourth Kingdom.”
“To go away,” I say quickly, because I need to keep that goal in mind. I can’t let him or anyone else deter me from my plans. “I’m going to get the gold Auren promised me, and then I’ll leave for the first ship I can afford, to the farthest city I can go. Maybe to the deserts of Second Kingdom, since it’s about as opposite of Fifth Kingdom as I can get.”
He nods. “What will you do then?”
“I’ll do whatever I like. I’ll do nothing at all.”
“You don’t want to be a saddle anymore?”
My eyes tighten. “No.”
There’s a lull between us for a second where all I hear is the spitting fire and the gulp of wine as he takes another drink. “You could stay.”
I frown over at him. “What?”
“In Fourth Kingdom. You could stay.”
“Why would I stay there?”
“It only snows near the border at the mountains, so you wouldn’t have that in the capital. Plus, I’ll be there. So will Gildy.”
“And you think those are incentives?” I ask sharply.
He only shrugs. “Could be. If you let them be.”
I open my mouth to make some rude retort, but for some reason, I stop and shake my head. “You pointed out yourself that I’ve blackmailed and used Auren. Why would you even suggest I stay?”
“Seems to me you got one woman who you’re bending over backwards for who wants nothing to do with you...and another woman who’s done nothing but try to be there for you, who you’re happy to step on. Just thought you could consider another way.”
Anger is my natural, knee-jerk response, but this time, it simmers beneath a surface of sadness. This sad feeling is like a slap to the face, startling me so much that I’m horrified when I feel my eyes burning, and not from exhaustion, but from emotion.
I try to tamp it down, try to swallow it away, because I detest crying.
“Hey.”
Turning my face, I refuse to look at him, hating how vulnerable I suddenly feel. But of course, the barbarian can’t let it lie. I feel him vividly as he stands before me, and then his finger and thumb are gripping my chin, turning my face up to look at him. He’s got a deep frown, muddy brown eyes caught in a perpetual glower. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Bullshit. What’s wrong?”
I should jerk my head out of his hold. I should stand up and shove him away. But instead, I find myself leaning into his touch, find a tear tracking down my cheek that he thumbs away. The touch leaves behind a streak of tingles, as if I’m some innocent maiden. Ridiculous.
“It won’t matter if I leave,” I say, my voice sounding far too fragile for my liking. What is it about this man that leaves me so upside-down?
Somehow, his glowering eyes soften. I didn’t even know he was capable of such a look, or why he’s giving it to me.
“It would matter to me, Yellow Bell.”
I swallow hard. “Why?”
Why would you care? Why do I keep watching you? Why are you trying to help me? Why does my heart quicken every time you’re near?
“I like your peppery attitude,” he says with a smirk. “I’ve always enjoyed a little bite.”
The vision of him biting me, peppering nibbles along my flesh, suddenly flashes through my mind in a far too realistic vision.
“I have a plan, and you’re not in it,” I say as I finally gain the strength to pull away and get to my feet. Of course, he doesn’t back away, doesn’t give me space. Now, with both of us standing, he’s so close that his body brushes against mine, my head tilting back because of how ridiculously tall he is. Despite the thick coat I have on me, I can feel the heat burning from him to me.
“Change your plan,” he murmurs, eyes dropping down to my lips.
My breath catches, but I shove it away and pull up a sneer. “Men just want to conquer. I’m not playing hard to get so that you work extra hard. I don’t want you, Captain.”
Instead of getting pissed off, he gives me a crooked smile that nearly curls my toes. “You don’t want me?”
I sniff and lift my chin. “That’s right.”
“So then...you don’t sit awake in your pallet at night, thinking about arguing with me just enough to get our blood heated, and then wrapping those long legs of yours around my hips and fucking me till you see stars?”
My pulse quickens. Everything he said becomes vivid pictures in my head, making my core throb.
I can’t deny it. I can’t, because I’m breathing way too hard and I know I’m blushing, and I realize that all of a sudden, I don’t want to deny it.
How the hell did I crumble so quickly?
Then, I do the stupidest thing I have ever done.
I lean up and kiss him.
I dive into his mouth like it’s holding the nectar of the Divine. He’s so shocked at first that he does nothing, but then his huge hands come to my waist, making it feel smaller than it is. His hairy beard scratches my cheeks, but instead of it being irritating or gross, it scrapes my fevered skin in this primal way that somehow makes me like it even more. I nip his piercing, lick his tongue, kiss him in a way I haven’t ever kissed anyone before.
Because this isn’t for my job. This isn’t for coin. I’m not trying to seduce or put on a show. I’m just kissing him because I wanted to know...wanted to see.
I yank away, panting, eyes wide, wondering how the hell I could be so stupid. “That was a mistake,” I sputter out.
He laughs. Doesn’t let go of my waist. Keeps holding me there in a far softer touch than I ever would’ve expected from him. It makes me wonder what kind of lover he really is. If he’s the rough or the gentle.
“That was a damn good mistake. We should do it again sometime.”
Pulling away, I start to stumble over the bucket in my haste, but he easily catches my arm before I can fall.
“Leaving the fire so soon?” he calls, his rough voice somehow teasing.
“I’m hot enough.”
He laughs. I blush harder.
As I scurry away through the snow, inwardly kicking myself, he says, “When you’re ready for another mistake, you know where my tent is. Right next to yours.”
Stupid lout of a man.
Stupid me.
When I rush back to my tent, when I topple onto my own pallet and press my hands to my cheeks, my lips are still tingling. My heart still racing. My core still throbbing.
That was a stupid, horrible, ridiculous mistake.
And yet, all I can think is, we should do it again sometime.
CHAPTER 20
AUREN
The Grotto’s cave holds more secret crevices than I first realized.
Because here we are, inside of one, in what Judd fondly calls the Teeth. Judd and I squeezed through a serrated fissure from the main cave’s walls, and after a short, albeit very claustrophobic passage, it opened up into a new room—the place where the Wrath come to train.
It’s not overly large, but it has plenty of space, and the veins of fluorescence that run through the walls and ceiling are so abundant in here that the entire area glows. The ground has been covered with thick layers of half-frozen hay that crunches beneath my shoes, and there are three wooden chests stacked off to the side that Judd told me hold practice weapons.
I’m not allowed to use those yet.
When we first got here, he’d grinned, turning in a circle with his arms up, his normally yellow hair turned luminous blue, right along with his tanned skin and the army leathers hugging his lean body. “Welcome to the Teeth—the mouth of the mountain where you’re going to get chewed up and spat out.”