Men promise, Xiala. But you are the fool who believed.
The roar in her head was deafening, her fear morphing into rage. Her Song beckoned, begged her to act. She would howl a Song of rage, of betrayal. She would shake the heavens. She would make them both pay.
* * *
“Wake up, Xiala.” A hand on her shoulder, shaking her loose from the past. Iktan dropped to a crouch in front of the fire and handed her a bowl. “Ziha’s gone to town. I brought you your broth.”
She exhaled, tried to gather herself. The memory so long suppressed now felt fresh. It shivered through her like she was fifteen again, lost and alone. And guilty of the greatest crime known to her people.
“I killed someone once with my Song,” she whispered.
Iktan gave her a half-smile. “Only one?”
“Please.” She sighed, tracing a finger around the edge of the bowl. “Do not make fun of it.”
Iktan raised xir hands in forbearance. “I am a cynical being, Xiala. It is good that you are not. Do you want to tell me about it?”
“No. Yes.” She scraped her hands over her face in frustration. “It is the reason I cannot go home.”
“Ah.” Iktan dropped to sitting, hands folded, patient. “So someone important to you. Someone you loved.”
She nodded, the shame welling up to stick in her throat.
“Who was it?”
She could not meet Iktan’s eyes when she said it. “My mother.”
She told xir the meat of it. The foolishness of first love, the promises, the betrayal.
“I was so angry to find them together, to know the depth of my naivete. I lashed out. I wanted to hurt them. To hurt her.”
“And so you did.”
“But it wasn’t supposed to be possible. Women are immune to our Song.”
“But your mother was not?”
She pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “There was so much blood. I’m not even sure what happened after that. I just remember the blood, and the screams… and the bodies. And my aunt was there, a curse on her lips, and I ran. But where is there to run on an island except into the sea?”
“And one cannot run from such guilt.”
“I tried. I became a captain, the thing I had wanted most. I commanded men, I sailed the Crescent Sea. I told myself as long as I used my Song only to soothe, only to defend and not to attack, that it was okay. That I was okay. But then the day of the Convergence, I used it to try to clear my path, and people died.”
“You did not mean for them to die.”
“Does it matter?” She rested her head on her knees. “They were in my way, and I wanted them gone. I did not think of the consequences. So when those men threatened me today, all I could think about was the people I killed before. What if I accidentally killed them when I only meant to defend myself? What if others in the camp or the town heard my Song and it killed them, too? What if there is no safe way to Sing, and this is why the Teek stay hidden?”
“I do not believe the Teek hide themselves away because they fear the power of their Song. From what you told me, your mother seemed perfectly willing to feed your onetime lover to the sharks. I imagine it is their independence they protect after the War of the Spear, and so they keep themselves separate from all of the Meridian.”
“I don’t know.” She closed her eyes. “I feel so lost so far from the sea. Even away from Teek, I always had her, my true Mother. And now I have nothing.”
Shouting from outside the tent broke her reverie, and Ziha came striding through the entrance.
“Good, you are both here.” Her voice was clipped and her eyes wild, like an animal caught in a trap. “Xiala, are you well enough to travel to town?”
“What’s wrong?” Iktan asked.
Ziha hesitated, just a breath, as if bracing herself. “My mother is here.”
Xe whistled low in surprise. “It seems it is the day for maternal reckonings.”
“She came in on eagleback. My sister is with her.” She bit at her thumb, now raw and red. “Something has happened in Tova.”
That was enough to rally Xiala. “Is it the Odo Sedoh?”
“She wants to speak to you.”
“How does she even know of me?”
Ziha flushed. “I told her. Hurry. She is not a woman to be kept waiting even when she’s in a good mood.”
“And I take it she’s not. In a good mood.” Iktan sounded suspiciously cheerful.
Ziha blew out a breath. “You are not wrong, tsiyo. Let us go, before her mood turns even worse.”
CHAPTER 26
CITY OF TOVA YEAR 1 OF THE CROW
How long will I mourn my father
and weep for my mother?
Is my brother departed
And my sister no more?
Am I nothing but the living
waiting on the dead?
—From Collected Lamentations from the Night of Knives
Serapio stood on the bridge that spanned the distance between Odo and Otsa and listened for Maaka’s approach. He had sent the small crows to fetch the man, unsure after all that had happened if the leader of the Odohaa would come with the information he had requested. But he heard the shuffle of feet and felt the sudden sway of the bridge, smelled the distinctive scent of medicinal plants that clung to Maaka’s clothes, and heard the rhythmic tap of something solid against the bridge, that last thing making him smile.
“It seems you keep having to retrieve my staff,” he called. “I have been careless with it, but it will not happen again.” He had lost it in the yard when he had first transformed, but now he understood that whatever touched his person changed form along with him. He would not lose it again.
“It is my honor, Odo Sedoh,” Maaka said, and he heard true pleasure in his words. “I wish to serve.”
Serapio took his staff, weighing it in his hands and testing the balance. All was as it should be.
“News from the Great House?” It had been two days since his confrontation with Okoa that had ended in him killing two of the Shield, one of them Okoa’s cousin. He had left in a rage, close to killing Okoa himself. He would have hated himself for it, but it had always been his way to eliminate those who threatened him and the things he loved. His first two tutors, the sailors on the ship. Only Powageh had been spared, and even now, he wondered if he had erred, just as he wondered if leaving Okoa alive was a mistake. Okoa had warned him of many dire consequences should Serapio kill him, but that was not what had stayed his hand. In the end, he could not bring himself to kill the man who had nursed him to health and who had once called him cousin. They had been family, if only for a fleeting moment.
“No news of consequence, my lord. It seems there was a training accident at the lake, and two of the Shield were killed.”
So Okoa had not told the truth of what had happened and Serapio’s part in it to anyone. He did not know what that meant, but he thought subterfuge eased his way with Maaka now, so he was grateful.
“One of them was the former captain, a man named Chaiya.” Maaka’s voice was wistful.
“You knew him?”
“He was a boy when we first met, a nephew of the Matron Yatliza, Okoa’s mother. I was close to both Yatliza and her consort, Ayawa. He was a brilliant man, well read, a philosopher. A good friend.”
“Not a warrior?”
“No, but his ideas were revolutionary.”
“What happened to him?”
“Ah…” He heard Maaka shift, the question making him uncomfortable. “He paid a heavy price for his ambitions, for our ambitions, as I was as much to blame as he.” There was something in Maaka’s voice that spoke to grief long held, and regrets, but Serapio did not probe.
“He made a sacrifice for his people.” That Serapio understood.
“No.” Now Maaka’s bitterness bloomed fully. “He was only sacrificed.” His words seemed to lodge in his throat, and he coughed. “But that was a long time ago, my lord. Let us talk of more important things. The Odohaa grow restless for your return. I speak to those gathered, every day. But I am a poor substitute. They wish for the Odo Sedoh.”
“Last time I was among the gathered, it did not go well.” He remembered the desperate prayers, the reaching hands, the overwhelming need.