Still, that’s early for teenagers, yeah?
“It’s a thing we’ve done before,” I say. “You can ask George and Major. But the truth is, sir, we planned this particular morning extra early, thinking my little sister Bess would sleep through and not come with us. She’s always wanting to do things with the older kids, you know? A tagalong.”
The early start time was supposed to be a deterrent.
“Yes, sir.”
But she came.
“She did.”
Your mother tells me you were with this boy, Lawrence. That he was your boyfriend.
“She said that, sir?” Penny, Bess, and I have agreed on this story. “I would never call him a boyfriend. But yes, there was something between us. A summer fling. It was his idea to go boating.” This is part of our story—that Pfeff and I weren’t serious. And that he’d wanted to make things up with me and asked me to go out on the boat. We hope this will be enough to convince George and Major.
So you met up at five a.m.?
“Five-thirty. My sisters and I brought food from the big house, and Pfeff—I mean, Lor, Lawrence—he brought coffee and towels and stuff.”
Tell me what happened after that.
I tell the story we told my parents. How he seemed drunk. I shouldn’t have let him swim. It could have been a shark. “Do you think he drowned?”
Could be. Drowning is surprisingly silent and swift. We have several drownings a year in these parts.
“It was like he disappeared. So fast.”
People go under in sixty seconds or less. A lot of them never wave or yell for help. There’s a physiological response that stops them.
“We didn’t hear anything. But we were busy with the anchor. The string to our anchor broke.”
The officers write something down about the anchor.
“He was drinking,” I add. “I’m not positive, but pretty sure. Maybe something in the thermos.”
Mm-hm. We have a team looking for the body now.
“Will you send divers?” We have told the officers that Pfeff drowned in a different area from where we left him, nearly an hour’s boat ride away, but still—I’d like to know.
Yes, miss. A team of divers.
“Oh gosh. And how long does it take?”
Couple days.
“Will you tell us if you find him?”
Sure thing.
And they let me go, for now.
We’ll need to talk to you again later. Don’t be afraid. This is all standard procedure.
Additional team members arrive on the island. They are in plain clothes. They seem to be here to search Guzzler. I stand in Rosemary’s old room and watch them from her window.
They photograph everything. They look at our bags and boxes of half-eaten snacks. Our piles of damp towels and Pop-Tart wrappers. I watch as they open every thermos. They smell the contents. They pick up Pfeff’s T-shirt, shoes, and socks. They look at the cord for the missing anchor.
Harris comes down to see them, followed by the dogs. He talks for a minute. And as he heads back toward the house, I notice something: The board is missing.
The board, which I sprayed with bleach cleaner and washed in the sea.
I know I placed it back where it had been lying all summer. I know I did.
But it is not there anymore.
64.
I WANT TO ask my sisters where the board is, but Penny, Bess, and I have agreed that we absolutely will not confer with one another this day. We know it will be tempting to talk about our situation, but someone could overhear us. It is not worth the risk. We cry and let our mother comfort us. We tell the story, individually, to Major and George.
When the day is done, the police leave. Later, they telephone my mother. They say they have had no luck yet finding a body, but divers will go back out tomorrow.
Pfeff’s parents have been notified.
Major and George have made plans to leave Beechwood tomorrow.
We eat a somber supper indoors. Tipper puts out place mats and wineglasses. She and Luda serve a simple linguine with meat sauce, followed by a salad and a cheese plate.
We are mostly silent as we eat. Bess cries a little. Penny says, “Oh please, you knew him the least of any of us,” which makes Bess cry harder, until she has to leave the table.
George, wearing a suit jacket and with his hair slicked to the side like a businessman’s, tries to make conversation with my father, while Major wears a black T-shirt and stares miserably into his plate, swallowing almost nothing.
Later, Penny and I walk down to Goose. We offer to help the boys pack. Tipper asked us to. It is our responsibility to make them feel better.
George and Major don’t care about their packing. They plan to leave it all till the last minute and do it willy-nilly. Instead, they ask if we want to put on a movie. The four of us huddle on the couch under old cotton blankets and watch Mary Poppins yet again.
Halfway through the movie, Bess joins us.
“I’m sorry I was a witch to you at supper,” says Penny, surprisingly.
Bess nods. “It’s just a lot.”
“It is a lot,” says Penny. “We have to take care of our Bess.” She beckons, and Bess squeezes in between me and Penny.
“It’s a sister sandwich,” says Bess.
“Yah, yah,” I say. “You okay?”
“I’m okay.”
“You want a beer?” asks George, who has gone over to the fridge. “Pretzel mix?”
“Just a Tab is cool,” says Bess. “And the pretzel mix. Yeah.”
George mixes small pretzels with a bag of chocolate chips, Frosted Mini-Wheats, and a bag of tiny marshmallows. “I really learned to cook on this trip,” he deadpans as he sits back down and gives Bess her Tab.
We all stick our hands in the pretzel mix and eat it in salty-sweet handfuls. Major turns the movie back on.
It is good not to have to speak or pretend, but just to watch and forget.
When it’s over, the boys toast Pfefferman. “A funny man, obsessed with his weenie, a lackadaisical tennis player,” says George, raising what is probably his third beer. “A friend since the sixth grade, the ‘mayor’ of the Germantown Friends School, interested in everybody, a terrible outdoorsman but an okay sailor. Pfeff was not scared of sharks, even though he should have been. He made me laugh a million times, and for that, I’m forever grateful. Pfeff, my man, I hope you’re happy up there. May the beer be cold and the women blond for ya.”
Major stands up. “Pfeff, you were a butthead, but you knew it, and you made us love you for it. Not a lot of people could do that. You wore some incredible socks. To be honest, I wasn’t sure about this summer, when George decided we’d all come here. I didn’t know much about you besides what I just said. But we had some good talks, Lor Pfefferman. I think we would have gone our separate ways at Amherst, but here on Beechwood we had dance parties and midnight swims. And we had those good Early Mornings, waking and baking, appreciating that water and the sunrises. I’m glad you got one more Morning in, and that if you had to go, it was because of something as badass as a shark attack. Rest in peace, Pfeff.”
They look at me like maybe I want to say something.
I stand. I have not dared to drink, for fear of loosening my tongue, or taken a codeine, for fear of dozing off after my sleepless night. I raise my can of Coke. “To Pfeff. He was a flirt, sometimes a cad, but also a dreamer. A charmer and a great finder of lemons. Always forgiven his trespasses because of his awesomeness. We wish him well in the big sleep.”
The words feel sour coming out of my mouth, though some of them are true. There is so much about him that I cannot say.
He was capable of rape.
He was cruel. False-hearted. Untrustworthy.
“Penny,” says George. “You want to say something?”
Penny looks choked. She shakes her head.
Bess, always one to do whatever is “right” in the moment, stands up in her stead. I am worried about what she will say. She looks drawn and exhausted. Her hair is flat and dirty, and she’s huddled in her warmest sweater and an old pair of jeans. I reach out and squeeze her hand.
Don’t confess.
Don’t break.