If it couldn’t be sustained in the presence of the Celestial light, then what the hell?
Raphael looked up at me sadly. “Because you constantly feed it with resentment and anger. So much resentment, it’s making you sick. It’s feeding the powers you inherited from the Dark Prince,” Raphael stated, staring at my chest like some alien was about to pop out.
I frowned. “Resentment at wh—”
“Me, for not healing your father. The world. Angel City. God. Everyone who let you down, and let your father die.”
Raphael’s words ripped open my chest, a physical pain pinched my heart, and I gasped. Tears started to trickle down my cheeks as every repressed emotion I’d held bubbled to the surface.
“Why didn’t you?” I shouted suddenly. “You’re the archangel of fucking Healing, and you didn’t even touch him!”
My words turned to short sobs and I realized how badly I’d wanted to ask him. He was there in the hospital when my father had been undergoing the initial tests. He was always at the hospitals, praying for people and trying to comfort them, but not once had I heard of him healing anyone.
Raphael looked at the floor. “For purely selfish reasons. If I heal anyone in a miraculous way, I can’t go home.” The way he said home was heartbreaking, like he longed so much to go back to where he came from. Mr. Claymore had alluded to something similar, but to hear Raphael say it was crazy.
I sank back farther into the couch.
“What?” That was asinine. Once again, I wanted to inform him that he was the Archangel of Healing. How could he carry that title if he never actually healed anyone?
Raph shook his wings a little, as if shaking off old memories. “It is my penance for starting the fallen war.” His voice was so soft I wasn’t sure I’d heard him right.
“Wait… y-you started the war?” Now I was sitting forward so far, I was afraid I might fall off. “I heard in fallen history class that Lucifer tried to break into Heaven with his demons, and you and the other angels met them halfway, stopping them.”
Raphael nodded. “Partly true. Lucifer first came to Earth with his demons, and started to terrorize the humans. I… left my home without permission and intervened. Against free will.”
My mouth popped open. Free will was super important to the four archangels. The way Raphael said it made it sound like he’d committed a heinous crime.
I was enthralled. “Then what happened?”
Raphael ran a hand through his hair. “My best friends followed me down here, and fought by my side, thus starting the fallen war.”
Whoa. “But if you hadn’t come down here, humanity would be completely enslaved by Lucifer!”
Raphael arched one eyebrow slightly, like maybe that wasn’t the truth. “Lucifer was once my friend. Did you know that?” he asked me.
Now that did shock me. “I knew he was an angel too once.”
Raph nodded, staring out the window, seemingly lost in old times. “I should not have robbed humanity of the spiritual development they would gain from fighting Lucifer on their own, for they are more than capable.”
His words gave me chills. Humans? They’re the weakest race alive.
“No. They’re not weak.”
Freaking mind reader.
“But you were helping!” I defended him.
He sighed. “Part of me was helping, but part of me wanted to get back at my old friend for leaving. Show him how powerful I was, how capable of protecting the humans I was. I fought out of anger and resentment.”
“Oh.” I sat back. Yikes, that didn’t sound good. It sounded quite familiar, actually.
He shook his head. “And so to prove his power, instead of the dozen or so demons he’d brought up to Earth that night, Lucifer unleashed thousands, and we fought. We infected humanity, and it was all my fault.”
I slid off the couch and knelt before the fallen angel. His whole body was sunken in, his expression defeated.
Grasping his hands, I looked into his deep blue eyes. “I forgive you.” Those words seemed to unlock something in my chest, and a sob racked me from head to toe. “For my dad, for the war, for all of it. I forgive you.”
His face contorted as he seemingly held back tears. Then the angel’s arms came up and embraced me in a hug. I suddenly felt lighter, as if a fifty-pound weight I’d been carrying all this time, had finally fallen off.
When we pulled back, I saw we were both crying. I laughed and wiped my eyes. “I have so many more questions, so many things I don’t understand.”
Like if the other side, or Heaven, was so great, then why did they come here at all?
Raphael chuckled. “There is nothing I could say to answer those questions that your earthly mind would understand fully. It’s hard to comprehend on this side of the veil.”
The veil. They’d referred to that in my fallen history class. It meant while I was alive, I wouldn’t understand. When I died and crossed the veil to the other side, all would be revealed, or some philosophical shit along those lines.
“Okay, one more question.” I held up a finger.
Raphael smiled. “Okay.”
“Is reincarnation real? Because growing up we had a dog, Pepper, that drowned. Yet, not a year later we got a new puppy, and it had all the same mannerisms and personality. I swear it was the same dog, so we named it Salt.”
Raphael chuckled good-naturedly. “Yes, of course reincarnation is real. You think you can figure it all out, and learn your soul’s lesson in one tiny human lifetime?”
Whoa. My mind was blown.
‘This is intense. Ask him if Michael has a human wife,’ Sera commented. I nearly jumped, having forgotten she was with me.
“Does Michael have a human wife?” I blurted out the rumor about the most popular archangel.
Raph’s eyes glittered. “Are you going to keep my answer confidential?”
My mouth popped open. “He does?”
The archangel nodded. “And a daughter.”
What! “How old is she? Where do they live? How long have they been married? Is his daughter human or—”
Raphael’s belly laugh stopped me in my tracks. “I think it’s time you got back to class.” He stood swiftly, pulling me up by the hands as he did.
Damn, I was so close to learning all of the answers to life’s most sought-after questions.
Raphael patted my shoulder. “Some of life’s most satisfying answers come from things we learn ourselves.”
Ugh. Boring.
My eyes bugged suddenly as a new thought came to me. “Was my dad reincarnated? Is he a kid walking around somewhere on Earth?”
Raphael smiled again and shrugged. “Probably not. He’d want to wait for your mother before reincarnating again, since they’re soul mates.”
The wind was knocked out of me at that simple yet sweet declaration. Are. He’d said they “are” soul mates, not “were.” Like my dad wasn’t really dead.
“Of course,” I muttered, trying to hold my shit together. I’d cried way too much for one visit.
I grabbed my bag as Raphael scribbled a note for me. When he handed it to me, he beamed. “Brielle, may you sleep soundly tonight.”
And I did. I slept without any dreams at all, just a deep, restful sleep, and a knowing that the darkness within me was no longer being fed.
It had actually retreated.
Chapter Twenty-Two
It was Friday morning, the day before Lincoln’s big shindig, and I awoke to a grinning Shea hanging over my bed with a note.
“Geez! You scared me.” I shrank back into my pillow as her psycho grin ramped up a notch.
“This was slid under our door in the early hours,” she squealed.
I sat up, yawning, and plucked the envelope from Shea’s grasp. It was some thick fancy cardstock, and when I pulled it out, I grinned, recognizing the handwriting immediately.
What: The most epic, random date night of your life.
When: Tonight. 7.
Why: Because I love you.
“Am I stupid smiling?” I asked Shea, who was peeking over my shoulder.
She nodded. “Totally.”
I sighed. “Why is he so perfect?”
Shea shrugged. “I don’t know, but Noah could take some notes in the romance department. His idea of a date night is watching old Predator movies, and winking at me while we eat stale popcorn.”