I can listen to tales of murder all day long and not blink an eye. I should’ve been desensitized to child abuse by now, too.
I’ve come a long way from when it all happened. I didn’t stand there, waiting for the hit.
I fucking punched back and rose above the shadows and their bloody rotten smell. I grabbed my sister’s hand and ran away without a look back, so why the fuck are those shadows dragging me under again?
My phone vibrates and I’m about to hit Ignore. The last thing I should do in my state is talk to people. They wouldn’t recognize me when I’m like this. I’m not the charming, fun-loving Knox they know, I’m the Knox from that hellhole.
A kid in an adult’s body.
A man who still sees his demons.
The picture that flashes on the screen makes me pause.
Teal. My twin sister.
In it, she’s in the middle while both her husband and son kiss each of her cheeks. But that’s not all, she’s smiling.
No, laughing.
When we were growing up, she never had any of these joyful expressions. She also barely spoke for years and only when it was absolutely necessary.
But look at her now. A wife, a mother, and a successful businesswoman.
My finger hovers over the Ignore button, but I don’t press it. If it were anyone else, I wouldn’t reply, but Teal is different. Teal is my other half.
Falling back onto my seat, I accept the video call, plastering a smile on my face. “Hey, T.”
My sister and I obviously aren’t identical twins, so she doesn’t look much like me. Her eyes are darker, bigger, and used to be sadder. Not now, though. There’s a light in them, a spark.
Life.
That’s what she lacked until she met her husband during our senior year in secondary school.
She’s not smiling back, though, a deep frown etching between her brows.
“Where’s my nephew?” I search behind her. “How dare you video call and not show me Remi?”
“He’s having a bath with his father.” She inches forward to the screen and her black hair follows the motion, framing her face. “Are you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I just got a weird feeling. You know, twin hunch.”
“There’s no such thing as twin hunch, T. Especially for fraternal twins, so you’re just making that up to get information.”
“Stop the lawyer talk, Knox, and yes, there’s such a thing as a twin hunch. That’s how we found each other when I was lost in the market while we were kids, remember?”
I grunt.
“So?” she insists, squaring her shoulders and crossing her arms over her chest. “What’s going on?”
“Work.”
“And?”
“And shagging.” I grin. “You want to hear details about that?”
“Ew, no, and you’re not changing the subject.”
“You’re a pain in the arse, T.”
“And glad of it. Now, are you going to tell me what’s going on or should I smash your Metallica collection?”
“You wouldn’t fucking dare.”
“Yes, I will if you don’t spill.”
“I’m bribing Dad to watch them for me, so screw you, T.”
“I’ll just bribe Dad more and have him film me while I do it, then I’ll take the next plane to New York so I can find out what’s going on myself.”
“I’ll call Ronan and tell him his wife is on the loose.”
“Joke’s on you because I’ll just bring him with me so he’ll annoy the shit out of you.”
I groan.
“That’s what I thought. Now, spill, Knox.”
I release a sigh. I can win a million battles in court but not one against Teal’s sense of infuriating perseverance. Especially when she senses that something is wrong.
“It’s really just a case, T.”
“What type of case?”
“Nothing you need to worry about.”
“Apparently, I do.” She softens her tone. “Please, Knox, tell me. I won’t be able to sleep if I’m worried about you. Isn’t it enough that I can’t see you as much as I want? I feel like you’re slipping away.”
“I’m here, T. I’ll always be here.” I inhale deeply, thinking about how to deliver this.
The best option is to lie, but she’ll see straight through that. No matter how much I’ve perfected my fa?ade, she’s the only one who detects my bullshit and calls me out on it.
She’s waiting for me, her face blank, but she doesn’t say anything.
Words never were and never will be her strength. She’s also really a pain in the arse, because she knows she can get to me with a look alone. That’s how she used to communicate her discomfort to me when we were kids and she didn’t speak.
After a moment of fruitless deliberation, I say, “A woman wanted me to represent her because she’s suing her father for sexual abuse and is demanding monetary compensation.”
That look returns, the dimmed one that kills all the light in her eyes. Eyes that were dead for so long and finally started being alive ten years ago. That’s gone now as if, like me, she’s back to that hellhole in Birmingham. The hole filled with the stench of alcohol, drugs, and men.
And I want to fucking shoot myself. This is why I don’t want to tell her, why I keep it all buried inside.
I’m a fucking bastard, but I had one purpose—protecting my baby sister.
And I just screwed it up with flying colors.
“Listen, T, it’s not…”
“I knew it,” she says in a calm tone.
“Knew what?”
“You’re hiding things from me.”
“I’m not hiding anything. It’s just work. There’s really nothing you should worry about.”
“But it’s affecting you. I can see the hardness forming on your face, Knox.”
“I’m fine.”
“I said that, too, and we both know how that ended up.”
“I’m a criminal defense attorney, T. I’ve handled worse than this.”
“Worse, yes, but not that exact subject.”
“Didn’t you tell me to defend those who are as defenseless as we were?”
“Not if it triggers you, not if it takes away your humanity and steals you from me.”
“Who’s stealing who?” a male voice calls from her end before Ronan, her husband, appears by her side. He’s shirtless and carrying a half-naked Remington in his arms. They’re both wearing towels and their hair is wet. Is that shampoo on Remi’s head?
“Daddy…” My nephew claps, then points at me. “Uncle Nokth…”
That’s what I am to my three-year-old nephew—a gibberish of consonants and vowels.
“Hey, there, buddy.” I smile at him, thankful for their interruption. If they hadn’t shown up, the conversation with Teal would’ve veered into disastrous territory.
“Hey, Uncle Nokth!” He claps again. “Daddy made me a bath.”
“That’s right. Who’s your favorite?” Ronan gives him a fist and he bumps it, giggling uncontrollably.
“Daddy!”
“Okay, go change now and let me talk to your uncle Knox.” Teal kisses her son’s cheek.
“Not until we clear this whole thing up.” Ronan leans forward. He passed almost all of his genes to Remi, from the brown eye color to the straight aristocratic nose that he himself inherited from his earl father. “Are you going to steal my wife, Knox? Because Remi and I won’t allow it.”
“Won’t allow it,” Remi repeats, mimicking his father’s frown.
“No way. In fact, I have work to do, so you can take her back.”
“Knox, don’t you dare!” Teal objects.
“Bye, Remi.”
“Bye, Uncle Nokth!!”
My smile drops as soon as I disconnect.
I attempt to get my head occupied with work, but after an hour or so of reading a case file, it’s impossible to ward off the tension that’s building in my shoulders.
So I opt to get out and change the scenery.
Preferably by fucking someone.
It’s the best way to get rid of accumulating tension, but there’s one tiny problem about that.
Ever since I fucked Anastasia three weeks ago, I haven’t had the appetite for anyone else.
It’s not that I don’t want to fuck. It’s that I want to fuck her. No one else but the lying, conniving thief that I should’ve outed by now.
The background check Daniel did on her is squeaky clean, which is suspicious as hell. Just like her.
And I’ll handle it.
I just haven’t figured out how. Because every time I see her, I picture my dick in her mouth or her tight pussy.