I can’t call it “just a kiss”. It was more than that. It was a huge deal.
I cheated on Ben. I can’t take that back. Anyone at school finds out, and our relationship is over. I’d bet a million bucks that Ash—the smug asshole—would totally tell Ben come Monday morning. I may as well prepare for it now. My first high school relationship is about to come to a spectacular end.
My phone starts ringing and I pick it up to see it’s Kaya FaceTiming me. I wipe at my face, give up immediately and answer the call.
“Holy shit you look terrible,” is how she greets me, Daphne appearing behind her with a frown.
“What happened to you?” Daphne asks.
I offer a weak smile. “Gee, thanks guys.”
“Seriously, have you been crying?” Kaya looms closer in the screen, her eyebrows scrunched in concern. I know she has my best interests at heart, considering she’s my best friend, and Daphne is my next closest friend, but I can’t tell them this. I just…I can’t. A secret isn’t a secret any longer once another person knows.
Meaning my secret is already exposed, considering it’s between me and Ash.
“No, I feel like shit.” I sniff to emphasize what I just said, and decide I need to make it seem like I have a cold. Poor me, woe is me. Sick as a dog.
“It’s been going around,” Daphne says, sounding like a mom. She is sort of like a mother figure in our friend group, always taking care of everyone. “Don’t tell me Ben gave it to you.”
She’d die if she knew it was Ash who gave me my current illness. “He’s not sick. He’s not even here.”
“Oh, that’s right. I forgot he was gone for the weekend.” Kaya’s face brightens and she smiles at Daphne before turning to look at me. “You should come over and spend the night!”
That is the absolute last thing I should do. I’d rather wallow in my misery by myself, thank you very much. “I feel terrible, Kaya. Besides, you guys don’t want to catch this.”
“True.” She wrinkles her nose. “You’re probably contagious.”
If misery is catching, then yes. I’m totally contagious. “Right, so you don’t want to be around me.”
“Have you done anything, gone anywhere?” Daphne asks. “Or just stay home?”
“I’ve been in bed all day. My family just left a while ago. They’re going to a football game.”
“And you didn’t want to go?” Kaya’s eyes are sparkling and she bursts out laughing. Daphne laughs too. “I’m already so over football and we’re not even halfway through the season.”
“We’ll end up in playoffs too. You know we will.”
“Right, and the season will go on that much longer. Over it.” Kaya rolls her eyes, making me laugh. “Hey, so Jaden and I went to the movies earlier. And guess who we saw there?”
There’s not much to do around the small town we live in, so the local movie theater is one of our only sources of entertainment. Whenever Ben and I go to the movies, we always see someone we know there.
“Who?”
“Mia Antonis and Ash Davis.” Kaya shakes her head, her expression one of pure revulsion. “Why would he be with her? She’s so gross. Do you think they’re together?”
“Ash doesn’t really date anyone exclusively,” Daphne points out. “But maybe those two ho’s would make a great couple.”
My head starts pounding the moment the names left Kaya’s lips. Mia and Ash. Mia and Ash.
He kissed me last night and this afternoon he’s with another girl. A girl who’s been with like every guy at our school. She’s a senior, a year older than us, and she’s gone through most of the boys at school. As in, she’s given many of them blowjobs, hand jobs, had sex with them, whatever. At least, that’s what I hear.
I can only guess what Ash is doing with her.
And just the thought makes me want to cry all over again.
“Wh-where did you see them?” I ask, hating how shaky my voice is.
“In front of the movie theater. They looked like they were about to go inside, and Mia was hanging all over him.” Kaya rolls her eyes. “I really can’t stand her.”
“Me either,” Daphne says.
Mom would say we’re slut shaming, and that we don’t know Mia’s story. She’s right. I don’t know her story. It just seems she’s always trying to seek attention, whether it’s good or bad, and I hope I’m never like that.
“I’ve never really talked to her before,” I admit, and both Kaya and Daphne pause.
“I never really have either,” Kaya says.
“Maybe she’s not so bad.” I shrug.
“I’ve heard she’s a total man stealer.” This is from Daphne.
Feels like that at this very moment, I’ll agree. Not that Ash was ever mine to steal in the first place. “Maybe she is, maybe she isn’t. I honestly don’t know.”
Kaya changes the subject, and I feel bad for making them feel bad, but I’m telling myself I shouldn’t be upset with Mia Antonis. It’s Ash who’s the asshole here.
I need to remember that.
Kaya, Daphne and I talk a little while longer and then they have to go, so we end the call. Secretly, I’m glad. I don’t want to gossip about Ash or anyone else. I don’t really want to think about anything. I send Ben a Snapchat, but he’s not responding, which depresses me even further. Even though I know he’s busy.
Though, really, how can I keep up the pretense that nothing happened? That everything between me and Ben is fine? It’s not fine. We’re not fine. I’m a bad person, and he has no freaking clue what I’ve done.
It’s past seven o’clock and I’m still in bed watching YouTube on my laptop when I get a text from an unfamiliar number.
Look out your window.
Fear slithers down my spine. I’m all alone. My family won’t be back for hours.
This has to be a prank.
Kaya, knock it off.
The response is immediate.
Who’s Kaya?
I shoot a quick text to her actual number.
Are you trying to trick me?
Kaya replies pretty quickly. What are you talking about?
I glance toward my window, dread hitting me when I realize the blinds are still open. Since my room faces the front of the house and my bedroom light is on, anyone outside can see inside my room.
Including the stalker who’s currently texting me.
Don’t make me break into your house, Callahan.
The dread is replaced with pure, white-hot anger. It’s fucking Ash Davis who’s texting me.
I go to my bedroom window and yank up the blinds, staring into the semi-darkness. The setting sun reflects on the lake in the near distance, casting the sky in an eerie orange glow, and I spot him standing in my driveway, his truck nowhere in sight.
What the actual hell?
He’s wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, beat-up white Vans on his feet. His hands are shoved into his front pockets and he looks like a sweet little boy waiting for someone’s approval.
Well, he’s not going to get it from me.
Throwing open the window, I yell, “Go away!”
He grins up at me. “Found ya.”
I slam the window shut. This is stupid. No way can I talk to him. Yell at him. We’re watching each other through the glass and he eventually whips out his phone and starts tapping on it.
A text comes through seconds later, and I glance down at my phone.
Come out here.
Lifting my head up, I stare down at him as I slowly shake my head.
My phone dings.
I need to talk to you.
Without thought I throw the window back open. “Go talk to Mia! I’m sure she’ll listen to what you have to say.”
His eyes pop open wide. “How the hell did you—”
I shut the window before he can finish the sentence, cutting him off. This house clearly has stellar insulation.
My phone starts exploding with texts.
Come on.
Come outside.
Let me talk to you.
Callahan, don’t act like this.
Come onnnnnnnnnnnn.
Please?